Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. Really glad you joined in today. And if you have not already done so, and you found value in this podcast, please give us a rating and review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. That really helps it to grow organically. If you found it helpful, tell your friends as well.

I got a great topic for you today. It's on how to choose healthy relationships. Now relationships. And the quality of our relationships impacts our future significantly. It impacts our day to day and our happiness, our peace of mind or quality of life. I'm going to give you seven different things to look for, to know if a relationship is healthy and to know whether or not you should probably exit or probably look at some boundaries there.

So if you haven't tuned into a Decide Your Legacy podcast before my name's Adam Gragg and I am a life coach, I call myself a legacy coach, actually. I'm a mental health professional, been a licensed mental health professionals since 1998. So I'm going on 23, 24 years. My life purpose is to help people find transformational clarity and overcome their biggest fear so they can live and leave their desired legacy.

They can overcome these fears that are holding them back. And I always approach podcasts, or at least I try to approach podcast as discussing topics in a way that a six year old would understand. So you could go to your six year old and explain these concepts and they would resonate with them and say, yeah, that makes sense, dad.

Or that makes sense, mom, or, you know, they would understand it. So basic yet significant. Life-changing concepts. I also discuss topics that I struggle with myself. So it's funny, I produce podcasts, not just for my audience, but I produced them for me so that I can listen to them. And I actually do listen to them sometimes to remind myself of what I need to focus on and work on.

It's pretty interesting, cause I, I find anxiety. I struggle with relationships. I struggle with every topic I've discussed so far and that really. And exaggeration every topic I've chosen and discussed. I struggle with myself. So I have recently shared risks that I've taken and I've been doing this, I think for me the last seven episodes, but there's two risks that I took over the last two weeks.

Since the last podcast was released. And one was, I have a friend, one of my best friends in the world who actually can't believe it, but had a stroke. And I decided last minute, because there were some back and forth with his wife about whether it'd be okay to go to go visit him. And he's in California. I mean, I'm in Wichita, Kansas, believe it or not.

But I grew up in California, in California. And so I decided to purchase a ticket on a Friday evening and go out on a Saturday morning. So, no, this was Easter weekend and nobody in my family knew I was going. And in fact, my parents thought I was going to the ambassador hotel, local hotel with my daughter for Easter, for Easter brunch and all that.

And so then I was planning on that until I decided to buy the tickets. So anyway, one of the risks I took is I decided to surprise everybody at Easter dinner and I actually filmed this thing. So I put a bag on my head with holes in it, a grocery sack. I had a, I had a, Sports coat on. I took off my shoes cause I knew they'd recognize my vans cause I wear those a lot and I basically decided that, okay, it's worth just trying to scare them, trying to scare the hell out of them.

And I really succeeded at that. And if you want to see the video. You can, there's going to be a link in the show notes to this video and it's going to show, yeah, it was a risk because I didn't know exactly how they would respond. I knew that, someone could probably tackle me as I go into the backyard with this trash bag on my head.

I was carrying actually a, not a trash bag, but a grocery sack. I'm saying, I'm sorry, but I was carrying a grocery sack full of stuff. I was bringing over for Easter as well. And it ended up just being really. And really positive and a great memory for everybody, but it was a risk that I took. I kind of tried to talk myself out of it, but I'm glad I actually didn't.

And then I decided to go to my childhood home. I mean, I lived in this house from age zero from zero to 18. My parents actually built the house and I moved in when I was six months old. And I knew that one of the neighbors that was there when I grew up actually still live next door. [00:05:00] And so I actually knocked on the door and I said to them, And they looked at me.

I mean, his name is Terry Rose. He's almost 80. He looked at me and said, hello, can I help you? And I said, do you recognize me? And he said, kind of Adam. And I said, Adam, and he said, huh? I said, Adam Gragg. And then he gave me a big hug. So he, he was a really friendly and it was a great experience, the whole thing.

And then I asked him about the people who had purchased mild childhood home. And I asked them if they're friendly, basically. And he said, yes, they're super friendly. I said, do you think it'd be okay if I went over there and talk to them and ask for a tour, whatever. And he said, yeah, go for it. I bet they give you one and sure enough, they did.

so it was a risk. They could have said, no, they could have rejected me, but they gave me a tour. I filmed my old house. Very different, a lot nicer, honestly, although it was really nice when I grew up in it too. And, it was just a great experience. I mean, it was such a cool thing to send my daughter videos and, send some friends videos of that and just to have that whole experience.

