Ep92_Sleep_full
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] I find that clients underestimate two things. One is the importance of sleep. The other one is the importance of water. They underestimate a lot of things. So do I. But I'll tell you, you don't know the value of sleep until you stop getting it. I had some significant insomnia in my past over the last five years.

And at one point I ended up not getting sleep for many, [00:01:00] multiple nights in a row. And it was very Disturbing. I was struggling big time. So welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. This is episode number 92. And today I'm going to talk to you about getting better sleep. I'm going to give you a lot of tips and you listen and jot down the ones that you feel could impact you the most. So if you found this podcast helpful, The Decide Your Legacy podcast. Subscribe so you won't miss another episode. Give it a rating and review on Apple or Spotify, wherever you get your podcast content.

That helps the podcast to grow organically. It shows up in people's feeds and then it can help more people. So I'm your host, Adam Gragg. I have been a legacy coach, a writer, speaker, and licensed clinical family therapist for over 20 years. Actually, I believe it's 24. So my passion is helping people find confidence and clarity to face their biggest fears so they can live their [00:02:00] legacy.

And I talk about stuff I struggle with myself. So I don't have this all figured out. I'm a fellow traveler. I know some things that have helped me with sleep. And I believe I am going to give you some content that can help you. And even if you do get great sleep right now, or you get good sleep right now, these tips are still going to be powerful.

Some of them are going to be things you've never heard before. Something uncomfortable I did recently, a scary thing. And I share these because nothing is more important to your mental health than facing your fears.

And nothing is more damaging to your mental health than playing it safe. So I met with a business that I've done work with before, and I met with the entire team, and I let go of my slide presentation. I didn't use it. I just talked, and I spoke from my heart. I listened. I asked questions. They asked questions.

It went really great. idea of letting go was pretty terrifying to me, but it went well. So let's start off with an action. This is a podcast you do not just listen to. My listeners get uncomfortable too. So what do you tend to worry about that keeps you from falling asleep? Or when you wake up, what is it that you tend to worry [00:03:00] about that keeps you from falling back to sleep when you wake up?

So is it work? Is it relationships? Is it second guessing yourself? in certain interactions during the day or with decisions that you have made? Is it parenting? Is it money? What is one of the things that you tend, that tends to interrupt your sleep? And we're talking today because there are different categories of insomnia.

Most insomnia I've found is anxiety related. There can be physical issues that people have that cause sleep problems. If you have an issue with your bladder, you know, or if you have an infection, if you are dealing with some kind of a virus, I mean, those things can impact your sleep.

But what I'm talking about is the anxiety that causes the majority of the lack of sleep. And that's what we're going to be addressing today. So the damage of not getting enough sleep is significant. Now, according to the Mayo Clinic, for adults, less than seven hours of sleep a night on a regular basis is linked to poor health, including weight gain, you know, having a BMI, a body mass index of 30 or more, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, [00:04:00] heart disease, depression.

Significant problems. And it's that consistent lack of sleep. So the benefits is, creativity, being able to relax. I mean, anxiety decreases many mental health issues can be and are connected to a lack of sleep. So the quality of your sleep is just as important as the quantity.

And, you know, you need about an hour and a half to two hours of deep sleep. That's that restorative sleep. And I think about it as we solve problems in our sleep. We process and integrate information in our sleep. We deal with trauma in our sleep. We deal with what happened during the day in our sleep. We wake up with solutions, potentially, when we get good sleep.

You want to get enough REM sleep, rapid eye movement sleep? You want to get enough... Deep sleep, and seven to nine hours is, if you go ahead and check out the research, seven to nine hours, not less than seven, not less than seven on a regular basis. So what I like to talk about here today, I mean, there's a number of things you've probably heard before.

And when I look back at some of the major sleep issues that I had, I was [00:05:00] trying these specific things, like a wind down routine, not going to bed with a bunch of food in my stomach, no hot tea, a hot bath, going and You know, I mean, keeping the room cold, having an open window, headspace, calm, these type of meditation, things like that.

And all those things can be good, but they didn't really work for me. And they, they worked at times, but not consistently. I had to change some things. So today, I'm going to talk to you about some. What worked for me, and I'm not discounting all of those things. I think calm and headspace are great I think drinking hot tea is great, but let's go ahead and jump into the content. So number one tips for getting better sleep getting a great sleep tonight be curious about something before you go to bed So is it reading?

