Ep40_CopingWithStress
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. Really glad you're here. If you have not already done so please subscribe on Apple or Spotify. Give us a review and give us a rating. That really helps it to grow. Pull out your phone right now. As I'm talking to you, give us a rating and review on apple or Spotify that helps it grow organically, which it has been growing significantly.

Today. I got a topic for you that I'm excited about. I had somebody last week ask me, well, Hey, and they had had some significant health problems related to stress in their life and they ask me what to do about it. And this is a question I get consistently from clients. What do I do to better manage my stress?

And sometimes it's after the fact when they have heart issues or they've gone through a divorce or they've lost a job, or they have addiction issues and they've used addiction to cope and they're coming to me after the fact. And then I'm thinking, well, how can we prevent it from actually getting to that point in the first place?

That's what I wanna talk to you about today. So six things that you can do to prevent stress from getting outta hand in your life. So you can live a long life. And if you are already not dealing with stress, well, six things you can implement now that can help you to start coping in a much healthier fashion.

So I am Adam Gragg and I'm a mental health professional for over 20 years. I'm a legacy coach, podcaster and speaker. And I like to talk about topics that you can describe to your six year old after you listen, and they can understand exactly what you're talking about and how to apply it to their life.

I want it to be simple and applicable. I also talk about things that I struggle with myself. I'm not the best in the world at managing my own stress. I struggle. I'm a fellow traveler. This, this topic today can save your life. This topic today can save your life. I had a very difficult experience in December of last year.

I was struggling with anxiety and depression. And it was something that kind of came on strong outta the blue. I knew that I was grieving the loss of some things in my life, and I was finally dealing with some trauma in my life. And I went to the doctor and just said I was struggling and, you know, I don't like to take medication, not against it.

I'm a mental health professional I'm, but I got to the point where I wanted to get some help and they diagnosed me with ADHD, believe it or not. And that was a misdiagnosis. It, the medication did calm me down, helped me deal with things a little bit for like a day or two. And then it got me really amped up and I was not wanting to face some things.

I was facing some things in my life for the first time, but I also wasn't wanting to feel the pain, but because of taking this medication, I had five sleepless nights in a row. And two, basically was, was, not thinking clearly at all. I was not coping with life. I didn't really see a whole lot of hope in life.

And thankfully two of my closest friends, Brent and Dave walked me through it. I got it figured out and I'm at a much better place right now. But I wasn't practicing, not only was the medication wrong, but I wasn't practicing a lot of the stress coping mechanisms that I recommend my clients practice to prevent it from getting out of hand.

And just to review you have your sympathetic nervous system state where you are in fight or flight mode. Parasympathetic is rest and digest. I was in the sympathetic state. I mean, I did five days without sleep. I was anxious. I was worrying about things. I was kind of going crazy. I mean, I was imagining stuff in my head that was going to happen.

That wasn't actually going to happen. I mean, my friends were concerned. And eventually we got it figured out because they got me some medical help and we got it figured out and I have been sleeping much better since, and I haven't had any situations like that since if you stay stuck in that sympathetic state, you're always just kind of on, in the fight or fight freeze mode.

We can't live there. Parasympathetic is rest and digest and that's [00:05:00] where we want to live. And that's when we actually are coping with stress well. We're learning to rest and digest, and we're in a state where our body is gonna function. Well, we are negative and stressed out for a reason often as well, because it helps keep us safe.

We think that we're preventing something bad from happening. That's where I was when those five days without sleep, I was thinking about everything, overthinking everything, and I. Thinking I was keeping myself safe from things that weren't even actually dangerous in my life.

In the process of me preparing for this podcast. What I'm doing right now is I'm, based on this question and the question that I get from my clients so often about how to deal with stress and based on the trainings that I get to give I'm coming up with a checklist. And I think it's gonna be 15 items on there that you can do your own little stress checklist.

