I have been struggling and there's been a

lot of transition in my life recently and

this has all been since after Father's Day.

So Father's Day was June 17th.

I have, I have recorded one podcast since

then.

Um, but hey, I want to, I want

to talk to you today about some struggles,

like what I'm going through, not because it's

about me, but because it's about you.

Cause maybe it can help you.

And so I have had one just minor

transition is, but it's been kind of big

as I moved apartments after being in the

same apartment for almost nine years.

So since my divorce, I have had not

had my daughter this summer and I had

worked through some relationship stuff.

So I had a relationship I had hoped

for that's kind of not moving forward the

way I would have hoped.

And, you know, I don't know what the

future holds for anything really, honestly, like in

my life, but, but I mean, I know

there are good things ahead and I know

that there are ways that people can find

clarity in their life and go, they're going

through the same journey I'm going through, trying

to figure out what's next and try to

figure out some clarity.

So I've been stepping back, doing some self

-reflection, doing some talking, maybe not as much

as I should be to friends, but I've,

I've just going through some stuff right here.

And so the today on the Decide Your

Legacy podcast, what I'm going to do is

walk you through four clarifying questions that are

helping me.

I'm going to share why these are really

great questions to ask yourself, why I asked

them to clients and how you can use

them to process your own experience and find

clarity in your life as well.

I'm going to describe why they're the right

questions to ask yourself and to journal on

and why they, why they work.

If you take the time to be honest

with yourself.

So welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast.

This is episode number 202, and we've had

some breakthroughs in the podcast since I actually

have recorded an episode.

I mean, we are, uh, we're, we're breaking

a lot of records.

I mean, we got to 200, we got

to over 50,000 downloads, which for a

little small local inky dinky thing, that's kind

of a cool thing.

So there's some stuff going on.

I mean, there's a lot of really good

things with Decide Your Legacy.

And as I refer to DYL, that's Decide

Your Legacy.

Um, so I'm going to walk you through

these questions.

So this is a podcast where you are

going to get challenged to grow and to

take action.

And so I founded Decide Your Legacy, really

co-founded it in 2012.

And to be frank, and I have, we're

on our 14th year.

Our purpose is to help people to find

clarity, to make long-term change, to face

the stuff that's holding them back, to take

action, to move forward.

And we help leaders and their teams face

the core issues, holding them back.

We help people face the core issues, holding

them back so they can make long-term

change, you know, but crazy part about it

is I can't help my freaking self.

And I've really struggled with that.

You know, I, I was with a couple

of friends on Tuesday and I was sharing

this struggle, like, like what is next?

You know, and one of my friends, he

said, dude, Adam, you got to stop getting

your identity from things external to you, relationships,

like from your daughter, from your ex-wife,

from your parents, from your success, from your

business, from people, you know, you can't get

your identity from those things.

It has to come from within.

I mean, and as he talks, he says,

it has to come from, from the fact

that God made you and loves you and

wants you to succeed.

You got to figure that out.

And so I'm committed to these buddies.

I'm going to try and figure that out

with you today and share my own journey

that could be helpful to you as we

process it because it's, it's friends.

I can't do it without community.

I mean, I cannot do it alone.

I, I try to a lot.

I try to do my own thing and

I get it to go to the same

place that I've always been.

So, so I'm not going to do that

today.

I'm going to be honest with you and

I'm going to try my best to be

honest with you.

So four questions that will give you clarity

on your journey and what, what I like

to, and just kind of going back to

the roots of this podcast, my challenge to

myself is to explain things in a way

that you could explain them to your six

-year-old child and, and they would be

able to understand this.

So, so you could take this information and

you could share it.

And also that it doesn't have to be

perfect.

My goal today is not to communicate in

a perfect way, but to be honest with

you and to share it in an open

way where you can apply the content to

your own life.

So as we go through these four questions,

my challenge is for you to decide on

one that you're going to start with on

your own, and you're going to use that

on your own journey.

