So I really haven't met somebody that I can think of that

if I asked them, you know, what do you want your life to be like

in 3 years, that they would say they want it to be worse than it

is today. People just don't do that. They have

something inside of them that says, I can make a change and I can go

bigger and I want to go bigger. Yet there are things that

hold them back. And I know how powerful

the brain is. I mean, even when I step into something that's uncomfortable,

It's like clockwork. I mean, I— what can go

wrong? How can I mess up? Who can judge me? Who's going to think

negative? What am I going to say? I mean, so it's very

easy to go to the negative, and it's hard. It's a

choice. It's something different in our orientation when we're going to go and see the

potential, how we can actually go bigger. So today we're going to talk about making

your future bigger than your past. Who doesn't want that, right? And I have a

special guest. I'm really excited. Her name's Audra Danelle. And

that's how you say your last name, correct? Okay, got it. Okay. And

so she has a unique perspective on this topic. I was visiting with her. I've

listened to her podcast. She has— she's

a— has a, a positive orientation. So I've been very impressed with the story

she shares and the willingness to be vulnerable and the willingness to just kind of

share the struggles. And we were even just talking

earlier about how I have this

like shame struggle at times. So I went and saw Dave

Chappelle. Over the weekend in San Francisco. It was super cool.

And I got to see Waymos. I didn't ride in one yet, but that's the

driverless taxi and everything. But even telling people that I went and saw Dave Chappelle,

I can have this like, oh, who can I tell? Who— I mean, I don't

want to tell the wrong people. So there's a whole bunch of stuff that we

can carry and we have to let go of if we're going to step out

and go bigger with our lives.

Welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. I'm your host, Adam Gragg.

I am a family therapist and I'm a coach.

And my business that I founded in

2012 is called Decide Your Legacy. And so what we do is we help leaders,

which I define as everybody is a leader. You have influence. You just may

not view yourself as that right now, but you are, even if you're 12

years old or 6 years old, you got people watching your life and they're

taking and getting messages from the decisions that you make. And

so my passion is helping people really get at the core issues that are

holding them back so they can make positive changes that stick.

And so today with Audra here as guest,

you're going to get to know her. She— I also view her as a connector,

somebody who connects people, and she has a cool podcast called A Lot

with Audra. So how long have you been doing that now? We

are on year 2. Year 2. Okay. Which is a step of

faith to do that. I mean, that's not always the easiest thing to launch something

because you could be, like I said, you can be judged. And so what I'm

going to do today is ask Audra questions on this topic.

And like I do when I interview people, these are 3 decisions you can make

to go bigger with your life. And as we

go through it, you'll kind of pick up on what those topics are, but Audra's

going to introduce the actual decision you can make, and then we're going to move

through things that way. So as I do with everybody, so Audra, tell us about

yourself, personal, professional, whatever you want to share. Yeah, well, thanks for having

me. I love the work that you're doing, and so I'm honored to be

here. Great to have you. So about me, I

founded a business called The Thread. It's a women's leadership organization,

and I did that 5 years ago. Before becoming an

entrepreneur though, I lived across the country working in

marketing. I married my high school sweetheart 15 years

ago and we have 2 little boys. So a lot of

my time and energy is either spent with my family

or on my vocation in this season of life.

Okay, yeah. And so I gotta ask you though, where did the name come from

for the podcast? A Lot with Audra? Yeah. So one of my

children was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years back.

And on that journey as their parent, I also

got diagnosed as ADHD. And.

The number one feeling that comes up for

me that I attribute to being ADHD related

is overwhelm. And in this season of life

with young kids and growing a business and

just trying to maintain health, I'm turning 40 in a few

months. And so entering this midlife season, it's a lot.

There's a lot going on. Yeah. We talk

about different topics, but sometimes life can be a

lot, and that's okay. We're gonna, we're gonna bring it here, we're gonna talk about

it. Yeah, and that totally connects with the podcast today, that it's a lot to

change. I mean, like, if you're gonna do it, if you're gonna make some changes,

it's gonna overwhelm you, I'm sure, because it's new, it's different.

You don't start a podcast— I can't imagine people— I don't want them to listen

to the first episodes because I think, like, man, you know, because you

learn, it's a lot, and then you learn and you get better and you grow.