How well are you coping? And I'm gonna share six of those with you today, and then give all my subscribers this as a free PDF. So let's go ahead and jump right in and stress. Things are gonna happen in your life that are outta your control, that you're going to have to face and deal with. Some of you are going to have children who get in a car accident outta the blue.

I have a 15 year old daughter, and I'm worried about her driving. Now, some of you are gonna have health issues that come, some are gonna lose spouses. Some of you are gonna lose jobs. Some of you are gonna have marriages fall apart. Stress. And problems are the great equalizer you can prepare in advance.

For dealing with these things that you know are gonna happen. It's not a surprise that these bad things happen. It shouldn't be because you live. And the longer you live, the more out likely you are gonna be dealing with some things, cuz health issues are gonna come. Money issues are gonna come. And there's a lot of stress in the environment right now.

And there has been over the last three years we had COVID. Now we have people worrying about money and the economy. We have all kinds of things to worry. And you will always find something to worry about unless you learn to replace it with something better and greater and bigger, like a purpose and a mission and things that are going well in your life.

You'll find some way to replace it because you're used to actually engaging in those negative patterns that cause a lot of stress in your life. So first thing on the checklist. So am I engaging? That's gonna help you to deal with the stress in your life. Am I engaging positive relationships? Am I engaging positive relationships and am I engaging them in a way where I'm vulnerable and open and doing this consistently and planning it into my life.

Getting coffee with friends is significant for me, hanging out with people after church and talking and getting caught up with them. Doing going to social events that are outta my comfort zone, doing that with friends sometimes without friends reaching out and engaging people and having conversations.

Am I engaging positive relationships consistently? I find that there's sometimes when I'm engaging negative relationships consistently, and I know I shouldn't be, I know in my. In my heart, that this is not the right relationship and it's bringing me down, but I'm still engaging it for some whacked out reason.

Maybe deep down. I believe I deserve negativity. I don't know. But am I doing that on a consistent basis? I wasn't doing that consistently. When I had that issue at the beginning of December that I got through, obviously, but yesterday I went on a walk. By myself, well, actually with my dog, but I had my AirPods in and I was talking to a friend, the entire walk.

We walked about a mile, let's see for about an hour. It was like two and a half miles. And I talked to my buddy, Dave. I mean, he's one of the people that got me through that really difficult time. Him and him and Brandon, amongst other people. I mean a lot of friends, but they were there. They spent like the whole weekend with me, basically helping me out.

Cuz I was in, I was not in a good place. Engage those positive relationships. And right now I'd encourage you even today to make a list of who are those people in your life that are encouraging to you that are supportive, that are real friends that are gonna be there with you during the dark times that are gonna take that call in the middle of the night.

When you're really struggling, that are gonna take that call in the middle of the day when you're really struggling, cuz those things and those people you do not want to take for granted. So are you engaging positive relationships? Number two, and these are not in any order of importance. Are you getting consistent exercise?

Are you moving? We store stress in our body. We store trauma in our body. We store so much emotion in our body. Good and bad. But are you getting some exercise consistently? And I would recommend that you get 20 to 30 minutes of exercise a day or more, but sometimes I've kind of overdone it. But I wasn't getting the consistent exercise that I had before in the past.

Cuz I do a lot of processing when I run and swim and do yoga. And I noticed in thinking back in that period, I was not doing the yoga and the running and the lifting, [00:10:00] the way that I had in the past. I was isolating quite a bit, not a good thing. Wasn't engaging those positive relationships work in exercise into your life.

You can do it briefly and break it up throughout the day. Sometimes in the morning, just do five minutes of exercise, maybe five minutes of yoga or stretching, or maybe you go on a walk for 20 minutes or 10 minutes sometimes between. Activities and projects. I will do pushups and sit ups in my office. It can help me.

It takes me five minutes or I'll do yoga poses in my office to stretch. And then I'll do things like go workout, which I'm gonna do later today. I'm gonna go lift today and. Do that for a half an hour, 30 minute 30, I mean 40 minutes sometimes an hour, but am I doing this stuff consistently? That's crucial to managing stress.

