#46: Staying Motivated to Reach Your Goals

We know what it feels like to be motivated right after hearing or reading something inspiring. But what happens on day five, or day 50? How do you maintain that energy level to achieve your goals? On this episode we break down several practical strategies you can engage to stay motivated for the long haul.

Ep46_StayingMotivated
===

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. I'm your host, Adam Gragg if you haven't already done so subscribe, so you'll never miss another podcast episode. And if you haven't already done so, and you've found this podcast helpful, please pull out your phone right now. Take you 10 to 15 seconds. Give it a a rating, a review on Apple or Spotify or wherever you get your podcast content.

A question I get asked frequently is how to stay motivated. In fact, after a training, a talk I did to a company about a six weeks ago, one of the questions at the very end is how do I make this stuff? Stick. I go, and I listen and I'm motivated. I'm excited, but how do I make it stick? Once I leave here and I.

Consistently from clients as well. It is exciting. Now I believe I can do this. I want to go out there, but I know that it's gonna leave me once I leave your office, Adam, what do I do to make it stick? We are going to address that topic today. And as I have in other previous episodes, I wanna share a couple risks that I have taken recently.

And so one thing I did is I decided, because I have my 30th high school reunion coming up, I decided to put a provoking message on Facebook. That would get some people thinking about attending. And so here's what I actually said. I said 30th Jesuit High School of Sacramento reunion for the class of 92, October 7th through 9th.

I'm too busy with work family being around people. I actually like and success in general to waste my time on something like this, but I'm sure some losers stuck in their past will be there. Did I read your mind and parenthesis? Just kidding. Haha. Anyway, it was a risk for me to put it out there. It was kind of fun, funny, whatever.

I also took my daughter. In fact, we went twice to the state fair and she brought a friend both times and on the ride there, I started to ask some questions, which a lot of times. I don't want to engage because I don't wanna feel rejected, but in all these situations, they did engage. Once I, once I got past the initial kind of resistance and awkwardness.

And I'm gonna talk to you about that in this episode as well. So I'm Adam Gragg for those of you don't know, I'm a legacy coach, speaker podcaster, mental health professional for almost 25 years. Started in 19 98, 19 99. My life purpose is helping people and organizations find transformational clarity that propels them forward to face their biggest fears.

And they're often emotional fears so they can live and leave their chosen legacy. Their chosen legacy. I also talk about stuff that you can describe to your six year old child or older, but at least a six year old child, and they can grasp the concepts we're discussing in the podcast. So last week's episode was on happiness, six happiness tricks.

One of the concepts was reframing things that are negative in your life to something positive or an opportunity. So for example, your six year old comes home and says, I hate math and you ask them, well, what do you hate about it? And they tell you, I hate math. It's not gonna, I can't learn this and that.

And you with a six year old are gonna be able to help them understand delicately through your parenting God-given parenting skills, how they can see this is potentially an opportunity and it may even be asking them well, how are you gonna feel at the end of the year when you've learned all these different things about math?

Oh, I'll feel great. Dad I'll feel great, daddy. And we can reframe all kinds of negative things in our lives. And that can be something you can. Consistently, but of course describe to somebody much younger than yourself. I also discuss topics that I struggle with myself. I struggle with motivation as I talk about this topic right now, as thinking on the way over to the studio.

Well, I have struggled with being motivated to get up at five 30 for a long period of time. Now it used to be a no brainer for me. It was very easy, kind of natural, but it's been a struggle for me. If you don't make progress in your life, if you're not moving forward. You're actually moving backwards. If you're not moving forward, you're actually moving backwards.

You're gonna damage your life. If you don't make some progress, very important topic because of that. If you don't live courageously and face the problems that you have in life courageously. And move forward and face it. Sometimes it's facing evil malevolence in your life. You'll make the suffering in your life, much worse and suffering is inevitable, but you'll make it much, much worse if you don't face it.

I love how Steven Covey author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author of a bunch of great great books he's deceased now, but he defines integrity as keeping promises to yourself. And also living aligned with your values, with your core values each and every. You feel like crap when you don't do this and you know that, and I'm gonna link in this episode to a podcast I did on core values a while back that you can get more information on core values, identifying your own core values as well.