And when I visit with potential people that

I might, that DYL might do coaching with,

these are the same types of questions we

ask them to see if they're a fit.

But my buddy, Doug said, well, what would

you do to help a client?

That's one of the friends I was talking

to Doug and Kendall and Dan and Jason,

and just, just some buddies, you know, and,

and they were just challenging me with these

in the, in one of them said, Doug,

he said like, well, what would you do

to help a client?

And I said, I would freaking ask, I

would, I would ask them a bunch of

questions and I would dig deep.

You know, if they, if they, what would

you do to help a client who was

struggling with the same stuff you're struggling with

now, Adam was his specific question.

And I said, I would ask them questions,

open-ended questions.

I get really curious with them and we'd

go deep, we'd go deep, and then they

would get clarity in the process.

So those are the questions I'm going to

be giving to you today.

So put your seatbelt on.

We're going to take off.

It's going to go on a little adventure

here.

And a little bit about questions is too,

is, is if, if we're not willing to

be open to other people asking us questions,

that's going to hold us back on our

own growth.

If we get defensive and people ask us

questions, which was one of the main reasons

that I had a, a relationship setback is

because I didn't feel like there was openness

for me to ask any kind of question.

I mean, that was, that was legit.

And, and that was part of the challenge

and that gave me insight into this relationship.

And so it's, it's, it's not moving forward

right now.

I mean, maybe, maybe it will, but that

when you have friendships and relationships professionally and

they get defensive, or if you're a leader

and you're not open to other people asking

you questions, I've, I like to believe that

everything, nothing is off limits.

Nothing is off limits.

I mean, because you want to grow, you

want to be a better person.

That's what I'm attracted to in other people.

Like, like Troy, I'm attracted to Troy in

a healthy way because he wants to grow.

I see him trying to challenge himself and

I see him trying to improve as a

dad and as a, as a husband.

I see, I see a lot of people

around me like that.

And that's who I want to surround myself

with.

Although I don't want to surround myself with

those people too, if you know what I

mean, because they challenged me.

It's like, I don't want to, but I

want to.

So anyway, you can see seven up bottles

behind me.

That is because one of the core values

of Decide Your Legacy is on a scale

of one to 10, it's okay to be

a seven.

We don't want perfection.

We don't want perfection.

So the first question is this.

So what are times, love this question, man.

I mean, I've been asking this for a

decade.

What are times in your life, past or

present, recent, or a long time ago when

you have felt most fulfilled?

What are those times and how could you

create more of those moments in your life

today?

The reason this question works really well is

because it gets you to go back and

figure out what energized you.

It gets you to focus on how you

could reproduce that in the future.

And it gets you tapped into the present

as well.

I'm not going to answer it for you.

So I'm going to repeat it again.

What are times in your life, past or

present, when you felt most fulfilled?

There can be multiple.

And how could you recreate those moments today?

So as I did some journaling and reflecting

on this question over the last few days,

Doug, here's what my answer is.

I feel most fulfilled in my life when

I personally feel like a relationship is going

deeper, whether that's with a team, whether that's

with my family, whether that's with my friends,

whether that's with a stranger, when we're actually

getting to have a real conversation and that

connects people and it's real.

It's not a counterfeit relationship.

It's a real relationship.

And I'm not criticizing any of my relationships.

I can be a counterfeit.

I can foster counterfeit relationships.

I mean, I can create this crap.

I feel like I'm as much to blame

in my relationship life challenges as people that

I might reference subtly in this podcast.

So I hope that comes out.

I really do.

And so for me, that answer to that

question is like building a team.

I brought two of the people on my

team.

There's three of us on our core leadership

team at Decide Your Legacy.

It's Kelsey, Nick, and Adam.

That's me right here.

Okay.

So I brought them to the Global Leadership

Summit, which is this really cool conference that

happens every year.

And we went as a team.

And it was a kind of a last

minute thing.

