Ep140
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. This is episode number 140. Today's episode is called Decide on 2025. It's seven decisions for growth in 2025. This is actually part one. It's a two part episode. So you're going to want to check that out as well. So I'm your host, Adam Gragg. I am a legacy [00:01:00] coach.

I'm in the business of helping people get to big futures. I'm a family therapist and that's how I got started being a coach. It was through as a family therapist. And I'm also a mental health professional. So I've been licensed mental health professional for over 25 years. My passion is helping people find that transformational clarity.

Those moments where they say, I got to do this. I'm going to face things in my life. I'm going to go to that next level so they can live their legacy. In fact, my story is one of struggle. I have had issues with fear. And anxiety for as long as I can remember.

I mean, from my earliest memories and I'm struggling with some fear and anxiety right now because there's a number of transitions going on in my life. I know that when I have uncertainty in my life, then I'm more apt to. Struggle. And when I struggle, one of my coping mechanisms is worry. And one of my coping mechanisms is isolation and to not [00:02:00] talk to people about what's going on.

It's not a good coping mechanism. It's just one of my coping mechanisms. So I have this fear right now. And I, with some of the changes with my business and they're good and positive, they're growing decisions. I mean, growing it's growth, but it's scaring me. And it's like, this carpet can be torn out from under me at any point.

I mean, I have moments where I have this level of confidence that is amazing and it doesn't last. It is, not something that's I have for a really, really long period of time. I mean, I can have it for longer periods of time now, but it's still something that I struggle with. And then I want to get rid of that, you know, and I'm, I'm asking myself, what do I need to do to have a great 2025, you know, going into some of these changes.

My daughter turns 18. I have just a lot of things going on and, but I'm trying to sit with the discomfort. I'm trying to figure out how I can have a great year. I believe it's going to be a great year at times. And then at times I feel like it's going to be a terrifying year. I bounce back and forth all the time.[00:03:00]

You know, I mean, I've had some big failures in my life. I've had some big rejections in my life. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm a person who has had challenges and I'm being challenged to overcome them. And a lot of them I have been able to use to help other people, which is a great thing.

This fear is there. The day before my 51st birthday, I did my second tandem skydive. That was just two months ago. And I thought in this wacky kind of way that, Oh, I do this scary thing again. And some it's going to help me with some of this fear that I have a failure, but I don't think it really has, the decisions I've been making now are scarier to me than skydiving.

And that's what happens when they're emotional rejection, facing hard things in our lives. We fear, we fear the outcome, but by the end of this podcast today, you're going to be inspired to make some decisions as well. I'm going to go over these seven decisions and these two different parts that I have decided are important for me to have a successful 2025.

I think they're going to inspire [00:04:00] you to make your own decisions. And I want you to take one insight that you're going to apply and make it into a decision by the end of this episode. That's what you're going to do. You're going to get tools. You're going to get some insight. You're going to get some inspiration by the end of this episode.

And then you're going to make your own decision. I want to start by sharing something uncomfortable that I've done recently because nothing is more important to your mental health than facing your fears and nothing is more damaging than playing it safe. So I admitted recently to two friends that I have been struggling and I've been telling them about some of the changes, but I really opened up more the last two days about my fears and even how the temptation to want to use nicotine has been.

Really strong the last few days. Almost a year now since I've used Last and I use this stuff called Zen, but I have in my mind, because I'm struggling and want [00:05:00] something to control and feel like there's a lot of uncertainty in my life. I mean, a ton of uncertainty in my life right now, but I feel like because I feel there's so much uncertainty, then I can at least control that one thing.

By using nicotine and it'll relax me and that's but it's not good. So I haven't I'm telling you this I'm much less likely to once I put that out there Towards you my listeners and some of you actually encourage me believe it or not You guys send me messages and tell me to keep keep keep on going moving forward But it's crazy too how in my mind I create all these different scenarios that I can go back To using it in secret and no one's actually going to know because it's very discreet But then I think but then i'm lying to people I'm hiding something, and that's not good for me, and that's going to cause me more problems.

You know, I'd be better off just saying I'm using this stuff. I mean, I tried, but hey, you know, I'm using it for a period. I'm going to give it another shot at some point, and maybe that's what happens. And I hope you'd still be my friend. That's not what I want to do, but I'm just sharing the struggle with [00:06:00] you right now.