So yeah, why should business leaders pay attention to this topic? You

know, I think this is so important for business leaders because we can so

often get caught up in running

a race that's not ours to run. And so

if we want our future to feel bigger than

our past, we have to know what that means to us.

Okay. And So I gotta ask you

this. So when is your birthday? It's in April. April, you'll be 40.

I'll be 40. All right. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. Yeah, I'm excited.

Good, you should be. It gets better from here. Yeah. All right, that's what I've

heard. So what are the misconceptions that people have when it comes to change? You

know, because it's easy to dream— well, it's not really easy to dream for a

lot of people, but they have this idea, and I

know that for some reason they get stuck at times. So yeah,

I think a lot of what can be challenging for

people when they think about change is the stories they're telling

themselves about who they are and what they're capable of. Especially as

I approach this next season, this next decade of life, I'm

having conversations and hearing sentiments from others

about, you know, it's too late for this, or I'm

not that. And so I think really taking the time to

examine the stories that we're telling ourselves, which is so hard, it's hard to

dig those out and uncover what they are. Okay, is

there anything that helps people dig those out? Um, therapy.

Therapy. Okay. But also, I, I think taking a good

hard look at what your values are. I think it's okay

to let past versions of ourselves go.

They're always within us. But to know what

your values are and be courageous enough to build your

bigger life around those. And that might

look different than your neighbor or your coworker or the other

manager in another department in your company. And

how do you figure out what your values are? I think

it's messy work that may take a

while. There are several different tools that I have personally used and

that we've used within The Thread to help women discover what their

values are. Brené Brown has a great

tool in her book, "Dare to Lead," that I would recommend. There's

also a new assessment called the Values

Bridge by Susie Welch. She's an NYU professor. And

using tools can be good starting points. There's several different

values sort of like quiz tools type things out there. Those

are two of them. But I think what is really helpful to knowing

what you uniquely value in this season of life is

finding some values that you think might fit, but then actually

defining what that means to you. So let's say

courage is a value to you. That

could mean something totally different to the next person

who courage is a value to. So for me, being

courageous could be regulating my nervous system,

not overbooking myself, pacing myself

so that I don't burn out. To someone else, it could be speaking up in

a meeting or taking the risk. So for

you, courage is often doing less, it sounds like,

and slowly— like slowing down. That's courageous for an

ADHD person. I think so. Yeah, that is

very interesting because people define courage more as like

doing more. I mean, sometimes— or taking the risk. Yeah, yeah,

whatever it is. But actually slowing down because that will

lead to things you think could go wrong if you slow down because you're used

to like pushing through. Oh yeah, I mean, I've moved all over the country.

I've sold everything I've owned and lived in an

Airbnb and started a business. A business has failed, started

another business. I've done a lot of things that, that may look like

they have taken a lot of courage, and they have. I'm not discounting that.

But what has been harder is in the past couple of

years since building The Thread, hitting a point where I

knew I needed to slow down and do some

more internal work on my foundation for myself and my

family. That is impressive. So you had to

do— learn a whole new skill set to slow down? Oh yeah, I had to

totally redo my pace. Yeah. And I appreciate you sharing you had a business that

failed. That is a misconception I think people have often

about success and going bigger with your life is that,

you know, it's— people aren't afraid, or it's going to work— it

works out for other people but not me. Yeah. And I've just seen

how I was very close to having a failed business,

and luckily, I mean, by whatever

means, I was able to keep it through. But it was more because of my

own emotional capacity going through a divorce, and it was

I couldn't, you know, it was very difficult. But it's a misconception that

people think that others aren't afraid of failure, or

it's gonna— I think at times, like, you

know, it's gonna be a smooth process. But then you did it, and then you

learned some things from it that you were surprised that you learned from it. The

lessons that you learn don't come from places I found that I thought I would—

where I thought I would learn them. I don't know if that resonates with. You,

but so I completely agree. Motherhood and

entrepreneurship to me have been the two biggest mirrors that I

never expected. Right there. Yeah. So let's go ahead and we're going to move into

these decisions that you want to make to move towards change. So, and

the questions I— like I mentioned, they're going to lead into actually sharing what these

decisions are. So what stories might you be,

uh, telling yourself, Audra, that you would like to challenge?