So this is a very important topic. And if you [00:05:00] aren't willing to somehow. Look at this and say, Hey, I may have some very scary parts of my life and things that I doubt, but I have these goals and I wanna move forward. I'm telling you, you're gonna have to face some fears. You might as well just turn this off right now because it's gonna take you facing some very uncomfortable things in your life.

If you're gonna be motivated to make progress in your life, there's no other way around it. And I said this last podcast, and I'll say it again. The closer you are to a breakthrough. The greater, the fear actually is you're on a CU of a break of a breakthrough. When you feel the most resistance in your life with things that, you know, you want to do things, you know, you want to achieve first thing.

And these aren't in any particular order. So for six things that can help you to stay motivated. And I thought, and what really helps me to stay motivated. Obviously I struggle with, like I said, but number one, and these are in no particular order, no particular order of importance, write it down, post it, remember it.

You're gonna leak. It's going to leak psychologically. It sticks with you when you write it down somewhere, post it on your car dash, post it on your mirror. What is it you want to achieve? What is that goal? I like to have three to four goals that I'm focusing on at any specific time in my life. And it's great to have a smart goals, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic time base smart Seagul, challenging as well.

Sometimes I challenge clients when they have a goal to write it down 20 times during the week ahead. And to look at it 20 times during the week ahead, if I don't think they're gonna actually look at it 20 times on their own, after I've written it down on an index card for them, I tell them you write it down 20 times over the next week ahead.

And I'm always shocked at how much, how quickly most people can identify what their biggest goals actually are. So on the way to the state fair. I asked my daughter's friend, Peyton, what one of her goals was for the year. And she actually had a couple, believe it or not. She asked, she told me that she wants to go to bed earlier and she wants to get up earlier.

So she wants to go to bed earlier, which is. Kind of a necessity for getting up earlier. And I asked her why, and she said, well, because I'll start my day off. Well, and I'll feel much better about myself. And then she kind of kept talking because, and I was surprised, but she said, I wanna learn and do a better job at saying no to people and doing what I want and having boundaries.

And it led to an excellent conversation. People know what they wanna work on, but you're gonna forget if you don't focus on it consistently, you're gonna have these moments of clarity. And I would suggest you keep a notebook somewhere. Like one of those little small, you can stick 'em in your pocket notebooks.

Those are excellent. My friend, Bryan usually has those often. He's also the guy that helps me with my pod records, my podcast as well. I see them and I just ordered some on Amazon today. Cuz I like to physically write some things down and I need to do it more often. Actually. It's been challenging to me to do that.

If you write it down, you look at it, it's gonna help you stay motivated. The second thing is to identify the obstacles that you know, are actually gonna come. There are things that, you know, are gonna happen that are gonna get in the way the recovery community has this spot on. So you think if you go to a 12 step meeting, they'll often talk about identifying people, places, and things that can be triggers for you to relapse.

People places and things. So it could be people you hung out with that used in the past could be a specific place. What makes you sad? And you grieve, which is not a bad thing by the way, but it may be a trigger you have to recognize it could be. Some, I mean, there's a variety of things. People play, it could be a bar that you hung out with, hung out at, or a part of town that you frequented, and then you figure out how am I gonna overcome that specific obstacle?

So another one of her friends and I told 'em both there. I told 'em, they're all gonna be in the podcast. So that's kind of getting them excited. So one of her friends, her name is Rachel. And her dad is, one of my best friends. So anyway, I asked Rachel what her biggest goal was for the year. And she said, well, at first, I don't know.

I don't know. And then I told her and Emerson who were in the car together. I said, you know, Emerson. And I have this rule at home that we can't say we don't know. I mean, if we legitimately don't know, we can say, I need to think about it. I need to go and research it. I need to process it. I need some time, whatever.