Some fiction. I like short stories. You know, Hemingway has some great short stories. I love a book called Son of Adam. It has a bunch of short stories. Or no, Adam's Son. I'm sorry. So, and there's a number of short stories. And I'm going to link in the show notes to some of my favorite authors of short stories.

So [00:06:00] poetry, looking, researching something. So I've looked at something historically. You know, for example, like researching Leonardo da Vinci. And looking at some of his artwork, getting your mind zeroed in on something that's going to be stimulating and not fear orienting, like looking at the news, but something that's going to be stimulating and have some aspect of hope with it.

So looking at artwork, looking over... Poetry, like I said, can be very helpful. And so you stimulate your mind in a way where you're not stuck in your mind, but you're getting out really towards something that's creative. So number two, connect with your senses. And I found this helpful was looking at the stars and going outside and sitting outside and being still and noticing, even as it's cold and noticing really the wind and going on a little walk before bed with my dog and really seeing where the moon is in the night.

And what kind of a moon is it? Full moon, is it a partial moon? I have binoculars where I can actually look at the moon. I can look at the stars and I'm getting and [00:07:00] connecting with my senses more. So that can be, then has been very helpful for me. Number three, stick with a sleep schedule. So have a wake time and then have a time you're going to go to bed and stick with it.

You don't have to do it perfectly, but be very, well, be consistent with it. So if you're, the best time for you to get up is at 6 a. m. and going to bed at 10, stick with it. And I would encourage you to stick with it even on the weekends. That you follow through and so make sure you decide and then you stay with it.

So number four, get vitamin D. This is what I wasn't doing actually because I realized that when those real big sleep issues came up for me, I used to go after work and hit golf balls even in the winter and I would do that consistently and I would and I would run outside even in the winter and as I look back.

To some of the lowest times that I had, I wasn't engaging these hobbies, these habits that I had been engaging for many years. So, sitting out in the sun in the winter, you can get these vitamin D lamps that can be helpful, but nothing is better than the rays of the sun. Get vitamin D. And it impacts me [00:08:00] significantly when I want to Rest. I mean, if I sit out by the pool and get a bunch of sun for an hour, you know, with sunscreen on, by the way I usually want to take a nap and maybe, and I'm not sure exactly if that's correlated, but that's just what it does for me. And it makes me feel energized as well. So kind of both and right there.

So number five, deal with the mindsets that you have that actually bother that are related to sleep. So for example, if you have the mindset that my day is going to be ruined if I don't get a good night's sleep, you know, that can keep you from actually falling to sleep because you're trying so hard to fall asleep.

I can't function with a little sleep because you don't get a good night's sleep. And then that morning you say, I can't function. I'm going to, everything's going to fall apart. I'm going to be embarrassed. Everything's, you know, I, I'm not going to get my project done. Everybody's going to notice that I haven't gotten enough sleep.

Those are mindsets that really aren't based on reality because you're going to have times Uh, young parents, you know, you're going to have times when you're not going to get the best night of sleep. So I don't know any new parent, first time parent that's going to say they got [00:09:00] sleep seven, eight hours every night for the first month of their newborn's life.

That's just not reality. So you're going to find times that you don't get sleep, but if you change the mindset, like, okay, my days, I believe my day is going to be ruined. I'm going to be embarrassed. And then you change. Is it true? So is it, you know, You ask yourself that, and is it really true? Is it 100 percent true?

Is the second question, you know, how, how is this impacting me by believing this is true? And if you're honest with yourself, you're saying you're, you're anxious, you know, you're worried, you're going to worst case scenario, you know, and then who would I be if I didn't have this thought? So if I could just let go of it and say, you know, if you really loved hunting and you were going to get up at four in the morning and that night before you were hanging out with high school buddies and you only got four hours of sleep, you'd probably, because it's a one time thing or a very infrequent thing, you'd probably hop out of bed and be really excited about going and hunting with your friends and playing golf.

Because the mindset's very different. Because you had shifted in that situation your mindset to saying, This is going to be okay. It's worth it. And I could even channel in some energy because I'm excited about what I'm going to do. So you can do the same thing with a bad night of sleep when you have to go to [00:10:00] work.