So I think when we're thinking about this first decision

that you can make. I think making those

questions bigger than your fear, so deciding what you

really want. Sometimes we can see what other people

have, not only because of social media but really

even just the world around us, and think, oh, I want that.

But we need to ask ourselves, you know, deeper questions

and have moments of reflection where we can

decide actually what do I really want. That's the first step. If we're going to

have bigger lives, we need to know what that looks like to us

vividly. And what— well,

what besides what do I want are some of the really important questions you'd encourage

people to ask themselves? You know, I

think I really love the

why times 5 concept where you

keep digging down and figuring out the why

behind the what. That one's always really helpful for

me. So I wanna make half a million dollars.

Okay, well, why? Well, because I want to support

my family and give generously. Why?

Well, because I didn't grow up in a house with financial

stability and giving was the last thing that we could do. We could

barely care for ourselves. Okay, well, why does that matter so

much to you? Well, because

creating a different legacy for my family is important,

and my soul work is

leaving this place better than I found it. Well, why? Just kind of

like keep drilling down on, on your what.

And what if you drill down so far you don't like your answers? Then you

get to change the question. Okay. Yeah, yeah, that's the scary part, because I've

wondered, why is it that— I don't know if you found this as you

coach Why is it that people are afraid to ask themselves the questions that are

certain questions like this? I think we all have those tender areas in our

lives that we have kind of kept in the dark, and,

um, it's hard to feel pain. It's hard

to feel uncomfortable emotions, and we'd all

like to not have to. Feel those things, and the questions bring out those

emotions. Yeah. And what I found, and, and you probably have found

this too, is that when we can't drill down

and sort of like face the

scary, hurtful, breath-taking-away

parts, we can't experience that other end of like full

joy. Okay,

so you want to feel the pain? I don't

know if I'd say that, but you do have to

show up and explore and see

what's there and face it. You have to show up for it and

then kind of love yourself through it enough to be able to

step out of it. Yeah. I recently

trained in New Mexico with a woman

named Susan David, and she's a PhD at Harvard. She

coined the term emotional agility, and so a lot of the

work that we do in The Thread, or I've

done in my life coaching, the foundations

are, are based in that emotional agility. What is emotional agility?

Emotional agility is being able to

show up to your feelings, thoughts,

and behaviors, see how they're all connected, and

step out of stories that hook you in a way that you can take

action that's aligned with your actual values.

Okay, so let's go. What, what is the first decision, Audra,

to make your future bigger than your past? So

the first decision is going to be to define

what you want. Okay, and

if you look at your life, kind of getting vulnerable here, like, who

are you becoming through the

choices, your thinking, defining what you

want? Who are you becoming right now? You know, I think personally,

vulnerably, I am becoming a more grounded

individual. That's not something I've ever identified

with. It's not sexy, it's not fun, it's not fast.

But I am really finding

the balance, which is also not a word I've

liked to use in the past, between my

dreams that I'm going for and just being rooted in

the reality of my life and my family. So I'm just finding I'm in this

stretching season where, you know, I've built

a business and had some success, and I

focused deeply on myself and my family, and now I'm

in that tension of, okay, how far can I take both

without going over the edge? Okay. And we're actually risking

going over the edge but building the skills to pull myself back.

Why don't you like the word balance? You know, I just think over

the years it's gotten sort of a bad connotation, right? Like work-life

balance. We don't need to be balanced. People picture that scale

and it's not always perfect. I think balance actually can hold

a little bit of perfection in it. And so I've tended to

skirt away from that word and instead use like work-life

rhythm. But at this

time, I am really feeling, you know, pulled to be

more grounded. And for me, being grounded is based

in balance. Maybe it's balance with grace,

or imperfect balance, or yeah, something

Yeah, that is a tension there. So what area of your life or business

have you had to stop making excuses and take full ownership? You

know, at one point I had to really get real about

learning my financials. Many people go into business

because they are passionate about

the work and

they aren't passionate about the spreadsheets or the QuickBooks. And I

had a great bookkeeper, but we were meeting monthly and I, still

wasn't getting it. I didn't really know the questions to ask. And so

I just realized I had too much weight in that

support, and I hired a coach to help me learn

how to see my financials and, and do

my own bookkeeping from the ground up. And that was hugely

helpful. I had to get real about, you know, for 2 or 3 years in

the business, everything was going fine, so I didn't I wasn't in

crisis, but I also couldn't pull the levers. I couldn't be as

strategic as I needed to be because I didn't fully understand

the questions to ask, the way to look at the numbers, etc.

