Ep53_YearEndRetreat
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[00:00:00] So welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. I was thinking the other day about this. When I was actually 16 years old, my whole family, my brother, sister, mom, dad plus a whole bunch of other families that we were really close to, they all went to Italy for three weeks and the World Cup was going on.

This was 1990. And so when the World Cup was playing in the finals the other day, I thought about that trip and I didn't go. In fact, I talked to my mom last night. I'm like, what were you thinking by not letting me go when I was 16? On this trip to Italy with my whole family leaving me with Grandma, and the reason is because I had a vision.

For wanting to stay. That was greater than the vision for actually going and having these experiences. And I do feel I'm not blaming my parents. I got good parents. I love you, mom and dad, but I wish you would've painted this picture of the vision. Created a vision, exciting things that I was gonna experience by going to Italy with the entire family and the vision that my friends put in, that we could have parties and we could go.

Oh, you know, you're gonna be able to go and do these things. Your grandma's not gonna know. That vision was stronger than this positive vision in my life. And so today what we're gonna do is talk about creating and reflecting on the year. So that we can create the vision and the goals for our future.

That's accurate. So we're gonna talk a lot about how can we reflect upon this year, 2022, that's gonna propel us forward so we can spread the vision and we can motivate people to get behind that vision moving forward. So I am, uh, Adam Gragg and I wanna welcome you to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. If you haven't already done so, please subscribe and give it a rating and review on Apple or Spotify, wherever you get your podcast content.

That helps it to grow organically. It just takes you 15 seconds at any point, anytime you can pull out your phone and do that. So, as I've done in other, other previous episodes, I wanna share some risks that I have taken. So three risks that I've taken recently, well, one is I challenged my daughter to wear a reindeer outfit.

That was really fun and to wear that to her. Youth group Christmas party. And she did, and it was funny and it was fun, but she didn't really want to do it. But I knew that if I challenged her that once she got it on, she would look at this thing and say, this really fits perfectly. This is gonna be a lot of fun.

She had a blast and then I went and I got some pictures. With her in this reindeer outfit as well. And it was probably the best costume that I saw at this Christmas party of anybody wearing. And it was this challenge. Plus it was also this, I'm gonna go be embarrassed myself by getting pictures with her.

So I said no on a car situation and decided that, you know what, it's probably gonna make more practical sense to buy a, a new car than a used car, and that will motivate me and everything. I also. Ended up apologizing to my daughter, which is a risk. I was really frustrated about a situation where she had misplaced her key to the apartment and when she misplaced the key to the apartment complex, they wouldn't give her a new key, and she's lost it at different times.

Over the last five years we've lived there and they've always just gone. I said, you know, she's gone to the. Front desk and front office and they give her a new key, but they wouldn't give her the key to the apartment to get in. And so I was really frustrated about it and I took it out on her. I said, you know, this is really frustrating.

And so she took it personally. It really was focused on the apartment management. Cause I was frustrated they wouldn't give her a key. And I understand and I understand now they needed, and it was new management, they didn't have her name on the list and whatever, but I knew they knew who she was. So I called her and I.

And said, Emerson, I'm sorry. I'm not frustrated with you. I'm actually frustrated with the apartment complex and it ended up being this really positive conversation. So for you that don't know, I'm Adam Gragg. I'm a legacy coach podcaster, a speaker mental health professional for almost 25 years. And my life purpose is helping people and organizations find transformational clarity that propels them forward to face their biggest fears, which are often emotional fears.

So they can live and leave their chosen desired legacy. I talk about topics that you can describe to your six-year-old and they're gonna understand, and I also talk about topics that I struggle with myself. I'm a fellow traveler. I have a challenge for you as a listener, to listen as a teacher, not just as a student.

Listen, as if you are going to teach [00:05:00] something you learn today to somebody else in the next 24 hours. I'm really excited about this topic because I have two friends with me, and these are both people who. Are introspective and thoughtful and have a lot of insight because of their own life experiences and their own ability and willingness to learn.

