Ep64_PerseveringTowardGoals
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] So I got a text from my daughter, Emerson today at 3 0 7, and it said I got cut from the show again. I was in a session with a client my last session of the week. In fact, I have a week off. We're gonna go out of town for spring break, go to Florida on a cruise, and I'm. I was just like, the wind was sucked outta me.

It was beginning of the session. I was having trouble focusing cuz I heard that. Cuz I know how hard and how badly she wanted to make this play. It's little women and she's gone to voice lessons. She got cut from the last show and I know how hard she's been working and focusing on this and so I just had to really prepare myself to go and talk to her today and get home from work.

And we met, it was about 4 45. It's five 30 right now. 5:30 PM. And I talked to her and you know, I just gave her a hug and she gave me a hug and it was just a really good and positive interaction. And we talked for a while and I just listened to her. Just listened. That was all. I just, you know, I asked some, a few questions, but I just listened.

Told her I loved her and I'm proud of her. I know she's [00:01:00] worked really hard and she just said to me, you know, that she, she knows she worked really hard and she feels like, gosh, she doesn't understand, and that kind of thing. And then she said something that really inspired me. She said, you. This is gonna motivate me.

You know, I'm gonna use this. This is gonna motivate me. And so I was really, really proud of her because when we have a goal on our mind, and she's really wanted this, and I do believe she has talent, I do believe she's gonna get parts and she's gonna succeed in this area, but she really wants it. And so how do we persevere towards our goals, even when we have these setbacks. This is the second setback. The last one was before Christmas break, so it's kind of like, ugh. You know? Right before I was so excited, like to think we're gonna be on her cruise, she's gonna have this part and think about it. And so I'm kind of demotivated too, but I'm also inspired because I've seen.

Think back on situations in my life where I've had these setbacks and I want to give up, but I've persevered and the result has been something great because I really, really like where I am now in my life, and I really, really like where my daughter is in many ways as well because [00:02:00] of these setbacks that she's had.

So today we're gonna talk about things that will help you to persevere towards your goals, whatever it might be. Maybe you want to be in music or you want to be like Emerson, or you want to be in performing arts in some way, or you want to have a business or you want to. Taking your business to the next level, or you want to achieve some kind of promotion at work, or you want to some financial goal or some family goal.

So we're gonna talk about that today and we're gonna dig deep and you're gonna see how you can overcome these setbacks to persevere towards your goals. So this is the Decide Your Legacy podcast. It's the podcast that you do not just listen to. If you've found this podcast helpful in the past, you find the one helpful today.

Subscribe so you'll never miss another episode and pull out your phone right now even. In fact, take 10, 15 seconds, give it a rating and review on Apple or Spotify, wherever you get your podcast content. It helps it to grow and reach more people organically. As I do in every episode, I like to share a couple risks that I've taken recently that may not seem like risk to you, but they are to me.

And a risk [00:03:00] is something where you could get rejected, you're being vulnerable, you could get a response that you don't like. It could be perceived wrongly. You know your motive is good, but they could perceive it wrongly. And I talk about risks because I wanna challenge you to take some kind of risks, cuz nothing is more damaging to your mental health than just playing it safe.

Playing it safe. Safety is your enemy and nothing is gonna help your mental health more than actually getting out there and expanding and doing things that are challenging your perspective and giving you a new perspective. So what I did is, one, as I was honest with a friend, I was honest at a level that I hadn't been honest before about some codependency patterns that I've noticed.

And just being a good friend, I felt like I want to just talk to him about it, and I came from a good place, a place of love. I don't know if it was totally perceived that way, but I believe it will be eventually. And I ended up being a high kind of tense conversation, but I did it and I felt really like it was the right thing to do, and I've been given away these $1 coins as well.

To people that I work with, to people that I know. it's kind been fun. I'm telling 'em it's a lucky coin and it's a $1 US coin that you can get at the bank in [00:04:00] $25 little rolls. And it's kind of been fun. And some people look at me like, oh, that's weird. Why are you giving me this lucky coin? But, oh, well, you know, I'm doing it because I care.