Okay, that is a common challenge for people that are

really passionate about their business. Yeah, they don't look at that stuff. So would

you say there's something that has

a discipline that you've incorporated that's helped you?

Change or have more consistency in your life?

So I will say with the bookkeeping note, I did, after I learned that

skill, ended up outsourcing it back out because I definitely don't believe that

we all need to do every single thing.

A discipline that I have created in my life is

to habit stack.

One thing I do that might be a little bit

different than others is I tend to work when my

children are in school. Right now I have two elementary schoolers, so they go to

school from 9 AM to 4 PM, and most days I

walk them to school and then I walk my dog and then I do

Pilates and breath work and then I get my day started.

Okay, so one thing shifts to the next. Yep. And that's how it rolls,

right? Okay, two years ago 3 years ago, 4 years ago, it was

just walking the kids to school. And then we got a dog, a

puppy, a lab that needed to be walked. Oh yeah. So that was about 2

years ago. So then that added on, and then the

Pilates, and then most recently the breathwork. Yeah, that's a good point too, because

you have, you have a dog that you're responsible for now. Yeah. And that

actually, whether you like the word or not, it adds some responsibility to your

life. Yeah. Because you don't want to be the woman who has the neglected

dog or the man who has a neglected dog. And I had a dog

that, uh, I do not have a dog right now, but I am in the

market of potentially getting another dog. It's been hard for me because I lost my

dog who was 16. I mean, he didn't run away, he passed away. But

so accountability gets kind of a hard rap at times.

Like, I love and I hate telling my friends about my goals or things I

want to— I mean, like, I still struggle with nicotine. Like

non-tobacco nicotine. It's like in— and I know if I want to

stop that, I have to tell my friends that I want to stop. Yeah, but

I don't want to unless. They listen to this podcast. And now they know. They

know now. Well, they, they probably do know because I went for a year without

it, and then, and then I kind of didn't want to tell them, and I

just avoided talking about it. But that accountability is how I've had

a lot of the change in my life, has been telling somebody. Yeah.

And But it's still, it's still hard because there's

pressure and it's not— I don't think it's healthy when it's a pressure to let

them down. It's like, I want you on my side and you're, you're with

me. You kind of know what's going on in my life. So I don't probably

want to tell people who are going to beat me up for the struggles that

I have, but they're going to encourage me and challenge me. So is there, is

there a point? There was a point when that shifted for me, like I was

very private and closed. Was there been a point in your life where you started

to see accountability in a positive way when maybe it was negative

in the past? Yeah, I am

a big proponent of figuring out

what accountability works best for you. And so for some people,

it is that accountability of another person

being there. Like, let's think about the gym. I always think about— that's a great

example. I used to have to

pay the money and be on the schedule of

boutique gyms. Literally for like a decade, I had to do pure

bio— Pure Barre and Pilates and Orangetheory, and I actually loved all of those

things, so I didn't have to do it. But in order for me to move

my body, I had to commit

via an app to a class time where if I

canceled within 8 hours, I'd have to pay extra money

over the, you know, large amount of money I was already

paying. So you have to figure out what helps

you be accountable. I know for me at work in my business,

like, of course it's, it's my business. I've got the vision. No one's going

to love it more than me, but I need my team to hold

me accountable because when I'm looking at my

StrengthsFinders, for example, none of my top 5 strengths are

execution. So I know we need

a team meeting on the books every Wednesday because

anything that I need to share with them has to be ready to go

by that point. Anything we're co-working on that I have a part in, has to

be ready to go by that point. So the execution piece

is delegated to— you need people to help you with

execution? I get people to help me with execution, yes, but also when

I am required to execute, which we all are in life,

I body double with them and have that team meeting

set on the books every Wednesday. So if you and I are working on a

project together and I'm taking part A and you're taking part B,

I need that meeting on the books where I know they're going to show up

to that meeting, I'm going to show up to that meeting, and I'm going to

have to tell them what I've done. I'm going to have to show them part

A. So you're accountable to them, right? Don't want to let them down, right? So

what does it mean to have a body double? It's when

you need someone else to just be there

for the work to get done. So that's why a lot of people will work

in coffee shops, I think, just because it's energy and space, and

other people are there working. And sometimes when we're in our

home or when we're in our office, left to our own devices, you know,

we can, you know, take too long here, or let's just

rabbit hole down the internet here. And so body doubling is

something I— a term I learned through having ADHD, and it's really

just being together and getting

things done. So having someone actually there

some, some way, somehow, it's like magic for ADHD brains,

at least mine. Yeah, yeah, me too. I would definitely qualify

as having ADHD. So I like this quote about accountability.