Hey, you guys want to go?

Let's do this.

Let's go on.

Let's do it.

But that felt very fulfilling because we listened

to these great, really cool speakers, and we

were able to process through the content.

And I'm very grateful for that, man.

And I've looked at my notes so many

times, but I had fulfilling experiences just recently.

I had an ownership team at my office

and they faced a core issue.

It was this artificial harmony that had been

going on amongst these owners.

And they actually brought out the real issue

on their minds and people were honest about

it.

And I'm so excited for this team because

of where it's going to actually go.

And even just yesterday, Kelsey and I were

in with a core leadership team of a

company.

And I have them rate the usefulness of

the meeting on a scale of one to

10 at the very end of the meeting.

And the overall rating was like an 8

.7. There were times during that meeting when

I thought it was going to all fall

apart.

There were times in that meeting where I

felt incompetent and like an imposter.

There were times in that meeting where I

was insecure, but I knew that my mantra

is I don't have to feel confident to

be confident.

I just have to do the next right

thing and to push forward.

But when I left that meeting, I was

freaking energized because when I know that this

business is going to take action and I

got the sense that they're going to take

action and apply what they discussed during that

meeting, that fires me up.

And I want more of that.

Even though when I went into this three

-hour meeting, because when we meet with these

teams, we meet with them for it's basically

a half day that they're giving up once

per month to actually engage the core stuff

and to make progress.

That I know going into it, I'm not

always feeling confident.

I'm just not.

I'm just not.

But I can look at these things and

there's other variations of this question.

I mean, you can create your own variation

if you want, but that's question one.

And so there've been numerous moments in my

life that have energized me.

Now, I've had a business coach for four

years.

His name's Dan Kreis.

Great dude.

He asked me this same question again and

again, and it really kind of irritates me,

but I love him for asking it because

he is a guy in my life that

will ask me the hard questions that I

don't want to answer.

And, and it's like, you know, I like,

I like meeting with Dan and I don't

like meeting with Dan.

You guys can get, you know, you understand

what I'm saying here.

There are a lot of people out there

where I would say, I do not like

Decide Your Legacy, you know, because that, because

it makes me uncomfortable.

I mean, they, I don't like meeting with

Adam and that's okay.

That really makes me feel good because if

you don't like with me meeting with me,

sometimes that means I'm doing my job really.

And it means I'm earning, I'm earning my

keep.

So his question to me is what would

motivate your elephant or that is your elephant.

He's going to point out.

And what he's referencing is something that I,

when I first met with Dan, he referenced

this psychological model.

He didn't create it, but he brought it

to my attention.

It actually, the first time I read about

it was in a, it was in a

Chip and Dan Heath book called a, I

forget the name of the book, but it's

basically that you have a writer and then

the writer is the rational part of your

mind.

The, the elephant is the emotional part of

your mind.

And then there's a path that the elephant

is going down.

And basically he's saying, Adam, you have to

motivate your elephant.

You have to tap into the emotion, find

the emotion, find the motivation in this situation

to do the next right thing, like to

show up.

So if I don't want to go to

one of these leadership coaching things that, that

Decide Your Legacy does, cause I'm feeling insecure.

I got to tap into the fact that

emotionally, I have these experiences that can, I

can reference that are energizing for me and

fulfilling.

And I can reproduce those today.

So even though I don't feel like it,

I can still motivate with my rational mind

and my emotional self, my emotional, I can

tap into that and say like, let's do

it, man.

Let's go.

That's what this guy, I have this friend,

man.

He, we're celebrating his 50th birthday today and

I love him.

And he annoys me.

And, and he says this thing sometimes says,

let's go.

And it's like, it's like, dude, his name

is Jason.

So anyway, Jason, happy birthday.

Um, he, he says it and he, like

he, this it's energizing, but it's like, it's

like, okay, man, like, uh, I don't feel

that way right now.