And number six, which helped me greatly, is I sleep with a journal by my bed. And if I have something that I'm worried about, then I will write it down and I'll write down a solution. And sometimes the solution is that I'm going to deal with this tomorrow. I can't solve this problem tonight, but it's in my journal and it's open.

on my, on my end table or whatever you, my nightstand, and I'm going to see it in the morning and it's going to be there. And it's like, I can rest now because I've written it down. I'm not going to forget it. So my mind's for some reason starts to say, okay, it's okay to go back to sleep. And sometimes if I'm struggling, I'll answer those same questions.

So I'm really worried about my presentation to this business. And it's going to be. Bad, they're not going to want to hire me or I'm going to be embarrassed. I'm not going to look prepared. And I answer those questions. Is it true? Is it a hundred percent true? How am I going to act and think and feel when I believe it's true?

Who would I be if I didn't believe it's true? How would I act and think and feel? And then what's a healthier perspective? So number eight or number seven, I'm sorry, exercise each day in some [00:11:00] type of format. So it. Not perfectionistically, but it doesn't have to be more than 20 minutes, although I think when you're working out for 45 minutes or so, for me, that tends to be a good level of an intense workout, at least four days a week for me, but get some activity.

So let's go walk with your dog. It's going on a bike ride. It's going on a swim. You know, it could be walking through the mall because it's a cold day and you can't get outside, but you can go get some exercise somewhere, go into the gym. I don't know what it is, working on a home project. That's going to take some kind of activity.

Physical activity for you. It could be putting together a puzzle. I mean, you're actually getting some physical activity or playing ping pong in your house, but you're fine playing darts or pool or whatever. It's something that's active. And so you do something every day, you get active. So number eight, face something scary in your life.

It's that sense of I've accomplished something that was hard. So I had that conversation with somebody that was assertive and loving and gentle and kind, but I [00:12:00] had the conversation and it was hard. I mean, Maybe I didn't even get the result that I wanted, but I got the project done. I worked on it for two hours.

I worked and it was, it was hard and scary, but I got it done. And so we have a sense of accomplishment and we naturally want to have it. We have a sense of relief and even this, like I can rest now, which can translate into better sleep for me and has on a number of occasions. So if you found this podcast helpful so far, hit the link to shatterproof yourself.

So I, this is seven small steps to a giant leap in your mental health. These are tips and tricks and insight into things that you can engage in now consistently. It's a brief video and workbook that you can fill out and it's transformational information. You'll want to watch it multiple times and you're only going to get access to it by subscribing through my podcast or on my website at decideyourlegacy.

com. Number nine. And this one's kind of counterintuitive, but it's helped me and it, there's real science behind it. Take a cold shower or an ice bath [00:13:00] before you go to bed and take some time to fill up your tub with ice. I get it. Maybe just, it's a little bit ice cause your ice maker doesn't make that much, but you get it cold and then you sit in there.

And I would suggest sitting in there for a bit, you know, three to five minutes. And what you'll find is that when you get out and you dry off and you've taken this cold shower, it was hard. And, but you'll find that you're. you're, you're going to feel calmer afterwards because it's, it's actually shifting you out of the sympathetic nervous state to a parasympathetic nervous state.

And so it's, there's real science behind it because you're conserving energy. It's a phenomenon in mammals that when we believe we're underwater, we can serve energy. So our heart rate slows and our breathing slows and we're going to feel more rested. We're actually, I mean, we're rested. We're going to feel, we're going to feel more relaxed and then you can crawl into bed.

So I'll be, I'll get better sleep, not after a hot bath. That can be a great thing or a shower. I mean, that can be fine. It, but I will actually be more relaxed. And I believe most of you will too, [00:14:00] after you take a cold shower or an ice bath before you go to bed. Number 10, have something exciting planned for yourself when you wake up.

So if you have something in your life in the morning that you're looking forward to at some level, like it's Could be a book that you're going to read that you're excited about reading in the morning. Or it could be somebody you're going to see for coffee in the morning. Or it could be some project you're working on that you're going to get to engage in the morning.

And so you go to bed with some kind of anticipatory excitement in the morning. And that can very, that can help me with sleep. Number, 11. So write down any dreams that you actually have during the night. So how does it help me with sleep and the quality of sleep that I have? Well, for one. If you go to bed thinking, I may have some dreams tonight, I have my journal by my bed and I'm going to write that thing down if it wakes me up.