Or it's just an act of kind of reaching out to somebody. So I'm Adam Gragg. I'm a legacy coach, a speaker, podcaster, and a mental health professional for almost 25 years. I started in 1998 and I started decide your legacy with the purpose in mind. It's my life purpose and it's helping other people and organizations find transformational clarity that propels them to face their biggest fears, generally emotional fears, so they can live and leave their desired legacy.

I talk about things that you can describe. You're a six-year-old and they're gonna understand, and I also talk. Things that I struggle with myself. I'm a fellow traveler. I haven't figured all this stuff out. I also challenge you as a listener, to listen as a teacher, not just as a student. And I want you to teach something that you learn today to somebody in the next 24 hours.

One of the concepts that you learn today. [00:05:00] So do you struggle with wasting time? I talked to a client today and he said he had this specific goal in mind and he really wanted to achieve it. He had actually had this passion and it's to actually be doing some comedy type shows for kids and for adults, but for businesses.

And he's talented. He's very talented. And I asked him, well, he, he said, but I go, and then I know I can work on it cuz he has a full-time job. I know I can work on preparing for this. Yet it's more tempting to watch TV and it's more tempting to procrastinate. In fact, sometimes it's more tempting to crack.

Crack open a beer. And then I thought, well, you know, I asked him how would that beer taste if it was a celebration. For getting a project done and he said it would tastes a lot better than it does now cuz now he goes and goes to bed at night and he thinks, well, I could have done this, I could have done that.

Moving him towards his goals, which he's very passionate about, and I asked him too, do you really want to achieve this goal? And his answer to that was, [00:06:00] well, he really couldn't answer that. And I said, well, do you want to want to achieve this goal? And he said, yes.

That's what I, I, I want to want to achieve this goal. I want to want to start having these performances and have this set up where he can do this into multiple settings, this routine. And it's gonna be very educational, but it's. Exhibit his talents and he is gonna get it out to the world to help more people.

And I asked him why he would enjoy that too. And he said, well, because it's gonna make, it makes me happy. And then I said, well, what else? What's your purpose behind it? What's your purpose? And then we got down to, his purpose really was to make other people happy. And in turn it makes him happy. And I could see him just get.

Energized by this. I could see him, but he's identifying the obstacles. And then we talked about taking little steps. How can you break it down and take little steps to get towards that goal? And he was just lightening them up, which was great. And so I want you to start with an action today. What, and I'm, what is something, you can write this down.

You can pull over to the side of the road, you can stop the podcast you can speak it into your phone. I don't want you to get in a car accident, but what is [00:07:00] the most important project for you to complete today? What's that passion in your life that you know you want to go ahead and get done and move towards?

And I want you to identify that it could be personal or professional. It could be connecting with one of your kids or rekindling your relationship, repairing your relationship, starting that business, starting that project, recording that podcast, launching that video, doing something. What is that one thing?

And then what's the biggest obstacle for you to actually get that specific thing done? I want you to write that down. It could be alcohol, it could be procrastination. It could be my mindset, it could be my relationships. They're toxic. It could be that I don't believe in myself. I don't believe I have talent or skill.

It could be that I don't believe I can speak and I can't really make a video because I say too much and I don't believe I can actually change that. Whatever it might be. I want you to write that down and identify it and as we go through this, this episode here, you're gonna figure out how you can actually perseve through that fear and that obstacle or whatever it may be to that end goal. So what are you gonna do to get to that end goal? So, [00:08:00] and I do want to mention too, there's a lot of preventative things here. So if you wanna deal with good and have good mental health, there's a lot of prevention stuff that I'm not gonna address today that I wanna just remind you of because we're always gonna do.

Function better mentally when we get enough sleep, when we have consistent exercise, when we get enough water, when we eat healthy, when we have enough positive things in our lives outside of work, hobbies, interests, things. When we have healthy relationships, when we have a healthy mindset and we have to continually, we can continually work on those things.

We don't have to. It's not a must kind of thing. I don't wanna violate my own rules. Language and back you into a corner. It's something you can do and can make a priority. And those are lifestyle things. They're not like a destination, they're a lifestyle, and they're gonna prevent you from procrastinating.