And so far so good. I know when I talk about it, it helps me to keep the bigger picture in mind. It helps me to remember that this is not the life I want to have in a year and 25 years and in five years, and this is not my future. So let's start off with an action. I want you to think about something that you want to stop doing or start doing in 2025.

A decision that you're putting off that you're going to make, I made that decision in 2023 to stop using nicotine. I didn't actually, I had three, two or three false starts at the beginning of January. I stopped for like three or four days, used again, stopped for like three or four days, used again, and then I finally stopped, I think it was on the 20, 20th of January, was when I finally stopped.

I finally made the decision. Think about something you are putting off that you want to decide to improve or to stop, to halt. A lot of times our goals for the year are related to our health, diet, fitness, money, or financial situation, relationships, working career. It could be a bad habit you want to break like the one or an addiction.

But you want to break like [00:07:00] the one that I shared with you with the Zen. This is a plan. You're going to start thinking about having a plan. Now what I do when I meet with clients, when I speak, there's a good scenario and there's a bad scenario. The good scenario is that I have an agenda and it's been thought through.

I've put some thought into it with clients. I've reviewed the last meeting and I try to, after every session, after every time I speak to jot down some notes. So I know, cause most of the time. I'm meeting with companies. It's not just a one off situation.

I'm meeting for a year for a longer period of time. It could be a one off situation, but even then it often turns into something that's longer term. So I want to, I want to remember what we talked about. And that's super important for me to have some kind of a plan, you know, so If I go into a presentation and I don't have an agenda, then that ends up being a stressful thing.

I have all this energy that goes towards actually, what am I going to say? How am I going to do this? Well, you know, and I pull it off sometimes. I mean, I've, I've winged it a number of different times. I'm embarrassed to say in my [00:08:00] life. And now I go in, I would say now I go in. Corporate speaking stuff, 100 percent within agenda, client stuff, you know, I'm, I'm still working on that, but it's high, but there are times where I get caught up and I'm, I'm running all over the place, but I always do better with a plan, a well thought out plan.

And then I don't change the plan unless there's real significant information. So I go into a coaching session and I have a plan based on what they want to work on. They share with me something they want to talk about. We follow what they want to focus on.

But there's also a teaching element, some questions I want to ask. I want to stick to those unless there's a crisis, some significant piece of information. So you're going to make one decision at the end of this. You're going to have a plan at the end of this. You're going to have a plan that's going to be powerful if you follow through with it.

So the first decision that I determined as I was thinking about 2025 is to decide to keep the big picture in mind. So, if I keep the big picture in mind [00:09:00] professionally, that yes, changes can be hard, yes, I'm going to have some grieving going on, yes, I'm going to have some doubt and fear that's triggered inside of me because of change in my life, personally and professionally, but the big picture is these changes are leading me towards where I want to be in a year.

And if I have that crystal clear, this is where I want to be in a year with my business, with my relationships, with my finances, with my health, with my hobbies, with my free time, with my spiritual life, all the stuff right there. If I start having a picture, a clear picture in mind, then it starts to keep me on track.

On those hard days when I'm tempted to use Zen, when I'm tempted to isolate, when I'm tempted to binge watch TV, which I rarely, rarely do. I did do that in the past. I rarely do that, but sometimes I'm just tempted. I can get Netflix, especially when the NFL games are on Netflix. I don't have [00:10:00] Netflix for that reason, because then I don't have the temptation.

But, I had to go to a buddy's house to watch the Chiefs game on Christmas Day because he had Netflix and I don't. Anyway, we keep the big picture in mind. I love the hiking mentality. I have the end of the hike in mind. It keeps me taking those small steps. Those big steps keeps me moving forward, drinking enough water.

Moving, pushing all that because I have the end in mind and knowing that change is hard. It's very hard. I love the saying in the 12 step programs. It's one day at a time. It's not one week. It's not one month. Sometimes it's just one minute or one hour at a time, but you're just making good decisions for one day at a time.

You can do very uncomfortable things for one day, but doing it for a year or even doing it for a week may seem overwhelming. One day. It works. You know, I love Abraham Lincoln. I'm a huge fan. And I love this [00:11:00] one quote, always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is, is more important than any one thing.

Always bear in mind. And he has another quote that I love that I just became familiar with recently, but, cause I know a lot. of quotes by Lincoln. So be sure to put your feet in the right place and stand firm. And you're standing firm in the fact that you are making decisions the right, you have made the right decision.