I don't feel that way, but he's, he's

trying to motivate me or he's trying to

motivate other people in the moment, but we

got to find those moments that were really

fulfilling.

So some other friends over a month ago,

I was still freaking struggling a month ago.

I was, I'm still struggling and, and they

asked me to list 10 client successes.

And so I went and listed 10 client

successes and that was Luke and Stan and

Caleb.

And, and I'd listed them, man.

In fact, I listed 17.

I went back like five years and that

motivated my elephant.

It tapped into something in me.

So that's question number one, question number two,

I've loved this just as much.

So this one is, it's kind of, it's,

it's tapping into something that it's tapping into

potential regret.

So the question is, is if you kept

living exactly as you have been living this

past year, the last 12 months, what's one

thing that you imagine you might regret when

you look back at the end of your

life?

So you, you play that forward and you

say, you know, Adam's 52, he lives the

next 40 years of his life doing what

he did the last year.

What is one regret that I might have

at the end of that?

Be honest, be honest with yourself because, and

the reason that question works is because it

taps into the emotion of things you don't

want to miss out on.

You have this one precious, amazing life to

live right now today.

And today is the first day of the

rest of your life.

The past has already happened.

The past is done.

The mistakes you've made are done.

All you can do is learn from them

and find the meaning in them.

But the future is ahead and we don't

want to live a life where at the

end of our lives, we're looking back and

saying, I wish I would have done this.

I wish I would have done that.

I wish I would have done this.

I wish I would have done that.

You know, my dad has, he frustrates me

and I love him and I'm blessed to

have him.

And sometimes I take it for granted.

And one thing about my dad is he

does and has asked himself this question.

So he made a huge, massive career change.

And I would say it was in his

fifties, to be honest with you, where he

decided that he wasn't going to not take

certain risks that he had held back on.

And I've never had this blunt conversation with

him, but he has reference and he didn't

want to have regret like his dad had

when his dad would reference at the end

of his life.

His dad died when he was in his

sixties of colon cancer.

My grandfather, who I didn't know very well.

I mean, he died when I was, I

think seven, six or seven years old.

I do remember him though.

And he didn't want to have those times

where he said, I should have done this.

I should have done that.

He remembers his dad saying that kind of

stuff.

And I don't want that for you.

So I want you to think, what would

you actually regret?

So here's my honest answer.

This is, this is silly stuff, but I

would regret not doing things that are fun,

like playing ping pong and playing pool and

playing darts and doing things with my friends

where I'm connecting with friends.

I don't do that enough in my life.

I find that over the last year, I've

spent a lot of time doing business stuff

where I wanted in my ego was driving

it, but I wasn't taking the time to

connect with people.

I don't want to live with that kind

of regret.

And I've also done good stuff.

I also wrote down that I would regret

not being happier.

So I had another friend ask me that,

like, when, when are you going to just

let yourself be happy?

And I appreciate her asking me that.

I mean, like, when, when are you going

to let yourself just be happy?

I mean, that's, that's a, that's a big

one.

Cause there's times I don't let myself just

be happy, like enjoy the fruits in my

life.

Enjoy the stuff that's going well, focusing on

the good things in my life.

I would regret that if I died today,

I would regret that.

I would regret also not sharing with people

how I feel about them and not just

expressing how I feel and not asking how

they feel and tapping into how they feel.

So I would regret not being more curious

in those interactions that I have in a

really genuine way.

And I truly would regret times where I've

made it over the last year about me

and not about actually helping other people where

I've about my ego and my image.

And that has caused me a lot of

anxiety over the last year.

Cause, cause stepping back, it's like, I'm doing

this thing, but it's really about what other

people think about me.

Like I'm living my life to please other

people in some ways, not all of me.

I mean, I'm not going to this all

or nothing thing.

I'm just, as I reflect on this question,

I'm able to step back and say like

that right there was more motivated by ego

and not motivated by, by intuition by, by

what God has placed in me to, to

do next.

And that's a big deal.