They're both teachable. I once made a video about not liking old people, and my definition of an old person has nothing to do with age. It has to do with whether or not they're willing to learn and grow and listen. And improve. So an old person has nothing to do with agent. Both of these are young. These are young guys.

So this is Bryan Steele and he actually owns the company that records my podcast, so Forge podcasting, and he's gonna give you some great insight on doing some self-reflection for. On 2022 in that process, and I'm gonna ask him some very specific questions about his 2022 that can give you some ideas as a listener of how this could be beneficial to you.

And this is Gavin Badillo, and he is actually an employee of Decide Your Legacy. He's my legacy assistant, so he helps me with coaching. He helps me with all the things that keep the organization running, speaking gigs. All these administrative tasks, the website, everything except the podcast basically, which Bryan takes care of.

I mean, pretty much Gavin does. So anyway, you're getting to see the inner workings of decide your legacy. Why is it important that you take the time to step back and self-reflect? Well, for one is you're not gonna know really what to remove. And what to keep doing and what to move forward with and what to eliminate unless you take the time to slow down and do some self-reflection.

Ideally, what I would do is I'd have two full days, like a whole weekend where I'd go sit in the mountains. Look out over the snow and I'm gonna have some time to actually do that over Christmas to really do some self-reflection. So it's gonna be, and to reflect on the year as well. So this really is gonna be significant for me cuz I'll come back refreshed and that's one of the benefits is you're gonna set the right goals.

You're gonna be refreshed. You're gonna know what to eliminate. No, it's go back to that coffee filter, it's gonna take out the grinds. It's gonna leave you with the good stuff. It's gonna help you to start the year off the right way, cuz we can set the wrong goals. I mean, we can set goals that are leading us in the wrong direction because we haven't eliminated those things that we no longer want to focus on or should focus on, or are gonna have the biggest.

They're not the pain points. It's not meeting and filling the gap that the customer has, that the marketplace has. It's not living out our life purpose. And then we don't have the time to eliminate it because we're not slowing down to self-reflect. So what I'm gonna do is, as we go, you can think about how this can benefit you personally and an abbreviated version of a mini retreat, which is what we're talking about here, a retreat or a mini retreat, a way to step back and reflect is, you know, take three or four hours, sit in a coffee shop or in your friend's business, in their conference room, or in your friend's basement, somewhere isolated. I like coffee, I like to see other people. It gets me thinking. Go with some books, maybe some inspirational literature. Read a chapter. Do something that's gonna be inspiring for you.

I mean, if I'm gonna go on a full reflection retreat, I'm gonna bring a whole bunch of books. I'm gonna bring a bunch of coffee and things that I can do to relax. I'm gonna bring my running shoes, my walking shoes, pictures. A journal. Those are things you can do in a three to four hour mini retreat. So my first question to Bryan and to Gavin is, what do you believe are the benefits of doing some self-reflection on your year?

I honestly think, you know, sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day that it's really easy to lose sight of what's going on. Um, over the course of time, we have a, a really bad habit of, uh, Underestimating what we can accomplish.

Like we think we can get a lot done in a day more than we really can, but we underestimate what we can accomplish in a year. And I think if we look back over the previous year and think about some of those things, get some clarity around those things, it gives us some optimism, some, some vision, and kind of takes you away and gets you out of those ruts of that day-to-day grind and allows you to get a little bit better perspective before you then turn around and, and set your goals for the next.

Hey Gavin.

I think for me the main thing about self-reflection is just how much it can change your quality of life. I know a lot of my friends, kinda like what you were saying earlier, they get into a very standard routine or rut or cycle of just same, same, same year after year after year.

They kind of lose sight of what's possible, what's enjoyable, what should I be doing. That brings me satisfaction. I don't think you can even begin to think about what brings you self, [00:10:00] uh, what brings you satisfaction if you're not willing to reflect on what's happening in my life, what's impacted me both positively and negatively in really just considering what can I do in this next upcoming year or month or day that can change that.

Mm-hmm.

So what would you say then? I'm just curious to know what was one surprise? That something that you were surprised you achieved over the last year that you didn't really think you could do in a year?