It's like, most entrepreneurs are—

they, they are in a position where other people aren't telling them what to do,

but they haven't taken full responsibility for telling themselves what to do.

That's from Dan Sullivan with The Strategic Coach. So if

So with accountability, what do you think people will

see if they really grasp it as fuel for growth? Oh my gosh.

It is also like a mirror because you have to look at that, those ugly

parts of yourself of like, why am I not getting this done? And I would

just suggest the words curiosity and

experiment here, because when you're an entrepreneur and you're your own boss

and how far the company goes is on your shoulders,

you know, having some experiments around like, why am I—

why am I not wanting to do this thing that I think is going to

grow my business? I'm going to get curious and dig down,

and let's try this and see if that gets me excited.

Let's try this. Let's try the body doubling. Let's try outsourcing.

So I think, you know, entrepreneurship is just such a

fun way to experiment and learn so much about

yourself. Just trying new things. So

what's— I can only imagine you've had

situations where it didn't go as planned. Oh my gosh, yes. And,

uh, what have you learned about dealing with taking the risk

and it not going as planned? Honestly, it's just all part of

the game. So it really doesn't— I'm not going to say it doesn't

faze me. Last year we closed one of our

chapters and I had a whole month of grief over that

But one thing that I picked up from a coach that I worked with

is the method of 100

nos to get to your yes. And so it's the idea of like

putting a chart up on the wall, and every time you're pitching

a thing and you get a no, mark that off. And like the thought

of like, it might take 100 nos to get to your yes,

but then how exciting is a no? Because it gets you closer to the

yes. So for me, I've just had to find ways to stay

excited. And so what's the

second decision? The second decision

is figure out how you can be accountable to yourself.

Make your accountability a big deal, bigger than your feelings. So,

and I know with your— with the thread, and it'd be

cool to hear you share a little bit about this, but how does accountability work

into that? Coaching process for the people involved?

Yeah, so we have a 6-month program where 30

women come together and they learn and they grow

and they have space in their super full lives

to pour into themselves and their development.

Accountability comes in a couple of ways. We're

always following up on what we learned last session as

a community. And then we also have mastermind groups.

So although 30 women go through the program together, they're

paired in 5 to 6 woman mastermind groups.

And so there's an element of accountability with those 6 people that

they get to walk through business and life with for

6 months. Our, our mastermind groups are

a thing that many women come out

saying is their favorite part, and they tend to

go on long after their 6-month cohort experience is over.

So they ask specific questions, or just—

is in the mastermind, how does the

accountability come out? Yeah, they have a couple of different ways that they can do

it, and each group decides which way works best for them.

Some groups have a hot seat where Every

2 months, one woman is going to be in the hot seat. So in the

6-month experience, they're going to have a

beginning, middle, and end. And so the accountability

comes in that formal form of, okay, here's what I'm

starting with. Maybe month 1, I'm in the hot seat. I'm going to share a

challenge I have. I'm going to get peer feedback. I'm going to tell them, okay,

here's what I'm going to try. And then they can come back and report on

that. Formally in their next hot seat. But

oftentimes it, you know, just seeps into conversation as these women are growing.

In relationships, as they're opening up and sharing. And yeah, yeah, that's a

big deal. People don't like that, but they love it.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think we all do. I mean, I, I don't know

about you, but as a person in this industry, I am

always working with a coach or

a part of some training or certification.

I just personally need that to kind of keep my head on

straight and keep me moving in the direction I want to be

moving. And you've been intentional about that. Yeah. And obviously you see the return on

your investment in that. So, because it can be,

it can be scary. Yeah. So what would someone do if they want to take

the next step and say, I, you know, I wanted to have more, I want

to have more accountability in my life? I

would look back and see what's worked for you in the past. When there have

been times where you've been really consistent, what's that element that has helped you?