I don't want to actually have that.

So I would regret not reading more fiction

truly and reading so much stuff.

That's about business and growth and not just

stepping back and having fun.

And even answering this question, just the last,

last night, I read two short stories from

Ernest Hemingway and I don't remember their name,

but it's part one and part two of

this story about a guy fly fishing.

And it was freaking really cool to read.

And I had a lot of appreciation by

reading that.

I don't know much about Ernest Hemingway, but

the detail of that, those short stories was

pretty inspiring to me.

I thought it would help me get a

better night's sleep, which I have struggled with

sleep lately.

And I do find that when I have

a lot of transition going on, I go

to bed and I'm just churning and processing.

And so I think that had a lot

to do with why I struggled with sleep

just being real with you guys.

That's my goal here.

You got to answer questions.

Honestly, I don't want to share with you

that I'm struggling with sleep, but I'm just,

I went ahead and shared that with you.

I don't know why, because I'm sure you

might be struggling with sleep, but I feel

like at times, because I've been there in

mental health for so long that this is

the deal that I have.

And I know this is my own mindset

and thinking is that if I struggle, I

can't really help other people who are struggling.

That's a weird thing.

Like total contradictory to this, make it a

seven thing that's right behind me.

Like if I, if I struggle, then I

go in as a fraud and because I'm

struggling and because I'm doing things that are

hiding out or I'm negative, or I'm not

seeing the good in my life, whatever, then

that disqualifies me from being able to help

other people.

I don't believe that though.

In fact, I think it makes it more

real for me to actually help other people.

If I'm being honest with myself that if

I can just be honest and talk to

myself about it and say like, you know,

it's okay, you got this, you know, let's

move forward, let's push forward, then I can

actually push through it.

So anyway, that's the question for you to

ask yourself.

And I'm going to just rephrase it one

more time.

Question number two, if you kept living exactly

as you have in this past year, what's

one thing you imagine you might regret when

you look back at the end of your

life?

You can list more.

I listed more.

I definitely listed more.

And actually answering that question gave me some

clarity on going on another trip with my

dad.

I don't know if it'll happen or not,

but he did give me inspiration.

He's always wanted to go to Washington, D

.C. I'm going to share it on this

podcast because my parents don't listen to every

episode, so I don't know, maybe it's some

accountability, but to have a time where I

actually take him, he's 87, to Washington, D

.C. He's been to all kinds of places

in his life, but he's never been to

Washington, D.C. It's like, come on, dad,

gotta go to Washington, D.C. I mean,

Washington, D.C. is pretty amazing.

Let's go, dad.

Let's go.

We got to do it.

And so, and of course, if we did

that, we'd definitely want to go visit Emerson

in Boston as well, my daughter.

Which, by the way, I do believe that

has a lot to do with why I've

been struggling the last two months because she

didn't come home this summer.

She's 19.

It's her first summer away.

She did an internship in Eukes Bridge, Massachusetts.

She stayed with a host family at a

church.

She's a ministry major at Gordon College.

Go Gordon College, Scots.

And she wanted to stay out there and

do an internship practicum at a church.

She's had a blast.

But for me, I struggled with that.

I definitely struggled with that, man.

I mean, she's my only child, and I

realized that I wanted to be around Emerson

this summer.

And we got to be around each other

this summer.

We did.

We had some really good experiences this summer

because we went on a trip together.

But I didn't get as much time as

I selfishly wanted, making it about me.

That was me making it about me.

But I got having a tough time breaking

away from that.

Just having a tough time, you people listening,

breaking away from getting my identity from things

that are not healthy.

But these questions are going to help you,

and they're helping me right now.

So if you found this helpful so far,

we are through the first two questions.

Hold on, we got two more.

But I do have something to share with

you.

It's called Shatterproof Yourself, Seven Steps to a

Giant Leap in Your Self-Confidence.

You can hit the link.

You can go through this course.