In situations where you might wanna procrastinate, they're gonna prevent you from actually doubting yourself in situations where you doubt yourself because you have good, a good mindset, you're refreshed, you got enough sleep, you're waking up like, I can do this. I can handle things today. So we're gonna talk about [00:09:00] this and let's just go ahead and go ahead and do the very first thing I want you to think about as you persevere towards your goals is identify the distractions. What are those things in your life that are gonna pull you away? And they could be a specific mindset like, I can't do this, or I've fail in the past. It could be certain things that you get on your phone and you start watching TV or you get sucked into some kind of social media, or you read the news or you watch sports, but they're, they're obstacles to achieving your goal.

And if you can identify those and write that down and know that they're gonna come. And then know how you're gonna overcome that specific obstacle. It's gonna put you a step ahead. It's that noticing and awareness kind of thing. Cuz many people, I would suggest 90% of people aren't aware of what those actual obstacles are.

They just have this thing that they want to achieve, yet they're not actually aware that all these, all this crap is getting in my way. You know, maybe one of the obstacles is that you aren't getting enough sleep. Maybe one of the obstacles is that you consistently interact with people who are not focused and who are distracted and who are pulling you [00:10:00] away.

usually if you step back and do the self-reflection and have self-awareness, which I think is one of the most valuable skills, and it's one of the things I wanna hire for and and look for in people and friends, is that self-awareness to know that this thing is holding me back and I can do something about it.

But like I said in the last episode, On how to get outta your head. You know the first step of getting outta your head, outta that worry and anxiety is to just notice that you're there and to name it and to say, Hey, there's that distraction again. There's that voice in my head, my psyche telling me I can't do it, or I'm gonna fail, or people are gonna reject you.

Or you need to go ahead and you deserve to go ahead and crack open that beer at the end of the day. Or you deserve to go ahead and watch Netflix for two hours cuz you've worked so hard and that voice is your. Not your friend, but you recognize it. You speak softly to it, you speak kindly to it, you notice it's there, and then you move, make and move forward.

I know for me, a lot of times when I have a big project, it's amazing that I will have something in my mind. So right [00:11:00] now I'm working on new course, your Legacy Journey, and I'm also working on a mini course. That I'm giving out to everybody free. It's called Shatterproof Yourself. Seven Steps to Building Your Legacy.

And I'm super excited about both of these. I really am super excited. I want to get these done and sometimes I just want to want to get these done, but I will notice sometimes I come home cuz I work a full day a lot of times with clients and things, and I think, okay, now I got an hour I can do this and I can focus on this project.

And I can do it during the day as well. But then I'll decide to do all kinds of other things that are really, really productive, honestly. But they're not moving me towards that goal. So I'll, I'll clean the house, I'll clean my apartment, you know, I'll actually do things I've been putting off, like, you know, organizing my taxes, calling up some friends and family that I haven't talked to in a while, which, those are all really good things, but I know I could put one hour towards this end objective, this goal, and I'm, you know, doing dishes instead, it's like, what? You know, so maybe I [00:12:00] should always have a goal in mind that's gonna help me to do these other things that I would normally procrastinate on, but I'm doing them because they're a little less painful than actually working towards that goal.

It's kind of amazing things. So it's reverse psychology kind of stuff, but what are those numbing behaviors? Cuz oftentimes it is, is it alcohol? Is it, is it nicotine? You know, is it worry? Am I just getting stuck in worry and deciding I'm gonna worry instead of actually going ahead? Going ahead and persevering and working towards this project?

Or is it that I'm gonna get consumed in some kind of addiction, like I'll be consumed with food and what I'm eating in my diet and become. O c d about things and have ev have to have everything in order before I can relax and actually work on this project. They're all your distractions and once you notice them and are aware of them, they're gonna lose.

They're gonna lose 90% of their power. You still gotta take action, but they're gonna lose 90% of their power because now they've been exposed. They've been exposed. Oh my gosh. So the second thing I want you to do when you wanna persevere towards your goals is to visualize. [00:13:00] Is to actually do some things to, to help you visualize actually getting there towards that goal.