Honestly, the thing that, uh, surprised me and my wife was, uh, we paid off our house this year. So, you know, we had been, we'd been working hard towards that goal. Um, and we didn't actually expect that it was maybe gonna happen this year. It was, it was kind of ambitious, what we're pushing for.

Um, but we got there and so we get to say that we're going into 2023 debt free. And so that's something. , um, we're really excited about and really optimistic about.

And so what was the goal that you had set that helped you to get to that big picture goal?

Did you set, we're gonna pay a certain amount of month extra, we're gonna pay, throw f something extra funds into the house, or,

it was really something that we thought we were gonna achieve in 2023.

Um, and it was really based around extra work that I was doing. Um, my wife makes headbands and sells them on Etsy, and so we were like, you know, extra money whenever it comes in, you know, bonus money from work, whatever it is that we're not counting on to meet. Day-to-day budget, our daily budget, um, was gonna go to the house.

And that was really a focus. It was like we knew if we could get there that was gonna give us, um, some financial flexibility and freedom. Yeah. So,

yeah, that's cool cuz you have certain metrics that is in a business, for example, for me, a lot of times I measure traffic to my website and I can measure sales specifically, and I can measure inquiries for new clients or inquiries for speaking. Content, and those are things that I would only get that data as I recorded throughout the year, but that at the very end of the year, I can see and compare it to previous years, or I can actually put it together so I can see these successes that I wouldn't actually even see.

So for Bryan, Bryan, for example, I mean, yeah, again, paying off a mortgage, he's gonna know, but let's say he hadn't paid off his mortgage. Well, he may have to look and see, well, how much have we paid this year? And so at the end of 2021, it might. Hey, how much have we paid down this year? And that could have been inspirational for him.

So what's a surprise that you achievement for you, Gavin, that you wouldn't know unless you took some time to step back?

I think for me, one of the biggest surprises of 2022 was when I completely changed career.

Uh,

I, before I'd even considered doing that, I'd actually been talking to myself about what did I want outta life? What was like giving me satisfaction in the job I already had? Did I want to consider changing it? What was it like?

Was there actually gonna be a transition period? That's gonna be really difficult for that? Lots of questions like that, but. I found once I actually just committed to the action and stopped thinking about it, it really was much better than I was expecting even in the first place. And I still think even now, I'm still getting new opportunities and new, uh, unexpected benefits out of that change and risk I kind of took with it.

Yeah.

Very cool. And so that's what. I'm gonna give you some questions that I'd ask yourself. Doing a mini retreat that will help you define the clarity, and you're gonna wanna write these down or type them out so you remember.

So one is gonna be what are the biggest wins and what have been the biggest successes of the year? And whatever you wanna write down, you write down. So I know Bryan shared a big win, but professionally as well as personally, it could be a health. You could be doing this just for your business, just for your professional life, or you could be doing this for your entire.

So what are the biggest wins and then what were the setbacks, the failures, or things that you would change or do differently? So I'm just curious, you know, what are some things that you learned over the last year as you step back that you'd probably do differently?

I think one for me is definitely not taking so much time to plan out what action I'm gonna take.

I kind of get sometimes lost in the research analysis paralysis kind of slang way to say it. But, uh, I really am trying to commit to just going for the action without being too nervous about the potential consequences. Cause I'm typically fairly flexible in how those roll out.

So you learned to that, just to go with your gut and to do it.

Yeah. And just

make the action.

Just go for it.

it. Action. Hey, Adams rule. What?

Yeah. 30, 70. Yeah,

30 70, 30% insight, reflection. So you're only gonna do, I mean, you can't do a retreat for the entire year. I mean, that's, that's just reflection. Okay. You're gonna have to apply. That's 70% of change is actually applying the insight you gain from a mini retreat into your life and taking some kind of action.

So what's a setback or a mistake or something you learned, Bryan?

I think it was really recognizing the importance of [00:15:00] managing my own emotions.