Is it another person? Is it a habit tracker?

Is it, you know, a reward after, you

know, a week straight of being consistent? Figure out

what motivates you and helps you be most accountable by

looking back at when you've been most consistent and find

that thread. That's cool. So when you look back, what's been the thread for you?

For me, it's people. It's always, it's always a person

or a team, you know, that a coach or a team or

a partner to. Keep me somebody moving forward. I would

say that as well. And I will say

though, sometimes I find some cool tools. And I was looking at my daughter turned—

Emerson turned 19 recently, which is crazy. But so,

and of course, what did she want for her birthday? She

wanted money, and I knew I was gonna give her some money, but I did

find this like $15 habit tracker, and I thought she'd

really like it. But the cool thing about it is, is like you put a

sticker on the habit once you get it crossed off. So it's like,

can be like, what do you want to get up? Or I have on here,

this wouldn't make sense to somebody else, but I mean, but it's

really gratifying to actually check it off. Oh yeah. And I think the colored

stickers, that really adds something. It does to me,

unless you look at my weekend and you have like. A blank day that— But

doesn't that motivate you? It kind of. So, well, yeah, it shows me patterns right

there. And it's new. I'm trying to kind of work that into my life more.

But so far, so good. So, you know, what

would your current self tell your past self about

hesitation?

Before I really dove into

entrepreneurship, I had a lot of procrastination that

was related to perfectionism. I really,

you know, had this vision and wanted things to be perfect. But if

you're in planning stage, things can be perfect.

However, you can't stay in planning stage forever, or you're not a

doer of the things that you're dreaming about. So my current

self would tell my past self to always choose

imperfect action over perfect planning

any day. Any day. What if it's, is there a

certain level of planning that you think is where you're ready to

launch or? I think yes. I mean, I've always been a planner.

I love planners. I could be in planning mode forever.

I could live there. I love planning. But I think

for me, it's setting that deadline ahead of time and saying, no matter

what, by this point, we're gonna launch Or I've also used that

80% rule. When I feel like this is 80% baked, it's just gonna

have to be good enough, okay, to get out in the world.

And how does taking— when you feel like it's 80% or

70% or whatever— how does doing it anyway impact your

view of yourself? For me, it taps into that

value I have of courage, of I'm gonna allow

myself to be vulnerable and potentially face

criticism, but I'm going to put this out into the world because,

you know, that is values-aligned living to me. That is

just the beautiful risk-taking that makes me feel alive. Not keeping

my gifts or my ideas inside of me, but being willing

to, you know, let the world see even though

it may not be perfect. Yeah, was there— because

for a lot of people, that perfectionism,

I have found, is

they don't see it as an escape from actually making the decision,

but it's something they can hide out in. It's not ready, it's not ready. So

was there a moment where you decided that,

okay, I'm gonna actually live this and not just say

this to my clients, that you know? Yeah,

so before I started The Thread, I was working as vice president of an ad

agency in Honolulu, Hawaii. And when I had my second

son, I chose to not come back from

maternity leave and stay home with my kids for a while.

Uh, I had already launched a business that had failed,

but I had this feeling that entrepreneurship was something I

wanted to try again. So I took courses

and journaled and read books thinking about

what business do I want to start. And that process

lasted about a year, and then the pandemic hit, and

my family and I decided to move back to the

Midwest where we were from. And I had this

idea for the second business. It just came to me one day during the

pandemic when we were swimming in the ocean, and

You know, we booked the plane tickets, we sold all of our things,

we moved back to the Midwest into an Airbnb, and

I started working streets, started

talking to everyone about my idea. I put together a focus group of

high-level female professionals and pitched this idea,

and I was getting really great feedback, but I had

not yet pulled my LLC. So we landed

here in the Midwest, July 2nd. I pulled my

LLC probably 6 weeks later, and

I had an entrepreneur friend give me a call

and say, hey, I'm interested in my

business partner going through your first cohort. And I was like,

oh my gosh, that's so great, thank you so much, I'd love to have her.