So for everybody here, you can, and this is a downloadable PDF worksheet that you can engage in and it's called definition of success. , it's what's your definition of success? So success is different for everybody, but I want you to think about all different kinds of areas of your life. You know, your health, your relationships, your social life, and what's your definition of success, you know, from your heart, from your gut.

And then what's society's definition of success? And society's definition of success generally has a lot of materialistic, external type junk mixed into it. But if you can visualize, you know, if I get to that goal, how am I gonna act? First of all, you identify and write it down. What is that vision for my business?

What is that vision for my health? What is that vision? And you don't make it complicated, but you create this vision statement, or you even create a vision board that represents those things that you look at, but you're. [00:14:00] You're trying to put ener, you are putting energy into visualizing, visualizing what it's gonna be like when you actually reach that point of success.

So for my daughter, for example, having her visualize, which I believe she does, when she gets those parts, when she has a chance to be on stage when she is getting. That feeling of satisfaction, that she's memorized her lines and she's done her role, and she can still visualize that even though she's not actually there right now.

And so we visualize how are we gonna feel? How are we gonna carry ourselves around other people when we get there? How are we gonna wake up in the morning? How are we gonna go to bed? Probably excited for the next day? How are we gonna interact socially? What risks are we gonna take? and you start to meditate, you start to focus on that, you find images to get you there.

And knowing that you're gonna feel great at the end of this whole difficult path is [00:15:00] something that will keep you going and moving forward because you know it's moving you towards your purpose in life. So that's the second thing. And these are not in any kind of order, but the third is to change your view.

So one thing that's happened to me in my life, I have learned over time, and I've seen this again and again, and I really found out when I was in high school because I was a little skinny kid and I hadn't played football before, and I remember that. So I played soccer up until eighth grade, and I was a good soccer player.

I was better in soccer than I was at football, honestly. And I was skinny and I wanted to play football just because, okay, get out there and play. I mean, this was kind of the cool thing to do. And so I gave it my all and then, My freshman year, I didn't play at all. I mean, I was, I was not good. I mean, and I was skinny and small.

I grew between my junior and senior year. It was kind of strange cause I'm six three right now, and I got to be 6 3 225 pounds. I remember between my junior and senior year, I worked out [00:16:00] and practiced in my junior year.

I got to play a tiny bit. I was a kicker. I remember working out consistently and putting tons of energy into this, and I got better and I got more comfortable and I learned how to take on. Blocks and I was played outside linebacker, but I got better. I didn't get great. I mean I was voted the most improved player on the team and I got recruited cause I was improving and I still regret not playing in college, not taking that risk, which I'm encouraging you to do, which one of those things that motivates me.

But I had a lot of doubters and I wanted to prove the doubters wrong. People that didn't think I could actually get there or have a starting position or believe I could gain the weight. or actually succeed once I actually got there. And I didn't enjoy football as much as basketball and soccer, but I got better and better at it.

And so the mindset shift in me was that I'm gonna turn the doubters into believers, not for pride and ego, but just to see it as motivation. Because I believe in myself, and that's really what my daughter gave [00:17:00] me today, is a great deal of encouragement because I sense that she still believes in herself even though other people didn't believe in.

Because that's the reality of it. She got cut. Not that, you know, there's a, a certain number of spots, I get it. But a lot of times when people hire, for example, you can see potential that others don't see in them. That's why the NBA first round draft is such a bomb, oftentimes because other people, other really great coaches and great recruiters, can see.

Talent in players because of work ethic and because of attitude that other B teams don't. I'd love to go back and see like who's made it in the N F NFL draft and who has it and who's made it in the NBA draft and who hasn't. And a lot of that is because you pick up on things from attitude and you realize that certain types of people have a mindset where they're gonna be confident and persevere.

And so I look at these situations and say, it's gonna make Emerson strong. She's gonna learn to [00:18:00] persevere because she still believes in herself, even though there's some doubters out there, and I'm not kind of harping on those doubters, but I will challenge you as you hire if you're a business owner, as you make decisions to grow your team, that you can see diamonds in the rough if you're willing to.