It releases serotonin. It releases positive hormones. it neurotransmitters, I mean, it creates a, you know, the feel good, kind of. Stuff that we get from other destructive things, you know, like nicotine and alcohol and other illegal, any illegal drugs, but he gives it to us naturally. So am I getting enough exercise?

Third thing. Am I relaxing? Am I taking the time to relax now when I was in Paris, one thing I brought back from there was that these people, at least the ones I was around, they certainly relaxed better than. My American counterparts. I mean, I, I saw a lot of people sitting in parks, reading books, having picnics, playing with their kids, just doing things in a way.

And maybe I don't believe they were all tourists at all. Cuz I wasn't always in tourist parts of town. Because my sister knows Paris and her husband know Paris pretty well. So we went to a lot of parts that were more of the locals. I saw people relaxing at cafes with their friends, and we were hanging out for a couple hours and they were hanging out for a couple hours.

It wasn't just. This, I gotta go to that next thing. And I gotta always be busy to feel productive and valuable, which is one of those addictive kind of things people have is they feel like their value comes from their performance. Therefore, if they're not performing and getting that next thing crossed off their checklist, they're not being productive and they're worthless, but I didn't see that.

And I know it's a change of mindset. That we have to go through in order to say, it's okay to relax and just to be still and really to do nothing. And we can waste time doing that. I know I. in the evening. I can watch three hours in Netflix or I can just watch one 40 minute episode or with a movie. I know I can watch it in a weeknight, a two hour movie, but what I find is best for me is probably to break it into, if it's a, it's a two and a half hour movie, I'll watch it over three nights and it's something I look forward to and enjoy and it's relaxing, but I'm not overdoing it. It's not keeping me from a bedtime. It's not keeping me from getting exercise and getting up in the morning. It's actually a real restful rejuvenating type of activity. Are you getting enough? Rest? Are you getting enough relaxation in your life? Number four, is, are you practicing gratitude and positivity consistently?

Or. Or not. And I've told you about my habits. When I wake up in the morning, I list the five things that happened yesterday, five that were positive and five things I'm excited about later today. I have a list of gratitude questions I like to go through. I like to journal and see the gain rather than the pain and the opportunity rather than the suffering.

You know the opportunity rather than the problem. And you create these habits of starting to change the neural pathways, which are habitual ways of thinking positive, negative, neutral. You start neuroplasticity means they are actually changeable and we start working on it. So we're not in the negative.

And I even think that if we're 1% more positive today, that's progress than we were yesterday. If we're. The next day we grow 1% more positive the next day, the next day, 1% more positive. That's gonna transform your life because you've putting into your life. Some good things. I had a client actually recently, who was reading a sales book.

And the sales book had this challenge where you come up with five affirmations in different areas of your life, which she did an excellent job of coming up with those. And then you write them down for 30 days. You write each of those five affirmations down. 25 times, three times a day. So each you write down each affirmation, 75 times once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and then once in the evening and you do that for 30 days straight.

And she was looking at me and asking me kind of, is that too [00:15:00] much or crazy or whatever? And I said, no. I said, I need to challenge my clients to do that kind of stuff as well. I know it's gonna take some time, but these were very inspiring things that she was telling herself. And a good affirmation. A good affirmation is gonna be true.

It's gonna be something in the present tense. It's gonna have some emotion tied to it. It's going to be inspiring to you. And it's, it's going to be, well, I think that covers it. It's gonna be, it's gonna be true. It's gonna be in the present tense. So for example, you know, I like to be at about 185 pounds and I like to work out about four or five days a week consistently.

And so an affirmation can be for me basically, I feel great and healthy when I get exercise consistently, that keeps me at my ideal weight. And the one thing that's kind of missing is it's not real challenging, cuz that's not necessarily as much of a challenge for me, but an affirmation that could be financially is that I am growing financially in my contentment and enjoyment of my life.