It has 17 whiteboards, 25 worksheets that I

go through clients with, take them through and

have for years and years.

I explain how to take these seven small

steps to a giant leap in your self

-confidence.

It's going to help you go deeper on

this content.

If you found this helpful, hit the link.

Go through that content with a friend, with

your family, with your team.

You're going to find it helpful.

Check it out.

Hit the link below.

So third question.

Third question.

Good one here.

So this one is cool.

I love it.

The person I want to be in five

years would do this.

Finish the sentence.

The person that I want to be.

I can see Troy's mind just churning right

now.

The person I want to be in five

years.

So what do I want is a great

question to ask yourself.

Not selfishly, but what is inspired?

What are you inspired to want?

Inspiration means it comes from a spiritual source

in spirit.

It's not information.

Information is someone telling you what to do.

It's sitting down with Adam and Adam saying

like, you should do this, this, and this.

No, that's not what a good coach would

do.

I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to rephrase what you tell me

and what I hear as a good coach

and help you go and take those steps

next moving forward.

So what would that do?

The reason this question works is it gets

specific.

So go ahead and say, what age are

you in five years?

I'm age 57 in five years.

My dad's age 92.

My mom's age 80, 84 in five years.

My daughter's age 24 in five years.

So what would this person do?

And here's my honest answer here.

I remember when I was married for 14

years, I had this scripture verse inscribed on

my wedding ring and it was, I believe

1 Thessalonians something, but it basically was pray

without ceasing.

It was the verse.

I don't even know the reference, but you

might know.

It was have an orientation towards life where

you're mindful of God's presence in your life.

And so the person I want to be

in five years is more of that to

where I have the connection, like I'm not

alone, like there's a plan for me.

It's good.

There's good things ahead.

It's a person I want to be in

five years is more generous and more curious

than I am today.

The person I will be in five years

would do this.

The person I would be in five years

would feel that inspiration inside and then just

take action on it.

Whether it's a person that I have a

conversation with that I wouldn't because I feel

inspired to do so.

And one of the reasons this question also

works is because it goes into the future

and you can back out of it into

today.

Because what happens when you answer this question

is you'll start realizing you can do some

of these things today.

That person you want to be in five

years is the same person that's sitting in

a chair or in the car or going

on a walk or working out listening to

this podcast can do the same stuff today,

which is really inspiring because you can take

some action on it.

And everything in Decide Your Legacy, by the

way, is in every question we ask, I

wouldn't say every, but the goal is that

we want it to be about personal and

professional.

We're not just these work people.

We're not just isolated.

We are a whole person.

And it's also oriented towards action.

And everything that we engage with clients on

gives you some next step as you answer

a question as you move forward.

And all of it as well is going

to be about getting at the core.

You can notice that these questions, they don't

stay surface level.

They're actually getting you to go and say,

what about me can I work on to

change, to have, to decide my legacy, to

have a bigger, better, brighter future, to do

more of the good stuff and less of

the bad, to know what I want to

let go of and what I want to

actually embrace.

That's what we're talking about here moving forward.

So what are your answers?

The person I want to be in five

years would do this.

Well, the person I want to be in

five years would be less anxious, less self

-centered.

He would make it about impacting other people.

He would let go of ego.

He would flip, and this is one of

those challenges here, like he would flip the

arrow on money.

I heard one of the speakers at the

GLS talk about that, that what they found,

oh yeah, this was Jim Collins talking who

wrote Good to Great.

He wrote another book about what to make

of a life.

And he was talking about his book.

And he said, and he studied these people

at crossroads in their lives, at transitions in

their lives.

And one thing he noticed is they learned

to flip the arrow on money, to make

it that making money was a way that

they could live out their purpose.

Making money was not their purpose.

So they were flipping the arrow on money.

So it was much less about money and

much more about having an impact.

So I want that to be me because

I have made money an issue in my

life, not having enough of it at times,

or even my emotional health is connected to

whether or not I'm doing well financially or

not.