And it's not all these six sonal kind of stuff. It's hot. It's attitude kind of stuff, and it's things that you can, you can notice that are potential in somebody that other people don't notice. And then you'll find these employees and these friends sometimes, and these situations sometimes that don't look promising yet they are because you're willing to go ahead and step back and have a clear, healthy perspective, not only of yourself, but of your.

So you change your view, you work on your perspective. And I, gosh, it's crystal clear for me cuz I had 70 plus job interviews in 2009 and it was 2008, 2009. And it was in the great recession. And I remember just feeling like such a failure. And then eventually all these nos turned me into a sit into a person who said, , [00:19:00] I am valuable regardless of these nos, cuz I believe in myself.

Cause I knew how much I had to offer. I knew I could do some things that were special and I still believe that. But that situation has propelled me at this point today where things are really good for me. As far as confidence. I mean, my belief in my ability to coach and help and speak and train and really get people to the next level is as.

Ever been, but I wouldn't have that if I hadn't had those situations. That forced me to look internal for my confidence inside, for my confidence, not externally, and to use those doubters as motivation. And I'm not gonna lie that it's sometimes when I see the doubters out there and kind of what they're doing and the people that said no to me, and I look at my life and I say, gosh, you know, I bet they'd love to have me as an employee Now you.

Or I bet they look at my life now and say, oh my gosh, you know, and I kind of, I won't, I'm not gonna lie and say I don't get some level of satisfaction from that. That's not healthy. I'm not saying it's healthy. [00:20:00] I'm just being real with y'all here. That I do at times look and say, gosh, you know, I've gotten to a point in my career and I feel in my life there's a level of success and I like my life.

And I look at other situations and say, gosh, you know, I'm just so glad I didn't get that job. I'm so glad I don't work with those people. I'm so glad I don't have to relate to that sit and be in that situation. And that's not to bash on it, but it's just saying that the confidence, it's taught me to have confidence that's very different than what I would have had if everything had just gone my way.

because I've had to get stronger and get thicker skin. Honestly, I mean, I don't think I'd be doing this podcast if I didn't have thicker skin because as it's grown, I mean, you get feedback that's not always positive, but the positive feedback outweighs the negative at such a high extent that it's like, okay, they're having a bad day.

You know, , okay, who cares? You know, cuz just, if I look at it as a, it's just really such a small percentage that's negative. But when those negative. Things come in. I [00:21:00] mean, they're pretty harsh sometimes. Oh, well, you know, I can shake it off so much better now, but I wouldn't be able to do that had I not had these challenging situations in my life.

That I've had to persevere through. And so, and then the final step, and this one is one that I would say is less important than those first three, identifying distractions, visualizing getting there and actually changing your mindset, changing your view. Using it as motivation is to make a plan. And this is kind of hard, but it's easier when you have the right mindset and when you're taking care of yourself and when you're visualizing getting there because you can see the steps much clearer.

You're, you're beginning with the end in mind. You're beginning with the end in mind, then the steps become clearer. So what are those steps that you can break down? So you have chunks. So for example, I want to get this course done, so I'm breaking it into sections, I'm breaking it into projects, I'm breaking it into situation, meaning into an outline, into different chunks for me, and it's very clear.

And then I know when I'm getting something crossed off the list because that's extremely motivating to me to know I got one [00:22:00] aspect of this project completed that's moving me towards finishing this project. And to me, it's all about my purpose and helping other people find clarity and face their fears so they.

Find transformational clarity and face their fears so they can overcome these obstacles and they can live and leave their desired legacy. And that drives me. That drives me. I mean, that gives me energy to know and to see the light bulbs come on like I did today with this client today who, who realize that that Stout Beer's gonna taste so much better once he actually puts energy into these projects and doesn't procrastinate.

So I have a plan, and once you got the plan in place, then you execute on that plan. But there's. External solution to an internal problem. Overcoming your procrastination and persevering through obstacles is an internal issue. It's not an external issue. There's really no one else outside that's getting in your way there.