Don't stop. Keep moving forward. You know, Tim Collins in his book, Good to Great, popularized the flywheel concept and how there's a flywheel, which is a part of a machine. It starts. It's really hard to get it moving at first. It could take hours to get that part moving. And then all of a sudden, the momentum of the weight of the flywheel starts to work in your favor and it starts to work on your own.

But all these little things that you do that seem insignificant are making a difference with your business. They're making a difference. in your life. They're making a difference that you don't see, you [00:12:00] don't feel, but eventually that momentum is going to catch up and start working for you. And that'll give you hope.

When you have the big picture in mind, you're going to have some hope. So my challenge, it's going to give you hope. So my challenge to you, is to recognize how significant it'll be. If you just take some time, to identify your vision.

And people are afraid to write it down for one, because then they might fail. But I also believe they are afraid because of the accountability that comes with that. So for me, I mean, I'm afraid to tell you that I'm tempted to use Zen. I don't want to even bring it up because I want to just fly off into the sunset with no one ever asking me about it again.

And then it's not a non issue, but I know that long term it's not going to help me. And long term it doesn't lead me where I want to go. And so I tell you and my friends because it's something that I don't want it as a part of my life. You know, that's again, I mean, it's, it's one part of my life.

I'm articulating it and I challenge you to do the same thing. So you write it down. It becomes more permanent. It becomes more accessible. It's less scary when it's written down. It's not [00:13:00] ambiguous. Ambiguity causes anxiety.

It's a lot clearer. At least you're looking at this very clear vision that you have in your mind. And then talk to somebody about it as well. You can create a vision board, but a vision is not your goals. Your goals are going to lead you towards your vision, but a vision is something that's clear, that's going to help you establish your goals.

So by the end of the year, do you want to be at a certain weight? That would be a vision. You could say it's a goal, but it's a vision that is going to come out in your weekly goals, in your monthly goals, in your smaller short term goals, in your eating habits. By the end of the year, you want to have a certain amount of money saved or a certain amount of debt paid off.

Okay, that's your vision. You're going to keep the big picture in mind and then notice how you feel. How would you feel if you had that debt paid off? How would you interact differently if you had more money saved? How would you interact differently if you had faced the some health challenges by continuing to work out and eat healthy even though you don't want to and you're drained or maybe your goal is to [00:14:00] deal with some past stuff and you know that leads to the next decision that I'm committed to making that may challenge you to consider making is to decide to face the scary things in your life, the scary stuff, and this often has to do with your past and how your past is going to impact your future.

The way you see your future or the interactions that you have today. We bring our past with us without even being aware of it. That's one of the great benefits of therapy is we can get more insight through the questions that are asked or reading books or journaling or some insight oriented activity, which I love to challenge clients to engage.

Because it gives them this ability to see how today I'm being impacted by my past. My fear of rejection oftentimes that I have, which is great. My fear of failure, which is great. My performance, anxiety, and my performance, my getting my value out of my performance, that's very connected to my past.

When I recognize it, then I have space from it, that I can actually watch This performance going on, which is my life on the stage and be an observer in the audience at the same time [00:15:00] and not get consumed by it and say, no, I don't want to do that dance anymore. You know, I don't want to sing that song. I don't want to be that guy.

I don't want to be that insecure person. I want to be that confident person. And in one, Crucial thing is, is to know, I mean, I am that confident person sometimes. I'm both, you know, I'm both and. I'm not an either or. I'm not an either Adam's always brave or Adam's, you know, always weak.

You know, I'm not weak when I'm scared. I'm not saying that. Weakness isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm both somebody who struggles at times with anxiety and somebody who can be confident. I'm both somebody that likes himself and likes qualities that he has and also doesn't like some things.

I'm somebody that can wallow and I'm somebody that can be very excited about the future. I'm both. I just want to cultivate and water the excited part, the positive part, and then deal with the scary stuff. So know the core issues. I mean, I've had to face some core issues. Things that happened in my very early years at age 5 and 6 that I didn't deal with until I was 40, 46, 47, 48 years [00:16:00] old.

Now I'm 51 years old, but it's so worth it. And that was really oftentimes the root of my tendencies towards numbing and isolating was, connected to my past. The addiction tendencies to isolate and to worry, those are addictions, by the way, you know, those do classify.

And even the addiction. Addictions that I've had with nicotine and those are triggered, they're a numbing force that would be triggered in a large part by self worth issues that are, formed in my past, okay? So the more I can be myself, I let go of that and it's a great thing. So I think that you, the challenge for you is , what are things that you would face every day?