Well, like I think it's, you know, I've got fairly young kids and I think that, uh, being a dad, Um, has, has been a challenging thing. Um, it's very rewarding. I love it. But, uh, I think I could do a lot better at just making sure I don't do things to escalate. And so I've been, you know, starting to do more reading lately and just trying to really think through the processes that I'm gonna have, um, to really be more effective as, as a parent.

But that's something that honestly I wish I'd done better in this past year in.

And what's something professionally you'd say that was a success and that was, uh, area of growth.

I think the, the biggest success was I was successful at, at bringing on a couple more podcasts this year for my business. So like reaching out to people, finding opportunities.

And so that's exciting because that shows me the prospects for the future. But the one thing that I feel like I don't do well, and I know that I don't do well, is I don't regularly engage a client acquisition process. Okay? Like I don't go out generate leads, find leads. On a regular basis, it's very hit and miss.

There's not a strategy there. Um, on that side, like I'm operationally organized and I've got good strategy around how to execute a podcast, but you know, going out and finding the people who need my help is something that I really need to work on.

So here, here's some other really good questions to ask yourself. So when you look at your life, what energized you and then what drained you and to journal in a retreat setting about those things. So what are some of the things that you know that, hey, I probably want to engage more in these energizers and I want to eliminate some of these drainers in my.

I think for me, a huge energizer is interacting with other people. When I'm trying to do project work, I've noticed, particularly with some recent projects I have at this other side work, I do.

Just having another person to just bounce ideas off alone can dramatically improve both the pace of which I'm executing projects and just generally like wanting to do the work.

Okay. Yeah. So then what would be a drainer that professionally you'd want to eliminate or delegate?

Well, an easy answer would say the opposite of what I just said, but a, a different draining thing I noticed actually was, uh, getting a little bit bogged down in the gossiping. That happens professionally.

Okay. I noticed, especially at one of the clients I work with, uh, there's a lot of miscommunication between people that leads to hearsay and, you know, lots of stuff. And because I'm a people person and I like engaging with other people, I can sometimes get a little bit caught in it. Not necessarily spreading it, but just like.

Everybody starts coming to me to learn about the latest gossip kind of thing, and that's not really productive. That's not really helping anybody. Mm-hmm. and I'm trying to not only curtail the gossip, but really kind of redirect people's attention to see that is so good a solution or something. Yeah. You know, you can do is have

like a one page sheet of learning insights that you get from this mini retreat that you can take with you as you set goals for the year.

It's that concise. It's in a page. I'm learning, I'm taking this away. So for Bryan, for you, what are professionally like an energizer and a drainer that maybe you could identify from 2022?

So something that really energized me was meeting with other entrepreneurs, like I think that, you know, seeing other businesses, so talking with you, Adam, talking with a friend of ours, Vince, who's an oil painter and has been doing that full-time for, oh, probably 10 years now, I don't know how long.

But, but talking with him, uh, talking with other business owners and kind of through networking events and just getting to know them, understanding their businesses. Are things that really energize me, cuz it gets me thinking about, oh, what can I do in my business? It just kind of adds a little more energy to things.

So that is definitely one of the things that, that's really energized me. Uh, things that are draining to me. I think honestly it's whenever I s I get a challenge or that I have to like, Deal with tech support in some way, some sort of unforeseen technical challenge that pops up that I'm not seeing coming.

I've gotta deal with Apple support or something along those lines. And it's, I just know that it's gonna be weeks before it gets resolved. Like it just, it, uh, is a complete demotivator and makes me just not want to engage. So that's, those are, those would be two.

And those are such valuable things that you can ask yourself right there. And so a question, a little bit of a different take on this is how do you get your mind into a place where you can get out of the anxiety and the chatter and I gotta do this and that, and you know, to where you can step back and say it's okay to reflect.

And chill and eliminate distractions. And do, I mean, for me, I know exercise helps me a lot. I know journaling helps me a lot. But I mean, for you personally, how do you step back so you can do this self-reflection [00:20:00] process?

It's really, for me, one of two ways. One way is I just talk with a very trusted person, cuz usually if I have another person I could talk to where I feel comfortable really digging into some ideas I have.

So bring someone on the retreat with you?