Adam Gragg: So I got to tell you this subject right here, one reason it's so important to me is that because. You know, for many of you, you know that unfortunately I had a tragic ending to my marriage and I have hoped to at some point get married again. And so on occasion, I go on dates and on occasion I try to connect with potential spouses and things, and this whole topic of how to choose.

Healthy relationships is not only relevant to the dating world, which it's significantly relevant, but it's also related to building relationships, friendships with coworkers and friendships in general. I mean, even with your family and to know which ones are toxic and which ones are healthy, and that's what I'm going to talk about today.

Seven things to look for, to know which ones are toxic and which ones are healthy. And so. If you are, you know, looking for a spouse or you're looking for new friends, I mean, think there's very, it's very similar creating a close relationship with a friend, you know, plutonic as it would be a romantic partner.

I mean, there's certain healthy things. I mean the attraction thing, obviously isn't there, but there's certain levels of health you're going to want to look for in that level of health. Sometimes there can be red flags that we don't want to admit to. We don't want to actually acknowledge, but these are all seven red flags.

I mean, things like, okay, this is something that I should take some great consideration to. It might be a reason to run. It might be a reason to actually to end the relationship overall. And I think I've shared with you before in a past podcast that there's a famous study that was done with monkeys.

Where they actually had a monkey in a cage, terrified the monkey shock, the monkey water, gongs, all this stuff. And they measured the cortisol level, which is a stress hormone. I talked last podcast about the sympathetic versus parasympathetic state. So parasympathetic state is when you relax rest and digest, sympathetic state is, is fight and flight and freeze.

And so these monkeys, obviously, you know, they're in a fight flight, free state, cause they're being terrified and their cortisol level is just through the roof and then they take one. Of the monkeys buddies and they put the monkey's buddy in the cage and reproduce the experiment and their level of cortisol drops at least in half by having their buddy in a cage.

And so our friends will not only impact the quality of our life, but they'll even impact the financial condition of our life. I mean, there's studies showing that you are going to be and have the same level of financial health as your five closest friends, it's going to impact your career. It's going to impact the way you are creative. It's going to impact whether or not you do new things and take risks and challenges. They're going to impact you in so many ways. And if you have negative toxic ones, it's going to bring you down. If you've got positive ones, it's going to bring you up, got to choose carefully and choose wisely, know where you're spending and investing your time and know the quality of that because what you focus on the most and where you put the most energy into you will amplify.

There is no doubt about it. You will amplify it. So choose it wisely. And I'm going to give you tools to help you choose more wisely, the right friends in your life. So let's go ahead and just jump right in. And I, and I will tell you too, just a little definition. That you are, there's a difference between a friendship at intimate friendship and an acquaintance.

And, and sometimes we have to define that very clearly in our mind that, you know, this is somebody maybe I met at work and we really connected and you know, they're interested in drones and I'm interested in drones and they like some of the same music. I like. You kind of get the feeling that, you know, this could be more than just a coworker relationship and, and that could literally develop into an intimate and I speak of intimacy as just closeness, you know, as a heart relationship and honest relationship, it's nothing.

There's nothing more than plutonic implied in that whatsoever when I use the word intimacy. All right. [00:10:00] So, but that relationship can go deeper and those are exciting things in life. You recognize this and they're rare as well. I mean, don't take for granted these friendship relationships, because they're things that can really keep you going.

They can change the quality of your life. And then there are acquaintances. And acquaintances or people that, you know, you, you don't see it having that kind of potential. Sometimes it can surprise you and it can go and it can become an intimate, close relationship. But oftentimes it's somebody that, okay.

They may be a great person, but we don't have that kind of special something that's necessary to go to the next level. And that's okay. And that's fine. And then there's also toxic relationships that should be ended, but friendships and I use the term very kind of intimately, if you would. I mean, it's a significant thing to say that guy's my friend, you know, or, you know, I'm a friend, they're, they're a good friend.