If you were able to move past your past and to be, to be brave today, again, one of my favorite questions is what would you do if you were 10 times more confident? What would you do if you were 10 times bolder? What decisions would you make? What would people see differently in your life? How would they know you were bolder?

And then do those things at the very beginning of your day, preferably. You can do them throughout your day, but it's hard to do them at the beginning of the [00:17:00] day, oftentimes, because we don't want to then. We want to put that off. We want to make excuses. And so for me, there are certain parts of running a business that I want to put off.

It's hard conversations, crucial, courageous conversations with people. That I want to have and that can be an employee or it can be a, a client that I want to challenge in a certain way. But those are things that if I do them in the morning, then the client has the whole day to think about them. If I do them in the morning, then the employee has the whole day to apply it.

And then we have a chance to have dialogue. I want to do these in a kind way, of course. Reaching out to potential customers. That is something that's very energizing to me if I have the right mindset, because I see that I'm helping and this is an opportunity to help somebody because I know the skill set that I bring.

But oftentimes if I'm in a negative mindset about myself, then I'm going to dread that. So I have to cultivate that kind of mindset and then do it and put it in your calendar, schedule it out. I'm facing scary stuff consistently. Planning things with family can be a scary thing. And so you want to do this because it makes life so much better because after [00:18:00] you do those scary things, you feel good.

Because you did something hard and then you realize that you can do another thing that's hard and another thing that's hard and another thing that's hard it creates its own flywheel and then you start to realize that you can be brave more and more every day. So my challenge to you is to figure out what is an action you can take that would be facing a big fear.

First of all, what is a big fear that you have? And you can identify that by some of the mindsets that you have, the things you tell yourself. And what are you telling yourself? You're not good enough. You're going to fail. You're going to be rejected. It needs to be perfect. Your performance is what drives your value.

You're awkward. You're not attractive. People don't like you. What do you tell yourself? And then how can we go in at the core, realize there's some stuff there that you can face. And that's what's leading you to today, fearing that whatever fear, rejection, anything that is. You're fearing in relationships.

Again, relationships are scarier than skydiving. And so you face them and then you realize that there's all kinds of cool stuff that comes out of it, [00:19:00] like support and encouragement and challenge and opportunity and ideas. And it's the best stuff in life. You know, yeah, you will get hurt and yes, it'll be worth it.

I promise you, I promise you. So what action are you going to take? To face a fear, identify a fear. It will be so worth it to you. And so if you found this helpful, hit the link to Shatterproof Yourself Light. This is, these are seven steps you can take this year to greatly improve your life. It'll improve your mental health, how you deal with people, your stress level, all of that.

And there are works, there's a worksheet and a video that goes with that. It's a 30 minute video. A four page worksheet. You're going to find this very, very helpful. It relates to this content. Share it with people. Go through it with a friend or your team at work or your spouse or your kids. You'll find it very helpful.

So the third decision that I'm committed to making is to know what I bring to the table. To remember what I bring to the table. You know, I have Some experiences in my life that have been good, some that haven't been good. [00:20:00] You know, but these experiences, all of them, the good and the bad, I can bring them to the table to help other people.

And then I have unique abilities, as you do as well. You have unique abilities, things you bring to your team at work, to your family, to your friends, that you bring that make you shine, that are unique, God given traits that you have that you can utilize and you want to utilize to a increasing level.

So you know what you bring, and if you know that your value, which the challenge is the big lie, okay? So people have been told throughout their lives, and I have clients that argue with me about this, but I challenge them on it, that the big lie that people believe is that their value as a person, their worth, Their self worth is determined by their performance and other people's opinions of them.

And that's a big lie because the performance measure, well, who measures performance? All right. So is somebody doing the best that they can do given their [00:21:00] circumstances? Because what if they have some physical disability and they can't do certain tasks?

Or what if they have some mental disability and they're just doing their best? And who's the judge of that? But I can see what they're saying, but also the opinions of others. Well, Hey, whose opinions? You could kind of whittle that down and say the right people's opinions, but what makes their opinion right?

And how do they know exactly what's going on in your life? I believe you will know internally, if you're challenging yourself, if you're bringing your best, I want you to bring your best. And you're going to bring your best when you realize that those things. Performance and others opinions aren't going to help determine who, what your unique intrinsic traits are.