That's craziness, but true.

And it comes out in my interactions with

other people.

I don't want that to be me in

five years.

I don't want that to be me in

five hours, to be truthful with you, but

I feel like it's been a struggle the

last year.

So that's it.

That's the third question.

So in the fourth question, and before I

actually go into the fourth question, this fourth

question right here is one that I have

a worksheet on.

It's called the, it's called the, if I

had more self-confidence worksheet and these businesses

that I referenced, they all use this worksheet

in these workshops that we give these, these

leadership team development workshops.

I use it as a primer oftentimes before

they go into an interaction with their team,

because it opens them up to put themselves

in a different mindset and headspace.

And if this question resonates with you, number

four, which I haven't shared right now, I

am going to look in your inbox and

see there's going to be a workshop in

the next six weeks, within the next six

weeks, that it's going to be an hour,

a 90 minute workshop where I'm going to

walk you through this worksheet, this worksheet, and

you'll have access to this worksheet as well.

And it'll be, it'll be one where you

can, you can come in remotely.

So it'll be over zoom, but you can

register for that and go through that.

If this is attractive content to you, especially

this next question.

So here's the question is if I had,

if I had 10 times more self-confidence.

So what I want you to do is

think about situations in your life where you

have less self-confidence, specific situations that you're

struggling with, and then ask yourself if I

had 10 times more self-confidence in this

situation, because you, you'd lack it right now.

So for me specifically, if I had 10

times more self-confidence going into one of

these leadership team development meetings that we, we

lead, how would I show up differently?

So how would I, and the real question

is what would others notice different about me

if I had 10, 10 times more self

-confidence in that situation?

So the reason that question works is because

you're stepping back outside of yourself and becoming

aware of how you would be perceived.

Not that it's about their perception, but aware

of how you would be seen differently.

So you're able to zoom into your actions

and you're able to look back and you're

able to project that forward on what you

would do differently.

So it has that past, present, future orientation

to it.

And it can be personal or professional situations

where you lack self-confidence.

So you're, you're going to answer that honestly.

That's why it works.

A neutral third-party perspective, because what I

find is often people that, and we can

put our own mindset into that other person's

perspective and step back with practice, but people

that are less emotionally attached to our specific

situation can give us good advice regarding what

we should do next.

And, and we're doing what in this activity,

we're doing what Steven Pressfield is one of

my all-time favorite authors, Steven Pressfield, check

him out.

He wrote the war of art and he

wrote one book.

I just listened to put your ass where

your heart wants to be.

I don't know if I can say that

on the show, but that's the name of

the book right there.

Put your ass where your heart wants to

be.

Steven Pressfield, he wrote the legend of Bagger

Vance and he wrote some fiction too.

That's really great stuff, but he's just great

to listen to.

He actually narrates all of his audio books.

Love that.

And he talks about his own failures and

struggles and he's in his eighties now, but

he talks about self-reinforcement.

Self-reinforcement is when we're talking to ourselves,

giving ourselves reinforcement so that we can get

through that hard situation.

And that question provides you some things to

tell yourself that will give you some self

reinforcement.

Pretty cool stuff.

So here's my answer.

And this is the worksheet that I personally

do the most, by the way, personally do

the most.

So out of those 25 worksheets that I

walk you through in Shatterproof Yourself, this is

the one I actually do the most personally.

I do them all because I have more

than 25.

I give you my 25 most popular, the

ones I wanted to give in reference the

most, but they're all in there for you.

If you want to go through it, Shatterproof

Yourself.

So here's my honest answer.

If I had more self-confidence and I

look at a specific situation like in this

one is my, my career.

Okay.

So I would, people would notice me laughing

and smiling more.

They would notice me talking about the gains,

not the gap as much as I can.

Cause some of my friends recently have heard

me talk about the gap, how much further

I want to go and how much farther

I have to go.

And thanks to Dan Sullivan of the strategic

coach, I have this concept called the gap

and the gain.