You may blame it on somebody else, but you're gonna fix that by an in with an internal solution. So it's going inside [00:23:00] yourself and saying, how can I get there? And so I have some tips that kind of help me persevere. So one is, I try to do something productive right when I get home from work. And it could be as simple as, you know, cleaning out the fish tank and feeding the fish.

It's like a 10 minute activity or unloading the dishwasher or watering the plants or something that I'm doing physically that's productive and it takes me five to 10 minutes. It could be starting a little laundry and then I can build on that and build on that. And I think if I can get something done in less than five minutes and do it now.

So if it's on my mind and on my task list, do it now. And that's been simple. I've tried to simplify things in my life and I love to use my iPhone as much as I can for everything possible except for my journal. I like to hand write that, but, so I'll put reminders on my phone. I'll learn how to use the calendar on my iPhone, and I'll have one specific calendar, not multiple calendars that can be distracting for.

I'll practice the Pareto [00:24:00] principle, which is, I believe technically you focus on something without any distractions for 25 minutes and you take a five minute break. You eliminate all the distractions, so you put your phone on airplane mode, you turn off your, you shut your computer unless you're working on a project on your computer, you get in a room that's quiet, you put some music on for me, it's some headphones.

This is why I do so much productive work when I'm flying, and tomorrow I'm flying to Florida with my daughter and we're gonna have a great time. I do things when I can find this way to focus. And so if you found this podcast helpful, please hit the link to shatterproof yourself. You're gonna get my video and workbook on this brand new course.

It's shatterproof yourself seven steps to deciding Your Legacy. You don't wanna miss that. You will not get that any other way than subscribing to my to then through subscribing. So you won't wanna miss that. And Anyway. Yeah, so you hit the link and subscribe. And also there are some other links in this podcast that you're gonna wanna miss, and one is on three steps to ending procrastination, stop [00:25:00] procrastination and get things done.

So it's a brand new post that is on getting and moving towards your goals, overcoming these obstacles to persevere towards your goals. You're not gonna wanna miss that as. So let's go ahead and review. How do you do this? How do you persevere in these difficult situations?

Just like my daughter's doing, just like you have done, just like many people have done. One is you identify what's gonna be your distraction. You visualize success. Number two, how do we visualize success? You wanna get and download that worksheet. You figure out how to change your view of the situation, turn it into motivation, transmutation, take in difficult situations, and then you create a.

Transmutation means taking difficult, traumatic, or setbacks and turning 'em into propulsion to go ahead and move towards your goal. So you're transmuting in moving in a different direction. What are you gonna do? I mean, you have these strong emotions that overtake you sometimes, and that can be so fear-based that wanna pull you away.

But if you focus on these. Goals and you focus on the distractions and you focus on the vision, it can [00:26:00] overpower that. And just like gratitude can overpower that to keep, it's gonna move you forward. So what's the one thing from today that you want to apply? Oh, the last thing was make a plan. Make a plan.

Start executing on that plan. What's the one thing that you wanna apply and teach to somebody else? Today, it's probably gonna be a scary thing, but I want you to write that down and commit in the next 24 hours to executing, to doing something, taking some kind of action based on that one insight that you gained, and also to teach that to somebody.

And the one I like to give a power action. So if you're gonna do one thing from today that I would recommend that you get the biggest bang for your buck. It's gonna be doing that success worksheet, what is my definition of definition of success? And then getting that written down. And then I'm also on that worksheet, gonna have you write down, What is the society's definition definition of success, and then how do they differ?

That'll be, that's your power action right there. Remember, my rule, Adam's rule, 30% of transformational change is insight. You're gaining insight through this podcast today, but 70% and [00:27:00] probably even more, maybe it's it's gonna change, but is action. What action are you gonna take? You're gonna change your life when you take different actions.

Have me out to speak to your team live or over zoom. I'd love to get this content and information out there. You can also get a link to my training topics from the show notes of this podcast, and I'm gonna sign off today the way I do every episode. Make it your mission to live the life now that you want to be remembered.

For 10 years after you're gone, you decide your legacy. Nobody else. I appreciate you greatly and I'll see you next time.