He's like, when's it going to start? And I was like, well, I don't really

know, we're in the middle of a pandemic, like I'm not sure

when we're going to start meeting because we gather in person. And

he gave me the piece of advice to just start,

set a date, and if that date comes and the world is,

you know, still in a place where we are not gathering,

make a decision then. But he was like, do not let what's going on in

the world or like external circumstances

keep you from starting. And so I really attribute

that to the moment where it was like, okay. So

did it start during the pandemic? Yeah, yeah, we started meeting in March of

2021 in person. Correct. How did you convince— or how did

everybody feel about meeting in person then? Because everybody— that was kind of when Zoom

was becoming a— right, no, a year later, I guess that would

have been. But yeah, but yeah, Zoom was big. I had a lot of,

um, thoughts about, you know, digital, but there was so much out there digital,

and I just had this gut feeling that like we are craving community, we

are craving one another. And so, you know, we took all the precautions.

We, we, we set the tables apart, you know, masks.

March of 2021, you know, that was a year in. And so in the

Midwest, things were really dying down. I mean, they

ramped back up, it was a wild ride. But the

people who were okay with meeting in person, they came. And the first cohort was

17 women. The second cohort was

more. And then the third cohort, we hit the max that I wanted for

a group. So yeah, I just started anyway.

Yeah. And it wasn't perfect. Were you, were you disappointed that it was just 17?

Not just 7, but did you have another number in mind? Or—

30 was always my number. I did some research

and dug into Priya Parker's work. She wrote the book The Art of

Gathering, and she's a facilitation

expert. And so 30 was the number that I had decided strategically

would be right for what I was trying to do here with the thread. And

So yes, I did have a moment where I was like, are we gonna get

there? I mean, I didn't spend any money from my bank account for the first

almost a year, from my business bank account, because I was

like, I'm gonna have to give this money back to people. I don't know if

we're actually gonna go, go through with this. Yeah, but it's— at some

point you had to shift it towards you were hopeful. Oh yeah, like

this could work. Oh yeah, at 12 was the number. I was like,

if we get 12 If we get 12 for our first cohort, we're gonna do

it. And I remember in December, you know,

it's still being really shaky. And then at

some point in the beginning of 2021, you know, we hit that number and then

we kept going, kept going, kept going. So I would say my hope

was there all along. You know, it just

was a wild ride. And has your

Because you, as I look at this, like you

had hope, you did it, but has your tolerance for discomfort grown?

Oh, completely. I think in both parenthood and

entrepreneurship, how can it not? When it comes to

parenthood, I'm thinking about, you know, the little kid season and the

emotional regulation and having to learn things that I actually didn't know

before becoming a parent through parenthood.

Feelings are not good or bad, but we cannot act on our feelings

all the time. Like, I just think about the stretch that parenthood gives

you, um, that has allowed me to sit in the

discomfort of starting a business in a

place where, you know, I wasn't super set up to take a

risk. But entrepreneurship, once I did take that

risk, I saw the benefit every time I made myself uncomfortable.

Sometimes I failed, completely, but sometimes I didn't.

But it's like always that feeling of tension when you're putting yourself out there, when

you're trying something risky. That, that to me, that

ability has grown, you know, just through continuously taking

risks. And what would you say

to others about the impact of not— of staying

comfortable long term? I mean, I

just think about my 8-year-old self, right? And I think, what What would

she have to say in

this season? You know, is it worth getting uncomfortable?

Is it worth revealing your true self? Is it worth really going for your

dreams? And you know, all the stories

and, and data that we see say

yes. Like, I wish I would have lived my life like

my way, my life, my authentic life. I wish I wouldn't have been

so scared of what other people think. I wish I would have invested more in

my relationship. So Yeah, thinking about my 80-year-old self

helps me make decisions a lot. And so there's this article

that I wrote probably years ago. It's just on having a vision for your future.

And I enrolled in this journaling program recently called Self-Authoring, which is a

ton of work. It's all these journaling questions, but it's basically about

counting the cost of painting a picture of your future if you

give in to fear and idiosyncrasies and not— and then also painting a

picture that's really great. But it's the journaling work. So if you

want to check out that article, you can. And it's

Uh, that's the hard work because these things build onto each other. So if you're

honest with yourself and you're asking the right questions, it's going to lead to

passion to say like, I want to do this. And it's going to lead to

you being willing to have accountability in your life. And then it's going to be

willing— you're going to be willing to say like, it's my confidence in

my desire and my hope is bigger than my comfort. Yeah,

at that point. So yeah. And how do you feel like

a leader is taking uncomfortable action impacts those around them?