And she totally was receptive to that. Emerson's receptive to that now. She has a friend in the car. If it's just me, she's not as receptive to that, but she was receptive in this situation. And Rachel quickly rattled off that she wants to make varsity cheer. Then I asked her why, and she said, well, I don't know.

And then she thought about it. Well, I want to get to the level, the best level possible in the areas of my life that are important to me. Great. Inspiring. I mean, she was crystal clear on this thing. And then when I was talking about it, I asked her, well, what's the biggest obstacle. And she was crystal clear on that as well.

She already knew the rule about saying, I don't know. And she said, well, it's practicing it's I go to practices, but I gotta work on my jumps. My jumps need to be higher for me to make varsity. And then I asked her how she's gonna do that. And she said, well, I gotta take time to practice on [00:10:00] my own in between session, in between actual cheer practices.

I gotta practice on my own and put energy into that and go to camps and invest my own energy into getting better. And she. Like inspiring me as she was sharing this, I could tell she was inspired. And then as we were talking Emerson chimed in and she really wanted to participate. So I said, Emerson, you know, what's your biggest goal right now?

And she said, well, I want to get a leading role on a play in a school play. And, she actually has, and just recently got a part in the play, a actually speaking, she has some lines, I'm super excited about that and extremely proud of Emerson for that, but she was crystal clear. I wanna make and get a leading role in one of the school plays.

And I asked her, well, what's the biggest obstacle for you to getting a leading role in one of the school plays? And she said, well, it's thinking that other people are better than me. They deserve it because they're more prepared they've been in, you know, they're older potentially, maybe they're juniors or seniors, or they're just better than me.

And so it was a real limiting mindset that she could identify. And then I asked her, how are you gonna, how are you gonna work on that Emerson? How are you gonna overcome that? and that was a tougher question to answer actually. And so I kind of walked her through some steps there. So like, you know, what evidence do you have that you're gonna fail at something like this?

What evidence do you have that you could succeed? How does it benefit you to think this way? And she's kind of clear on that one now. Cause I've asked it so many times that she can say, well, it keeps me safe. I don't have to try. If I doubt myself, you know, what's a better, healthier perspective or who would you be if you didn't have this thought?

That's something I got from Byron Katie. So who would I be if I didn't actually have this thought? And the answer is generally, I'd be confident, you know, I'd go and do it. I would practice. And so she identified a healthier perspective in that process. And the healthier perspective was something like, you know, if I work at it and I keep practicing and I don't give up, I can push through and I'm gonna get there.

And I'm gonna be qualified. And so I could sense in Emerson as well as she was talking on the way to the Kansas state fair, her confidence was growing as well. So that's number two, you identify the obstacles that you know, are actually gonna be coming, and then you find some way to cope with those specific obstacles.

And so for Emerson too, she shared that she can practice more. She can take more classes, she can learn more acting skills and vocal skills and things that will help her outside of actual rehearsal. That will help her to get part in the future. So number three is focus on a vision. Have a vision and the vision could be the first thing that you do is you start focusing on a vision some times.

In fact, oftentimes with clients, I'll have them tell me, like, what's where do you want your life to be in six months? And then I'll give 'em different categories in health, spiritually with your family socially with fun. And they'll rattle some things often. It's not very difficult. In fact, generally they enjoy it quite greatly to see me writing on this board, these things that are possible.

In their life. And one client recently said, you know, gosh, it was so great in the session. And then I went home and I was discouraged and I felt sad. And I asked him why he felt sad. Well, he felt sad because he looked at that vision board and he thought, man, that's a lot of work. That's work and effort that I have to put in.

And then he started to doubt himself. So he was identifying, as he emailed me this, he was identifying the obstacle that he faces, which is generally ourselves. generally the biggest obstacle that we face is ourselves. Hate to say that to you, but it's generally yourself. So you create this vision and I often talk about, and I have talked about how you can imagine how you'd feel if you achieved your goals in six months, or it could be in a year, or it could be in two years, how would you feel?

How will you act differently around people? How will people know that you are motivated and achieving your goals? What will they see differently in you? How will you act differently around other people? What will you stop doing? You start getting this clear vision and there's meditations that can help.