You know, I consider my brother not only my brother, but also consider him a friend. I mean, consider him someone I confide in. And someone who talks to me honestly, and I talked to him honestly, and actually our friendship has developed over probably the last five years. It hasn't even. I wouldn't consider my brother who I love, but the friendship aspect has developed significantly in recent years.

And some of that's because of trauma I've been through, honestly, that's led me to actually reaching out and connecting with him in a different way. So seven things to look for in choosing healthy relationships and an ending healthy ending toxic relationships. So number one, number one, do they have lasting relationships?

Do they maintain and nurture lasting relationships? Are they friends with people from high school in grade school? Are they friends with people and maintain friendships with people that they knew from college? Do they make, do they put energy into those relationships? And you're going to pick up on that as you get to know them.

Cause they'll talk about these people. Are they close to family and do they maintain relationships with family or are they consistently complaining about how toxic their family is? Maybe it is very toxic. I get it. I mean, it might be. That is crucial to identify as do they really put the energy into relationships because if they don't and they don't have any friends from their childhood years, they have no friends from their college years.

They have no work coworkers they've stayed in touch with, from former employers. That's a red flag. It means that there's something missing in those dynamics. And it's probably connected to them in some way. Not always, but probably connected into some kind of interaction style or some kind of defensiveness or some insecurity that they have that they can work on, but that is impacting the longevity of their relationships.

Currently. Second thing, do they have a sense of humor? Can they laugh? Can they have fun? Do they laugh at things that they should laugh at? You know, that's a sense of humor means that somebody can relax. I mean, I mentioned the last podcast, which you may want to reference. It's three, three. Practices for overcoming anxiety, that humor is crucial.

And having a sense of humor is crucial to dealing with anxiety, taking you from sympathetic to parasympathetic. I actually spoke for a, a pretty big architecture firm on Friday. And I, I knew I was speaking to architects and I knew the personality style of a typical stereotypical architect, which I think is really bogus.

Cause there's all kinds of different types of personalities that make good architects. But anyway, I decided to hide my fart machine under one of their chairs and during the presentation and actual that section was on humor because I was talking to them about stress and mental health. I pressed the button for the fart machine and it lets a really realistic fart, you know, it's really funny.

I think it's super funny. And so half the room laughed, half the room didn't but overall, hopefully it was a memorable experience when they weren't. You got to have a sense of humor. I mean, this Wednesday, hopefully I'll be going out to the Loony Bin, which will put a link to the Loony Bin. That's the local comedy club that we have here in Wichita, Kansas.

And they have open mic night on Wednesdays. I don't know if I'm going to participate in the open mic actually be up there. Cause I don't know if I'm that funny, especially when I try to be. But I'm going to go and laugh at the people getting up in front at the open mic. So do they have a sense of humor?

Do you sense that in them, are they so serious that they can't let go and laugh at themselves and laugh about the situations they're in and the laugh about the circumstances of life and see the lighter side of life. That's crucial. That's crucial. And you'll pick up on that over time. As you build these relationships, as you see these situations, number three, are they flexible?

I've mentioned that flexibility is the Cardinal trait of all mental illness. It is the number one factor that I see in people when they're struggling with depression, anxiety, all kinds of mental health issues, because that flexibility they've decided to be inflexible in order to stay safe. So they stay rigid and rigid means breakable.

They stay rigid and they go by a set of rules rather than trusting themselves and letting go. And living in the middle, not between [00:15:00] perfectionism and procrastination and by the way, everyone, I know that's a perfectionist is always a procrastinator as well. If I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all.

So are they flexible? And you can pick up on this kind of stuff. So what, when you go out to dinner, are they willing to try new things? Are they willing to do new types of activities they haven't done before that they could fail at? And they could look silly at because they're flexing. Or are they so polarized to one point of view that there's no, there's no flexibility at all.

See, I enjoy politics. I enjoy religion. I enjoy talking about topics that are kind of triggering. And one reason it is, is because it shows me where somebody's mental at level of mental health is. And their self-confidence is because if somebody is so incredibly tied to one point of view, without any kind of wiggle room or willingness to listen to someone else's point of view, that shows a lack of flexibility.

It all shows flexibility when they're highly defensive, you know, conservative or liberal, you know, or because if they're highly defensive, that generally is a sign that they have some level of lack of confidence in their point of view, it really shows some insecurity because if you're super confident in your point of view, whatever it may be, then you're going to be.