Yeah, I, I would, that would be me. Uh, the secondary way, the second

I'm the same way actually.

actually be, yeah. Seriously. I mean, I mean, I did do a literal retreat in Ecuador specifically for that with 25 strangers that I had never met before in my whole life.

So, hey,

that's another podcast episode. Good one.

Uh, I would say though, the other thing is if I can't do something like that, cuz people are busy, is I like to uh, just immerse myself in some music and go into an area that has noise but like controlled noise, if that makes sense. Yeah. Just cuz then listening, especially the instrumental songs, kind of helps my brain work properly.

So that's, that's my other way

to get into that state.

Absolutely.

Ben, I mean,

outside of like drinking whiskey, what do you do to

I'm

just kidding. Uh, I think he's

probably never had whiskey in his

life. No, right. I think probably the biggest, I have I had whiskey. You don't have to. Yeah, it's good. It's not bad. Okay. So any case,

I don't

that my, my brother actually bartends so I get all, so he likes

or you like good whiskey or

Good whiskey. Good

You get the family discount though? You get the family discount?

Well, not, he doesn't bartend in town, so,

right. Okay.

now I know what I'm getting you for christmas.

awesome. All. Uh, so for me, I think probably just changing my environment. I think there's a lot of, we talk about neural pathways a lot, habits and things that you get into.

So I think changing the environment. Uh, whether that's going for a walk or just going to a coffee shop or something where you're gonna process these things, just get yourself in a different space is probably a big thing for me. So, a

couple other journal questions or things that I would encourage you to do with self-reflecting is like, what is an unmet need in my community? Or how can my life purpose meet that unmet need? So I love people to have a life purpose.

And if you've never done that before, I'd really encourage you to listen to my podcast on creating a life purpose statement and to purchase my course, tune Up for Life, which will help you to create a life purpose statement. So you have, what is, how can I utilize that life purpose that is unique to me to impact that unmet need in the world, the pain in the world in some way.

So what thoughts do you guys have on that utilizing your life purpose to meet that need? And how can you do that in 2023 based on what you've experienced in 2022?

Honestly, I, one thing I do is I notice there's a lot of people that complain about problems. I'm sure many people listening can relate. And one thing I like to do personally is help do goal development planning for 'em. So I actually have done this this year where I have like a coffee with my friends and we go out for lunch or X, Y, Z.

We just talk about something they wanna do that they don't think is possible. Cuz something that's super inspirational for me is when I can convince somebody that they could do something they didn't think they could. Yeah.

Believing in themselves. Yeah. So then you see a need for that out there.

Oh yeah.

Especially at least my age demographic. People do not think they can do things for some reason.

you leak, write this stuff down. Or else it's gonna go away. I mean, I'm telling you, you gotta write it down in a form that you're gonna look at consistently while you do this mini retreat.

So what Bryan, for you is a way that you can use your life purpose to meet an unmet need, a pain point in the community.

So I think a lot of people have really great ideas or value that they can provide the community, but they don't have the mechanism and the skills to be able to share that widely. So, you know, just being somebody who's been in audio for getting close to a decade now. It's been a while, but somebody who's been in audio for a long time, I know I've got the skills and the background and experience to help people go from, Hey, I, I have this knowledge, I have this expertise. I want to share it. Either, you know, just personally or professionally, and help them craft something that they can then share more widely.

Very good. So the last two things that I would encourage you to do on a mini retreat is to figure out what you're gonna stop and start in your life.

And it's based on energizers, drainers, what you've done. That's good, that's bad. You've done the self, you've looked at the metrics, you've done the reflection. You've gotten some kind of picture of what was, what happened in 2022. So it's gonna propel you forward for 2023. So what are you gonna stop doing and what are you gonna start doing?

And it could be, for example, I'm gonna stop getting up at six. I'm gonna get up at five, you know, or I'm gonna stop going to bed at 11, get up and go to bed at 10. Or I'm gonna start working out four days a week in the evening rather than five days. Or I'm gonna start doing two yoga classes rather than one.