And there's. Coaches that you can hire that can help and there's books you can read and you can go on walks, but when you're inspired, write it down, get some clarity to that vision. It's gonna motivate you and help you move forward. Sometimes I do provoking things. So yesterday I was speaking to a group and I decided to provoke them a little bit.

And what I did is I said, every one of you in this room should run the marathon in our town in October and can run the marathon in the town of Wichita, Kansas in October. Every one of you can do this, every one of you. And I looked at him, I glared at him. I said, every single stink in one of you, you know?

And then I asked him, how does that make you feel to hear me say that. And some of 'em was kind of pissing 'em off, you know, it's like, well, you don't know my health problems. You don't know the issues I face, you don't know what I've gone through and I could kind of read their minds, but then I shared it as an illustration.

I said, for most of you, it's easier for you to think about of why you can't do something than why you can. It's [00:15:00] called negativity bias. It's easier for you to think about what you can't do than what you actually can. I could have said each one of you should own a business that generates a million freaking dollars a year.

Each one of you each and every stink in one of you, you know, and some people that will really trigger and I could have 'em stand up and sometimes I've done this kind of stuff and they'll stand up and they'll ask 'em well, what triggered you about me saying that? And they'll say, well, do you make a million dollars a year?

You know, or they'll say. I don't have the skills. I don't have the education. I don't have a product. I don't have an idea. And then I'll share with them illustrations about people that they probably know in our hometown that are making a million dollars a year in a business that they started up in their garage or in their basement.

But it's easier for us to feed and water our insecurities than it actually is our strengths, our potential. So what's your potential focus on that? That's what a vision is gonna get you to do. If you're found this podcast helpful, please subscribe to my E newsletter. If you're looking for information on how to improve your mental health and happiness and just some practical tips.

So you can take away. In addition to this podcast today, subscribe, you're gonna get a. A PDF it's called shatterproof yourself. It's a 27 item, mental health stress checklist with very practical things you can do right away. You're gonna get my free. It's not free actually sell theses on my website, but it's gonna be free to you.

If you subscribe. It's an ebook on 12 life balance tips and then also ebook on five days to overpowering anxiety. So excellent resources for you. So the fourth thing, if you wanna stay motivated, get accountability. Get accountability in your life. Currently, I am in the process of creating a new course in addition to tune up for life, which I've been selling for a number of years, it's gonna be called most likely shatterproof yourself tools to prevent stress, anxiety, and depression from taking over your life.

Practical tools. It's gonna go much more in depth in my podcast, and it's gonna be a systematic process. You know, it's gonna either be six to eight step process for you to go through the best kind of dig deep kind of stuff. And so personally, for me to stay motivated, I need accountability. I know I need it.

And right now I'm in the process of identifying four friends that if I don't get this done and launched by November 30th, Of this year, I'm gonna pay each of them $250. And if you're one of my friends listening to this podcast, I haven't selected these friends yet. And so you can actually come and talk to me if you want to be, you know, but you gotta be willing to really seriously hold me accountable, cuz I, I want you to kick my butt.

I mean, I'm giving you permission and it is gotta be people that know me. Well, I mean people that you know who you are. I mean, people that are listening that know me. I can't really have clients do that. Kind of be boundary crossing there, but I want that kind of accountability. Cause I don't wanna give up a thousand dollars and not get this thing done.

My well, I mean, I want accountability. And so if you write it down, that's one aspect of accountability, looking at it as one aspect of accountability, but giving people permission to hold you accountable and to remind you and to kick you in the rear and to ask you about it and hopefully do it kindly, but giving them permission is gonna make the probability of success.

I believe. And I don't have any empirical evidence on this, but just my experiential evidence is it's gonna make the probability of success. Go up 50 fold by having some accountability in your life and money does motivate me. So number five, number five, tip to staying motivated in achieving your goals is to measure it, measure it.

What you measure, you get more of what you measure. You get more of. If you don't get enough sleep every night and all you're focusing on is not getting enough sleep every night. You're probably gonna have a lot of sleepless nights. If you start measuring the nights where you're getting a lot of sleep, it's gonna help you.