Confident. You're not going to be defensive. You don't have any defend. Do you just simply believe what you believe? And they can accept that or they can reject that. And usually when you're really confident in your point of view, you don't have to defend it. You just, it is what it is. It is the way you view things and you're willing to listen to their point of view.

You're willing to listen open-mindedly to their point of view, but there's no real defensiveness at play. There's no real defensiveness at play. I mean, I, I remember one interaction at Christmas with, somebody in my family. I won't name names, but they made some comments about something political. Then my response to that was, I don't think that's accurate information or at least that's not what I've read.

Have you considered such and such. And I was pointing out some just very cut factual information and they got highly defensive about it and it was no fun and it wasn't, that's why people say don't talk politics or religion with family, but it shouldn't be, I mean, healthy people. Are not defensive about their point of views.

It's simply their point of view and other people can have different point of views and they can listen to them and they can respect them and they can give them a big hug afterwards. And simply say that I don't see things the same way. That's a healthy sign of maturity. So number four, number fourth thing to look for at healthy relationships ones you want to keep a nurture and maintain is are they willing to deal with their past? Are they willing to deal with their past and acknowledge how their past actually impacts them today? So I'll give you some examples here, and they're not always positive ones, but I mean, I have a friend who lost his mom, a close friend who lost his mom when he was young. And I remember some early interactions with him and he would say things like that didn't impact me.

You know, things could have been a lot worse. Things could have been a lot worse, you know, or it really didn't, you know, have a huge impact because I was so young and, you know, there may be some level of truth there usually actually is. But over time he's realized that how the lack of a mom, a biological mom has impacted his life.

And he's more open to that. And, you know, he has kids now and he's able to say things like, gosh, you know, I get so sad sometimes because I think my mom missed this and I don't even know my mom and I wish I did. And you know, and he's gotten to know his mom through his older siblings and asking questions and gathering information, but that's been a real level of willingness to deal and face these things in our past that do impact us.

And if we deny it and living in denial is just a sign of it's, it's a sign of living in unreality. The, you know, the truth will set you free. It's just. A fact of life that we have to go and feel it to heal it. So, and I see this in counseling as a counselor over the years, I will see people go through something tragic in their past, and then they'll numb it through whatever form they can.

It could be a new relationship. It can be spending money. It can be an addiction. It could be workaholism could be pornography. It could be whatever they numb it. And they actually live in denial. And say that it didn't impact them or act as if it didn't impact them when really it did. And those around them actually know that they know clearly like this did impact them, but I can't bring it up because I mean, they're going to snap at me if I bring it up.

So they don't actually ever bring it up, but it has had a great impact on their life. We have to deal with our past in order to move forward from it. It's not that we live there and hang out there and spend all of our emotional energy there, but we realize that it impacted us and does impact us. And it creates blind spots in our life.

And our lives, as we choose future relationships or jobs or situations, we can have blind spots. So once we recognize that and admit to it, then we're going to be free from it. And that's my ultimate hope for all my clients. And every listener is we can live with freedom. You have choices, you have options.

It's not this language must can't, you know, have to it's the language of [00:20:00] choice of it's the language. I have freedom. I can decide to do this. If I want to decision it's so powerful. So are they willing to deal with their past? The fifth thing is, are they actually, what are their lifestyle habits? So in this one, I put a little bit less weight in, because I think you can have great friends that have lifestyle habits that are really out of balance and they're willing to change it over time.

But if you watch them, are they investing so much energy into one part of their life? To the neglect of another part of the life. So I see this and have even while dating, I've seen people basically make idols out of their kids. I mean, it's so important to them and all their energy goes into that area of their life.

And you're just wondering, okay. would there ever be room for a, another role relationship or I've seen people put so much energy into their. And their financial condition, and that is the focus of their life and they're living without balance. And the balance means they're investing energy into all seven major areas of life, spiritual family, self care, fun, health, social, intellectual.

Financial and I put career as really the last, as far as importance, but lifestyle habits. Do they have addictions? Do they have addictions? I mean, are they an alcoholic? That's not trying to get into recovery. I mean, not admitting and not trying to go get some kind of support through a 12 step group or counseling or something.