But you're brainstorming. It's not something so rigid that can't be adjusted. You're just getting it down in this retreat reflection process, and then it's gonna. And then it's gonna come in and it's gonna become something that is gonna be usable and actionable. And so what am I gonna stop? What am I gonna start?

And then what ACEC? And so that's basically gonna be the actions that [00:25:00] you're gonna take. So for you guys, what is something you're gonna professionally start and what is something professionally you're gonna stop?

So I think something that I really am going to be starting is developing a marketing plan. Like actually a way that I'm going to regularly go seek out potential clients, uh, and, and find them.

So whether that's content marketing or you know, just ads or lead magnets, whatever that is, you know, just actively engaging that, getting that process. In place and, and start doing that. Uh, the other, the thing I'm going to stop doing is worrying about what's gonna happen next. I think I get, um, paralyzed from, you know, just fear what can happen, uh, and, and just kind of want to retreat into something that's more safe and predictable.

So I think just, uh, stop worrying. Stop worrying is uh, okay. is something I would do.

So Gavin, what's something you're gonna start doing?

It's something you're gonna stop doing professionally.

I think something I wanna start doing in 2023. Um, not for this job. The other one for context. Is, uh, doing more self-advocacy. And I say that because Adam clearly lets me do what I want here and anything I desire.

But at my other client, it's uh, it's a little bit more restrictive. At least I feel like I don't have as much of what I can talk about. So I really wanna push harder cuz I've noticed when I have done it, I have almost no consequences for doing it. Um, the second thing that I think I wanna stop doing. I wanna stop getting bogged down in these tasks that people are asking me to do that really aren't worth my time.

So saying no.

Yeah, really. Yeah, really saying no. Or more importantly actually for this particularly, is giving them guides for how to do it so they can reference a guide without asking me. Very good. Yeah.

And so just for some context is Gavin is a part-time employee, employee for Decide Your Legacy, and he's in the process of training to become a legacy coach.

So right now he's, he's a legacy assistant. He's gonna be doing coaching and helping me with coaching. So I want to give these guys a chance. So how can they reach you at decide your legacy and how can they reach you at Forge podcasting? To connect with you and your website and all that.

So the best way is to just visit Forgepodcast.co and that is my website where I have some background, some statistics on creating and, and running and executing a podcast as well as.

Contact form on there so you can just reach out to me directly if you're interested. I'm always happy to meet for coffee or lunch or something, just talk podcasting.

something. I think for me, honestly, the best way is by phone, but I don't know who all out there is listening. So send me an email at Gavin the side your legacy.com, and then if I feel like you're a real person and not a robot, I'll send you my phone number.

All right. All right. So yeah, Del, definitely worth your time reaching out, and these are some great professional contacts for you. If you found this podcast helpful, I would encourage you to hit the link to shatterproof yourself, and it's gonna give you some basic, Life transformative tips on improving your mental health, one of which is having a mini retreat if you can, to step back and self-reflect.

So don't miss the opportunity to subscribe to get that. It's a P D F workbook and I'm in the process of actually creating a video and a course called Shatterproof Yourself, and it's all about improving your mental health. Resiliency, stress, all the stuff that I teach my clients when they come in so they can handle life and cope better and live their legacy and leave their legacy.

You don't wanna miss that. I also want you to think about something from today that you're gonna take away. What is it that was shared from Bryan or Gavin that you know you wanna apply to your life? It could be a very basic thing, a nugget that you're gonna actually apply and take some action in the next 24 hours on whatever it is that you have learned.

So, remember, Transformation is 30% insight and 70% action. Action is more important. What actions are you going to take based on what you have learned today? And so one final thing to think about, if you want to take action and be motivated from this little mini reflective retreat, think about how you are gonna impact other people's lives.

That Is gonna motivate you more than anything, how you're gonna change and impact other people's lives through your action. It'll help you face your fears, it'll help you put this plan into action. It'll help you take this insight and actually put it into something you're gonna do in the next 24 hours. Make it your mission to live the life now.

You want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone live your legacy. Now you decide your legacy, no one else. I appreciate you greatly and I'll see you next time.[00:30:00]