Through the blessings I have financially and enjoying 'em every day. And that could be at something positive. That's going on in my life. That is an affirmation. Now I wanna even look at the. Because I just actually did look at some other affirmations from clients that I think might be helpful and you can be inspired as well.

So, okay. Here's an affirmation. As I follow my game plan for my day, I feel successful content and energized, and that's about staying on your schedule. So imagine writing that down 25 times as I follow my game plan, which he has a game plan, I feel successful. Content and energized, and that's starting to sink in and transform his life.

I'm carefree, independent, and happy living a lifestyle on my current income boy, that's about contentment and that's somebody that makes really good money about being content and inspired. And it may not motivate them to actually make more money, but it's gonna motivate them to enjoy each and every day.

Which is crucial to live in the present moment to actually deal with and actually be happy to live in the present moment. So be positive, find ways to be positive. I read a poem and I'm gonna read it to you. This is something that has inspired me a lot that a friend shared with me, last summer. And I.

Forgot the name and everything, but, emailed that friend and have the name of the poem and the author. It's by Edmond it's by Edmond Vance cook. It's called how did you die in reading inspiring poetry? Although I wasn't always a big fan. It can be really helpful. So did you tackle that trouble that came your way with a resolute heart and cheerful or hide your face from the light of day with a Craven soul and fearful?

Oh, it troubles a ton. Or a troubles announce or a trouble is what you make it. And it isn't the fact that your hurt that counts, but only how did you take it? You are beaten to earth. Well, well, what's that come up with a smiling face? It's nothing against you to fall down flat, but to lie there that's disgrace the harder you're thrown.

Why the higher you bounce be proud of your black and die. It isn't the fact that your lick that counts it's how did you fight and why? And though you be done to death, what then, if you battled the best you could, if you played your part in the world of men, the critic will call it good. Death comes with a crawl or comes with a pounce, and whether he's slow or spry, it isn't the fact that you're dead, that counts, but only how did you die?

Gives me the chills to read that it is inspiring to me. So find ways to get inspiration, encouragement, positivity in your life. And it's gonna come from these friends that are gonna help you to deal with stress. It's gonna come from that rest. That's gonna help you deal with stress. It's gonna come from getting that exercise.

It's gonna make your mind. More apt to actually be positive and see the good as well. So the fifth thing am I getting, am I taking enough time for self-care and self-care are things that energize you and things that fill you up that you enjoy. So hobbies, interests. Reading about stuff that you're interested in reading and learning about history.

I've been inspired to learn about France and great Britain since I was over there recently. And I'll read about these things at night sometimes, and they energize me. If I list my objectives for the next day, that will actually energize me. It energizes me to go play golf and to hit golf balls. It energizes to me to hang out with friends and every once in a while, smoke a cigar energizes me.

To do things with my daughter that are new and interesting and inspiring. It energizes me to travel. It energizes me to even energizes me to follow the stock market. Sometimes believe it or not. So what are those things that energize you and what are those things that drain you? I would encourage you to [00:20:00] take the time to self reflect and make a list.

Of what those energizers, energizers and drainers are and maximize the energizers, minimize the drainers. That's gonna be a self-care strategy and I'm gonna link to an article on ways to love yourself. That's gonna give you some other ideas of ways to take care. You're gonna give you some inspiration of energizers in your life that you can actually build into your life on a consistent basis.

So then number six and. Are number six when it comes to preventing stress from taking you over, is, are you taking risks in your life or are you just playing it safe? Are you getting out there and taking risks or are you playing it safe now? It is. Imperative that you do things that are emotionally vulnerable on a consistent basis.

As I've shared before. In other podcasts, I like to take risks or I don't really like it all the time, but I share some risks that I've taken. And I didn't do that beginning of this podcast, cuz I knew I was gonna talk about it here as the sixth item in dealing with, preventative of stress. and so what I did recently that was a risk is I told my therapist of I've actually seen her for over four years, but there was something that I was ashamed of that I didn't wanna share with her and actually shared it with her today.