Are they living in denial instead? I mean, those are things you want to look for those lifestyle habits. The a six thing to look for is, is boundaries with others. Are they willing to have boundaries and established boundaries with other people because that's going to be a sign of self-confidence because they're going to be able to say, you know, I'm not comfortable with this situation.

I'm not comfortable with how I'm being paid, or they're going to ask for a raise or they're going to ask for an office, or they're going to ask to have some more space in a relationship. Are they willing to actually do that? Or they just go to the blame self-pity game in a victim mentality where they have no control.

So boundaries means that we are able to say, you know, this is an area of my life. I have some influence over in a relationship, and this is a place where I really don't and they're going to focus on that area of influence and they're going to take their own self care so seriously that they know. That establishing a boundary is absolutely necessary with certain relationships and they're willing to end them even at the cost of embarrassment at the cost of threat.

Cause I know sometimes ending relationships, they can threaten to share things about you or talk about you negatively or tell your friends about you. But they're willing to say, you know what, my values do not align with this person and I'm willing to end this relationship because it's the right thing to do.

It's not good for my kids, but most of all, it's not good for me. And they make that hard decision to actually end. That relationship and there's ways to have boundaries. I mean, it's simply by saying, I mean, I have some boundaries with my time by saying that I have another prior commitment. Even if that commitment is to myself, I have boundaries related to my sleep schedule.

I have boundaries related to what I put in my body. I have boundaries related to what I watch on TV. And what I listened to his music, you know, I mean, there's all kinds of different ways. I mean, are they willing to actually align their boundaries with their values and have clear clarified values enough that they are willing to say no to those things that they know are inputs that aren't actually going to help them and move them towards their goals.

The seventh thing to look for in knowing if it's a healthy or toxic relationship is self. And again, I put less weight in this than I would actually some of the other things I mentioned, simply because you can work on your self-confidence, you know, it's one of those areas of life where investment in energy and putting time into self-reflection, it can make a huge difference because self-confidence often is, comes from having some negative core beliefs.

I mean, there's three real top ones and variants of these I'm unlovable. I'm unworthy. I'm unlovable, I'm unworthy and I'm helpless. And then variants of whatever those are. So I'm a helpless, could be a mean a variant could be, you know, it is not worth it, it won't change or I'm unlovable can come out in all kinds of ways.

Like why try, you know, I'm not going to try to reach out to that person and build a friendship because they haven't worked in the past. Confidence is it's necessity that you unpack those negative core beliefs. And I'm going to a link to a show note to an article in the show notes about an, about identifying and replacing negative core beliefs as well.

And that's something that I would highly. Encourage you to take and put some energy into, I do with all my coaching clients. And that's the benefit of having a one-on-one coach, someone on my team is because we can talk you through it, help you find a new perspective, help you look at the facts so that you can identify these areas of negative core belief in your life.

Confident people are okay being alone. So let's say you're dating and somebody goes from relationship to relationship to relationship, and you notice that pattern in their life. It's not usually a good sign. I mean, because have they healed from their divorce or healed [00:25:00] from that past relationship or do they have to have somebody to feel valuable?

Do they need to have this person will have to feel valuable? Are they getting their self-worth from status, like position? I mean, that's a negative sign. I mean, if they're consistently talking about being the CFO and that's all they talk about, well, I mean, they're probably really smart. I'm not knocking that they're the CFO of a big company, and I'm glad they're the CFO of a big company.

And I'm proud of them for working hard to get to that position. But is that their identity? That's generally not a sign of good self-confidence because. And extrinsic level of identity. It won't always last. I mean, you have to always be able to identify as the CFO of whatever company, but eventually they're going to retire and eventually they're gonna have to find their self-worth in another way.

And it's gotta be intrinsic. Intrinsic means it can't be taken away. It's internal. So someone's intrinsic traits are things like, you know, kindness and. And generosity and sense of humor and lightness and approachability. And everybody has intrinsic traits that I'd encourage them to focus on. And if you would like to we'll link to the show notes are actually linked to the podcast on building your self-worth.

It's one of my favorite episodes that I've ever recorded, and I'd encourage you to listen to that because it helps people. And it's going to talk about how to identify four things you really love about yourself that are intrinsic. And I do that in all my coaching. All with all my coaching clients. It's a necessity.