It's gonna see, it's gonna remind you that you are probably potentially doing better than you actually thought. So if you measure it and you track it and you have a system, whatever it may be, let's just say, for example, I'll take. My daughter's friend, Peyton, for example, she wants to get up earlier and go to bed earlier.

So measure for the week. How many times did you actually go to bed by 10 o'clock. And how many times did you actually wake up by six? If that's your goal and don't beat yourself up. Procrastination perfectionism. They go hand in hand, there's a link to a video called the perfectionism perfectionism and procrastination trap that I put together that you don't wanna miss.

That describes that we're not talking about perfection here, but measurement has this level of accountability to it. So it's with yourself and it could be with other people, think weight Watchers, for example, they meet together and they measure, they measure quantities of food. They also measure the days that they have [00:20:00] applied.

The program and they have a point system. So if you wanted to work out five days a week, we'll measure it. And maybe you get three days, but that's one more day than you got last week. And so that's the success it's progress. It's moving in the right direction. You're either moving towards progress or you're moving towards failure.

You're either moving towards progress or you're moving in the wrong stinking direction. So measure it. And then the last one here. If you wanna stay motivated, focus on the intrinsic, not the extrinsic. So focus on internal inside use stuff that is motivating to you. So I will tell you that one of my best friends in the world.

Who had a stroke? Ben, it's been very motivating to me to see his hard work and to see him not give up and all the text messages saying I'm not gonna give up. I am trying, I'm working hard and I know how incredibly hard that must be. But that's an intrinsic motivator for me because I'm looking at the fragility of my health.

And I'm also looking at the limitations that I have and how hard it can be. If something outta my control potentially happens like a drunk driver hits me. And it motivates me to make the most of every day because I'm thinking about my fragility in the process. I had a client recently and she told me about a very rare.

Liver disease that at one point she was told she was gonna die from is not alcohol related. It was not related. It was related to a virus, very rare situation, but so severe it in. Conjunction with some other health issues. It was making life like potentially it was potentially life ending and even was told by her physician that she was going to die.

And this client just hearing that was a motivator to me thinking at any moment we can be gone. There was somebody that died driving home from the state fair. I heard about it. Just, a random, very random freak accident could happen to anybody would've happened to me. If I was on the road. I mean, it's things that are out of our control.

And if we focus on that, I talk about intrinsic value. Well, there's this intrinsic motivation that we can tap into that it's like, life is short. I gotta make the most of this it's worth facing those scary situations. It's worth facing toxic, evil, crappy situations and people. To reach your goals, it's worth it.

And you can do it. And we've seen this over and over again that, and this is like a no brainer in the field of psychology that people have the potential to face their problems. And can face their problems and when they do face their problems and their fears on the other side is growth. And there isn't a psych, a practical psychologist.

Anyone that's been a clinician that has any credibility in my mind that would not agree with that statement, that we all have the capability of making progress and moving forward in our. The most confident people in the world get their value inside. It's not external. It's intrinsic. You can find your motivation there as well.

So what insight did you getting from today? What was your biggest takeaway? I want you to go ahead and write that down. Tuck that away. That's a question. I ask everybody at the end of a coaching session and I ask everybody at the end of an event when I speak, remember. Insight is 30%. You're gaining insight today.

Action is the other 70%. You will not make life transformations. If you do not take action, that's all about moving towards those goals and everything I talked about today. Again, link to shatterproof yourself, link in the show notes to get those three free resources. You'll get some extremely valuable content from me.

And if you're interested have me out to speak at your place of work, I've been doing a lot of speaking lately, over zoom nationally. I got some things going on potentially internationally. Right now. I would love to speak to you if you're local and your team locally, my passion is to help people find clarity, overcome their biggest fears, get to the other side, live their legacy in closing, make it your mission to live the life now that you wanna be remembered for 10 years after you're gone.

You decide your legacy, you decide your future. No one else. I appreciate you greatly. And I'll see you next time.

©2020 All Rights Reserved - Decide Your Legacy