You can check that out.

Great book.

I am a strategic coacher on my first

year and it's been really helpful for me.

Very challenging.

It's triggered a lot of stuff, but I'm

going to thank him because he's a very

inspiring coach.

He's not a friend.

He's just somebody that I reference and his

content is very helpful to me.

But what I would do is they would

notice me not making it about myself.

They would definitely notice me doing things that

are scary for me, more risks that I

would take, which I am doing some, but

I have noticed myself wanting to pull away

and isolate and not take some of these

risks that I know are really helpful and

healthy for me.

So that's what they would notice right there.

So let's do question number four.

Again, if I had self-confidence 10 times

in a situation where I'm insecure, what would

others notice about me?

And on the worksheet, I have other ways

to break that down.

So you want to go ahead and we'll

put a link in the show notes actually

to RSVP for that workshop because it's going

to be cool and it'll be open to,

you can tell your friends this and that.

We just got to get that worked out,

Troy, so we can do that, but don't

let me forget.

All right.

And we got some cool articles that we're

going to reference as well.

Have one, it's my 20 favorite questions to

ask clients.

It elaborates on some of these questions here

and there's 18 ways to build self-confidence.

We'll link in the show notes to those

blog posts as well so you can reference

those.

So you got four questions.

Again, be willing to answer honestly those four

questions.

I have gotten started in my own process

and these questions that I'm talking about as

I'm trying to figure out what's next in

my life, I have just gotten started.

I mean, like I shared with you my

starting of answers here, but this is something

I got to go back and explore.

And I'm even thinking about contemplating right now

going on a two or three day mini

retreat just to journal and get away.

And I haven't done that.

I can't think of the last time I

actually did that.

It's been a lot of go, go, go,

but it's going to take some still digging

in here for me.

I don't have all this figured out.

I mean, I do not.

I know that just answering these fairly briefly

over the last couple of days, it has

given me some inspiration, some clarity.

It has tapped into my elephant some, but

I want you to at least start with

the one of those four that you like

and answer it by the end of the

day today.

So by the end of the day today,

answer that question in writing, in handwriting, don't

type it out, in handwriting.

See this pen?

This is called a pen.

I want you to get one of these

and I want you to get a piece

of paper.

That's called a piece of paper right there

or a journal or something.

And I want you to handwrite it because

psychologically, it's going to go deeper as you

actually handwrite it.

Handwritten notes have an impact and it's going

to force you to realize that you can

write faster than you probably think you can.

And you can also get more clarity as

you write it down and go back and

cross it out and edit it and look

at it.

And then you can type it out.

You can type it out as a clarifying

exercise, but start with some handwriting.

So there you go.

You got these four questions.

You're being challenged to actually apply them.

And I'll tell you that being honest with

yourself is no easy task.

Are you willing to take the next step

and do it?

Are you willing to answer these questions and

to take some new action based on your

answers?

Only you can do it.

So just kind of stepping back, summarizing here,

decide your legacy.

To decide means you're eliminating other options.

Your legacy is the impact you want your

life to have on other people.

There's no positive change until you decide to

make a change.

80% of making a long-term transformation,

80% is action, okay?

It's not insight.

You're gaining insight today.

It's what you do with this insight that's

actually going to make the change in your

life.

What insight have you gained?

What are you going to apply based on

what you learned today?

Go back and listen to this podcast again

if you want.

Send it to your friends.

Go out there.

We're over 50,000 downloads, over 200 episodes.

Share it.

Give us a rating and review on Apple

or Spotify.

Help us to grow organically.

I'm passionate about these four questions.

I'm passionate about your growth and your success.

And I want to close the way that

I always do.

Make it your mission to live the life

today that you want to be remembered for

10 years after you're gone.

You decide your legacy, nobody else.

I'm very grateful for you.

I appreciate you so much for sharing this

podcast, for sharing this time with me.

And I will see you on the next

episode.