It's absolutely essential. You identify and reflect on those. If you like what you've heard so far, subscribe to the decide your legacy newsletter. I put stuff out every week, every two weeks, highly valuable content. You will not want to miss it. And when you do, you're going to get my PDF five days to overpowering anxiety.

So some of the best stuff that you can do, the stuff I would engage in when and do engage in when I'm really struggling with anxiety. I love Abraham Lincoln. So I'm a big fan, you know, and I've mentioned this in other podcasts, but it's not the years of your life. That count it's the life in your years.

Are you living life to its fullest? And one of my favorite quotes is from Winston Churchill as well. And its success is not final, failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts. So as you listen to these seven traits, you want to look for in a healthy relationship. I don't want you to give up hope on people who you think about as we talk, as I've been talking that kind of have those traits or a couple of those traits or whatever, because.

People can change. You know, one of my core values is always hope. There is always hope. If you're breathing there is hope you can work on it. People change and people change because you're changing often in the way you're interacting with them. Sometimes based on these toxic characteristics, but people can change.

And if you're in a marriage and you notice some of these things in your spouse, well, you can change yourself and work on yourself so that you're more approachable so that your they're more likely to actually change. So if you struggle with any of these. seven negative traits are traits to look for.

You can work on those in yourself. So there's always hope and there's hope maybe even your, in your current relationship that, okay. I see a lot of work going on and that's what I look for. What, when there's hope, there's acknowledgement awareness, awareness of why and how I'm doing these things and a willingness to actually change and make those hard decisions to go against your anxiety and against your fear to do things differently.

Are you seeing that in that. Are you addressed? I mean, you don't have to point it out to them, but are you seeing them wanting to address. Then there's hope and it may be a healthy relationship. It may turn into a really healthy relationship because they're willing to change. And so that's the one thing I want you to take away from today is that not to go ahead and end toxic relationships, which, you know, you got to have boundaries with them and not to be critical of all these relationships that you have, but I want you to take away the fact that people can change and that you have the ability to choose.

You have the ability to choose who you're going to invest your time and energy and. Into now, but it doesn't mean that some of these relationships where you need boundaries won't change and be transformed into really healthy ones because the quality I see in people. Consistently that are highly successful is the willingness to admit that I got an area to work on and to admit that I got to change something in my life and to own it, to really say, this is a problem and not to blame it on their past is probably directly connected to their past, but not to blame it and say, I'm a victim, but to say, oh my gosh, I recognize this in my past.

I recognize myself doing this and. I'm going to work my butt off to change this because it's worth it for my quality of life and for the quality of life of my kids and the future of my family and my, my marriage. It's worth it. I'm going to work on this stuff and I'm going to acknowledge it in the moment when I'm triggered.

I'm going to recognize that it's a trigger and I'm going to try and do anything possible to get some space, rather than just blurting something out that can be damaged. As well. And so from now, for [00:30:00] now, what I want you to do is to think about the one thing from this podcast today that you think has been very impactful to you.

Is there something that you want to work on because you know, you do these kinds of activities in relationships. Is there something that you need to end as a relationship you need to get some distance from? Are you going to need to change the way you pick relationships and choose these people who you spend the most time with?

I'll tell you. That long-term relationships have saved me in very difficult times in my life. I mean, going through a divorce was traumatic for me. I never thought it would happen. Never thought it could happen. And I look back right now and I think of friends in friendships that have been with me the entire time, even when I was pushing them away, they were still pursuing.

And then I'll, I'll probably miss some names here, but Todd and Allen and Joe and mark, and my brother, Brandon, and, you know, really my sister, Erica, my parents. Brian, Dave, Nate, Brent, I'm sure I'm missing some, some people there, but those long-term friendships have been crucial for me. And they have literally saved my life.

I mean, because they've helped me to think clearly in times when I was in a really dark spot and to get out of that dark spot, I can think of just sacrifices that they have made in order to get me out of that dark spot. So you out there today get to pick. Friends. And for some of you it's rekindling old relationships because they were healthy and you need to go back and apologize and say, I was wrong and say, do whatever you can to repair the relationship because people are hungry for that.