And that was a risk because I am a therapist and it wasn't something I'd thought about all the time, but it was something new and something where. Hey, I don't know. It could have been in my mind. I thought it could maybe end the therapeutic relationship, but it wasn't really that big of a deal, even. It was pretty basic, but to me it was a vulnerable thing.

I also shared with a new friend and with an old friend. That, same thing that I shared with her. And so, and it's stuff that has been hard for me to talk about, cuz it applies to the past, but are you taking risks? And that means potentially being rejected. So when I'm putting myself out there and doing things where I can potentially be rejected, even if it's new content, if it's recording a new podcast, if it's, it's usually something for me though, it's where I'm actually exposing the real Adam and I'm putting him out there and I'm gonna see how the world responds to that person.

And some aren't gonna like him and some are gonna think he's annoying and some are gonna think. Full of crap. And some are gonna think he's, you know, a great guy and charismatic and fun, and I want to be around him, but being my real self. And so in times it's a risk for me. When I go on a new, on a date with somebody and, you know, looking for, looking for Eve, let's say Adam and Eve, and I go on a date and I'm.

Wanting to impress, cuz I want 'em to like me and then I just let go. And I keep the objective in mind, which is just, I'm gonna get to know somebody, a new person. I'm getting to know a new person. And if I keep that objective in mind that I can be myself, the objective being that I'm gonna be curious and interested and it's, it's a risk still cuz I could potentially be rejected, but I'm going at it from a different perspective.

How can I have a great time? What can we do? That's fun. What is, what am I gonna learn from this experience? Even if it doesn't go well, and that shift changes everything, and it makes the risk actually an opportunity, something that's inspiring and enjoyable. And yeah, I could fluff it. I could mess it up, but it's gonna be different in my perspective.

So. You change your perspective, what can I give to this person? And this situation is healthy as well on a first date. How can I be a blessing to them? How can I learn about them? So if you found this helpful, I have something for you. Go to the link in the show notes, and I'm gonna give you. My stress management checklist.

It's a prevention checklist. It's got a bunch of things you can look at, basically say, am I practicing these on a regular basis? Or do I need to add 'em to my life? So you can do a, self-assessment go to the show notes. You will get that checklist for free. It could save your life. Success is not final.

Failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts. That's Winston Churchill. So what are you gonna do with this information? These six ways you can prevent stress from getting outta hand in your life. Are you engaging? Positive relationships? Are you getting consistent exercise movement? Are you getting enough rest and relaxation in your life?

Are you practicing gratitude and positivity and affirmations? Are you. Taking care of yourself. Are you working in self care to your life? Are you taking risks and taking action consistently to apply and to learn and to grow and to stretch yourself? Are you taking risk consistently emotional risks consistently?

And by the way, if you're interested in the skydive on September 10th, let me know. I think I still got one more slot [00:25:00] left. So overall, I want you to think about one thing you can apply from today and decide today to apply it. By the end of the day today, or at least by the end of the end of the day tomorrow, you have to take action.

If you're gonna change. If first takes awareness, okay, I have a problem here. Then it takes acceptance. This is a significant problem that could damage my life. And then it takes action. You won't take action unless you first have that awareness. In that acceptance. So if you have heart problems now and you wanna prevent it from getting worse and you wanna decrease the stress in your life, you're gonna have to own the fact that this needs to change and take some action to do something different.

Is it calling an old friend? Is it engaging an old colleague? Is it getting some more exercise? Is it stopping a bad habit? If you found this episode helpful, please like, and subscribe on Spotify and apple, give me a review. And if you have found it helpful as well. Always feel free to reach out@decideyourlegacy.com with ideas for future podcasts.

I'd love to get your feedback and I'd love to answer your questions. Just like the one I answered today, I'm managing stress. That's all I got for you today. So you make a decision, you decide your legacy. No one else. You make a decision to live the life today that you wanna be remembered for 10 years after you're gone.

You Decide Your Legacy. No one else. And I'll see you next time. Thank you for tuning in. I appreciate you greatly. Bye bye.