Now, there are some things that will that are external. One is where you have a lot of energy and where you have a lot of impact. And so you identify where you shine, where you have fun. You believe you could do this forever and ever and ever. Amen. You know, those are things that you want to do and that are a great blessing to other people.

But it's ego, which ego is fear. It's self [00:22:00] protection. It's not living out of your true self when it's performance oriented and when it's centered on other people's opinions. It's safety because you don't want to be judged. So I want to challenge you. And the decision I'm making is to decide to know what I bring to the table.

I know that. In situations with my job that when I'm working with groups and teams and especially, especially after I'm getting to know them and connect with them and bringing out the real issues, seeing them talk, staying on course, staying focused on the objective. I mean, that is a great place for me. I love that stuff.

I love coaching, especially when it's helping people create this plan for the future and they're seeing how they can rise above their peers. Which is what I do as a coach. I'm helping him get to a bigger future. But there's aspects of coaching that just can tremendously energize me. When clients set big goals and then I can see in their eyes that they know they can achieve it this time.

When they see how things have impacted them in the past. How they're going to rise above it and push forward. Rising above those damaging mindsets. [00:23:00] When they realize That they have goals that they can achieve that they thought were not achievable, but they're going to go for it now realizing that it's going to be much worse to not have tried than to push forward.

So those bigger futures, the seeing that potential, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love having fun as well. I do, you know, and I don't like, Weeks that go by when I don't laugh or days that go by when I don't laugh. That's not a good sign. I love having fun. So I want you, that's the challenge for you is to identify your unique abilities and then ask yourself, how can I bring a little bit more of that to my job and my family?

So if one of your unique abilities is fun, you know, like it is for me. Well, how can I bring that in more? Even though I may not feel like it, I can still bring it to the table more. Decide your value basically, and then know what you're bringing to the table.

Cause you have tremendous worth. You're bringing something that is incredibly valuable that people, It deserves a more prominent place in your life, and it's going to make other people's lives better because you're bringing it to the surface. So if I remember those three things, I believe I'm going to have a much [00:24:00] better 2025, a really good 2025.

So the first one is to have the big picture in mind. The second one is to remember to face some scary things in my life, to have those things consistently. engaged in my life, at our offices, one of our core values is fear facing. So we have the permission, anybody, a client, anybody, an employee, anybody has permission to ask each other, well, what fears have you faced today?

And then you get to answer and hopefully you have an answer. If not, then you're not challenging yourself. You're not aligning yourself with the core values that decide your legacy. It's a cool thing, you know, and people have good answers because they're facing fears, but that's crucial as well. So you have this stuff to focus on.

The last one there being decide to know what you bring to the table. I really want to challenge you. The New Year's coming. We've been at this for 140 episodes.

Share it with somebody. Give it a rating and review on Apple or Spotify. Share with a friend. Say, Hey, I listened to the first. The first of a two part series on decisions for 2025, you know, really [00:25:00] good, three great decisions. I want to hear the next four. Listen to it with me. We can talk about it. That would be awesome.

I would love that. So again, you can sign up for Shatterproof Yourself Lite, seven small steps to a giant leap in your life and your mental health and your relationships and your wellness. Check it out. Download the worksheet, four pages and 30 minute video. I walk you through content that's very, very transformative to my clients and in my life as well.

What insight did you gain today listening to this? If it's inspiring you today, well, don't wait to 2025. Start today. Start now. If it's important in 2025, it's important now. You can start right now. Financial changes, you want to do better budgeting? Well, you can go ahead and work on a budget this evening.

As you listen to this, if it's your health, well, you can go to the gym tonight and start. You don't have to wait. Start now. I love challenging clients to make that call in my office, to do that thing in my office before they leave. And they do it generally, and they always tell [00:26:00] me, at least I can't think of anybody that's regretted it.

You know, if they don't want to do it in the moment, I understand. They can do it by the end of the day and call me, whatever. But if they do it in the moment, they get it done right away. They don't let that second guessing sink in and they follow through with that phone call, with that apology, with that exercise regimen, with the That reaching out to a friend to talking about talking about a problem that they face, they're glad when they've done it, even if it doesn't go well, because they faced a fear.

So what resonated with you most today? By the end of the day, I want you to apply something that you've learned. Remember that 20 percent of transformational change is insight. 80 percent is action. An okay plan that you act on is a hundred times better than a great plan, a perfect plan that you do nothing with.

Make it your mission to live the life now that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone. You decide your legacy, no one else. I appreciate you greatly and I'll see you next time. [00:27:00]