And I will tell you that most of the time they, they are repairable. If you reach back out, there may be high school friends that you think of right now is. Okay. I can reach out to them. There may be college friends. You think of, I can reach out to them and thank them for some of these qualities that you may have neglect that you may have not really appreciated in them that they had.

Cause a shift happens as we grow in emotional maturity and maturity overall, as we start attracting people that are at the same level of maturity that we're at. So as you get healthier, you actually start attracting and being attracted to healthier people yourself. Because we surround ourselves and it's actually something that Murray Bowen, who's a famous psychiatrist, studied extensively that we are attracted to people at the same maturity level, emotional health.

He called the differentiation and differentiation means that we're able to have space from our life and look at it. And. Say, Hey, here's some I want to change or something I need to work on. And the level of differentiation you have a cynic is indicative of your emotional and mental health, and that we're going to be attracted to and attract people with that same level of differentiation.

So if you found this helpful, please like this podcast, subscribe, Apple, Spotify. I will tell you that if you're interested and you like what you hear as well, that I do sell an online course called Tune-up For Life. And I'm in the process of revamping it and changing it. And it's going to really. Doubling the size of content, and it's going to be called the legacy journey and you have an opportunity over the next seven days to purchase it for $129.

And I sell it for $149. So you're getting a significant discount and you will be grandfathered in to the Legacy Journey, which will sell for either $399 or $499 come the end of this year. So it's an opportunity you don't want to miss or pass up. You have to enter in the coupon code legacy action to get that discount.

Enter in the coupon code at checkout at decideyourlegacy.com. You click on Tune-Up For Life, you enroll, you enter the coupon code and apply the coupon code legacy action. And in Tune-Up For Life, I'm just going to summarize some of the topics right now. So healthy thinking skills, how to have the right perspective on your life research-based tools will help you develop and maintain a healthy and positive perspective.

It's place. I start with every client. Covers limiting mindsets, core beliefs, all of that stuff I've even shared in this podcast, your true value, which I actually mentioned in this podcast as well. And there's videos of me talking about these things and worksheets of me discussing these topics so that you get to fill out and go through on your own.

It's like your own personalized coaching. It doesn't replace hiring a coach like me or someone on my team, but it's a step in that right direction. So it helps you with identifying your true value is your confidence. Do you lack self worth, but you get to discover your unique intrinsic traits and spend the time self-reflecting and stepping back and identifying those and making those a part of your daily focus.

You get to assess your life. And so this is on life balance. Assess your life and all seven life areas. And establish a realistic standard, a healthy standard, not a perfectionistic standard for each area of your life and then decide, well, what changes do I need to make in order to live with balance?

That's a part of the course and it's essential as well. And then living from your core, you get to identify your core values and learn how to align your life towards those values. People don't identify and articulate their core values you're going to, and this is probably my favorite part of tuna for life is you get to identify.

And articulate a life purpose statement. Everyone has a life purpose statement that [00:35:00] is unique. A life purpose that is unique to them. It's really a secondary purpose cause your primary purpose is to help others. And me as a Christian is to glorify God. But it's to help others in some fashion. And then the secondary life purpose is your unique spin on that purpose.

So it could be, it could be to help other people by creating podcasts and helping them see that they have a message to get out there and then make money in the process. It could be. You know, I have a good friend who his life purpose relates to nature and help people see the value of nature and experiencing nature and getting outside and seeing the healing power of getting outside and engaging with your family.

And it's all kind of connect. It's all connect, very highly connected. And then the last two sections one is on goal setting. It's called focus, your energy, how to set the right goals. And focus on them consistently to filter them through. You learn how to filter your goals so that you're left with the ones that are only moving you towards your life purpose and towards your vision for the future.

And then the last section is I'm being attentional. I'm being intentional, which is also a core value of mine. And it's being intentional in your habits to move towards those goals, which are leading you towards that vision that you have and that life purpose and your core values. So you end up and I use this coffee illustration often you'll have to look on my website or read articles.

You end up with a good cup of coffee. So again, thank you for tuning in. What does that one thing you want to take away from today? Apply it today in some fashion, or at least over the next couple of days, by the end of Sunday, the weekend, whatever, apply it soon, or you will forget it. Thanks for tuning in.

That's all I have for you today. I appreciate you greatly. Make a decision. You decide your legacy. No one else. And I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.