You know, I think it's beautiful when we can be

human and have some

wins and have some losses and learn from the losses and, and

do that in front of others. I think just tearing

down that fake standard of perfection

is really important to people and teams,

to just see, hey, she's doing it. And she's doing it messy,

maybe I can do it, right? Right. So what's the third decision

then? The third decision is to make your

business believing in yourself.

Like, you have to invest the

time into believing in yourself. That has to be

your job, and that requires a huge amount of hope, kind of taking

it back to what we just talked about. This hope that

I can go after my dreams, I can take the risk, I

can show up, I can have that hard conversation, I can dig

deeper, I can face some uncomfortable things. What do you mean

by hard conversation?

Um, you know, conversations that push you

to be clean and truthful when it

may not be well received. Conversations that

push you to be kinder than you feel like being.

I mean, I think a hard conversation can be in the form of so many

things— telling someone something that they don't want to hear, but, but you have

to deliver that news. And

yeah, that's the big fear. That's one of the stories I tell myself, is it's

going to go bad if I have that conversation. Yet also I'll tell myself the

story that that's when growth actually happens. Because you spontaneously

reached out. You actually brought up the topic that everybody's avoiding, the

elephant in the room. You actually asked a question that got somebody to think.

So it's a big deal right there. Well,

cool. You know, so Audra, how can somebody get more of

you? Well, I have a podcast you can listen to, A Lot with Audra.

It's on all the channels. You can also check out our website. It's thethreadwlc.com

for Women's Leadership Collective. Good stuff. You want to check that out for

sure. So I had, I had, I'm very grateful you came on.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. And so

check it out, get more. You'll be very pleased with what you hear. So,

and you know, the cool thing about it too is like I've had a few

other podcasters on that have been local. So I had, I had Ben Hutton

on and I, and Audra, and I think they're the only two, but

you know, the cool thing is we're in the same community, but we reach people

outside the community and very like-minded

type of impact. Pretty exciting. So I had a crazy experience,

a couple recently, but I mean, I went to California, I went skiing, I went

and saw my mom and dad. I had a good time. But it's really interesting

how you learn from things that are unexpected when you're willing to actually

put yourself out there. This was not a trip I would've ever planned. I've made

a commitment to take a certain amount of days off. And as a business

owner, what, you know, that's, it's scary. It's similar to you slowing down. I mean,

it's like, okay, what can go wrong now that I'm not there? I'm not going

to make— I mean, I'll say like, it's going to, it's going to fail. And

if I take a day off or whatever, but I did it and I was

really glad. And I ended up having— and I, like I said, I have some

shame. So I went ski. My buddies from high school couldn't go skiing because it

was a work day and I planned it last minute. They had things. So I

was thinking, I don't want people to know I'm skiing by myself, but I had

a blast skiing by myself. You know, it's like riding up and everything. And these

unexpected things happen when we're willing to— like, I ran into a friend from

college, a fraternity brother, at the airport. Yesterday, never

would have thought that would have happened. Hadn't seen him in 25 years. And, and

then I had a crazy Uber ride with a smoking Uber driver,

which was interesting. But I, I didn't complain about

it because I wanted to get home, you know. So you're gonna take

action. It takes unexpected things coming, but

be willing to learn from it, and then you'll have podcast content, right, that you

can share right there. So there's no positive change unless you

decide to change. You know, 80% of growth is

action. Only 20% or less is insight. You're gaining insight today, really

great insight from Audra, but you have to apply what you've learned.

And if there's something that you resonate with, like that Audra shared,

I mean, it's a lot of different takeaways that you can actually get some

clarity that's gonna propel you forward. Do something ASAP.

Like, don't wait. Tell somebody about it. Put it on your calendar.

Do something different. You know, that's how you're actually going to grow. So definitely check

out our podcast. To decide means you're eliminating other options.

Your legacy is the impact that your life has

on other people. It's really not about me. It's about

the impact we can have. And there's no positive change unless you

decide to change. Decide today because your legacy depends on it.

I'm going to close the way I always do. Make it your mission to live

your life today the way you want to be remembered 10 years after you're gone.

You decide your legacy, nobody else. I appreciate you greatly, and I'll see you next

time.