Because a lot of times people don't remember what they actually dream. You dream a lot during your REM sleep. And so you may wake up because you're going to transition out of that state to deep sleep or to light sleep. And you may wake up, you may have something on your mind that you write down. Or when you wake up in the morning, you [00:15:00] may wake up out of a dream and then write that down.

And there can be some meaning to dreams, like it can give you some insight into yourself. So, I mean, I've had this dream a number of different times where I go skydiving with my daughter and then she gets on the plane and does like four or five jumps and I'm scared. And I watch her kind of land and she's all excited and she comes up, Dad, when are you going to do it?

And then she gets back on and I say, next time. And then she gets back on the plane and goes up. and jumps from 12, 000 feet and dad, what are you going to do it? And then I say, I'll do it eventually. And then Emerson gets back on the plane and stuff. It's silly. It's crazy. I mean, some of you listening are like, I've had similar dreams.

I mean, maybe not, not that specific dream. I get it, but dreams as well that are repetitive. You know, I've had a dream where my teeth are rotting out. and number of different times as well. And, but some of the insight relates to fear in my life and facing things in my life. So if you remember a dream, we'll write down your, down your best kind of interpretation of the message of that dream.

And then, you know, talk to a friend about it if you want to, but what it does though, [00:16:00] is it gives you some sort of ability for me, for me specifically, it's like, you know, my sleep gives me, it helps benefit, it benefits me because I'm not going to be scared of these dreams. I'm actually going to learn something from them.

And so it has a sense of excitement to sleep rather than dread. So number, number 12, listen to music. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of, Radiohead's one of my favorite bands. So lead singer has this, some solo stuff, Tom York, and he's got a lot of electronic music and he's got a, I think he's got a really cool voice.

And so I like listening to classical music. I like listening to relaxing alternative kind of stuff. Some of the music I listen to, you're like, how can that be relaxing? But I mean, it is for me. So you find out for you what kind of music will relax you.

And so you You get some of that on and you play it. Maybe you read a book, listening to it, and you start these, these habits in your life that are winding you down. And they're putting you, taking you from a sympathetic state, which is fight, flight, or freeze to a parasympathetic state, which is rest and digest.

It changes your body, honestly. You start just [00:17:00] relaxing, getting looser. So number 14. is don't hit the snooze button. So how does that help you with sleep? Well, for one, it keeps you on your sleep schedule because you're not waking up at six, hitting the snooze button three times and then waking up at 6.

30. You're saying the snooze button is off limits. I'm not going to access my snooze button and it's not really an option for me. And so you can get an alarm that doesn't have a snooze button. I mean, I think you can turn it off on your iPhone too, potentially. I've never done that yet, but. I would like to and should because I do a good job of not hitting the snooze button lately last month.

I still do every once in a while, but I haven't as much as I had in the past. And I do better when I don't and when I know that's not an option. So I'm going to get up at this time. I'm going to go to bed. It motivates me to go to bed because if I get up at six, I generally want to go to bed by the time I have set for bed, which for me is nine thirties when I get into bed.

So I like to have that kind of routine. Play a game before bed. This can be very helpful as well. So if you like chess or backgammon or you like to play cards and [00:18:00] you have somebody you can play with or you can play with somebody on your phone or online and there's nothing wrong with that. It's channeling your energy and your focus towards something that's fun and stimulating and interesting and it's not towards the worry.

Now, the reason we have this tremendous anxiety when we go to bed is because we have been focusing at some level or fixating at some level on something that we don't have control over because it's out, I mean, it's, it's based on other people's decisions or it's based on situations at work or with money that are in the past. And we can focus and try to focus on the solution, which is a good thing to engage that, but not necessarily right before bed, especially when it's not a problem you can solve in that moment.

You can't really change some things, and so you're wanting to wind down in games and puzzles. And I like my Brio Labyrinth, and I like to do things like... Have a, like a Rubik's cube type thing. Actually, I ordered three Rubik's cubes recently. I haven't had one for a few years, but I like things like that.

They just stimulate my mind that help me to get some rest. So number 15 [00:19:00] is have some kind of a, of a scripture verse from the Bible that you. will look at before bed that gives you a sense of peace. So the one that I like and have looked at many times before bed is Psalm 4, 8, and it says, In peace I will lie down and sleep.

For you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. For you alone, Lord, it says, in peace, I will lie down and sleep. For you alone, Lord, make me lie down in safety. And so that's, that's from David. And, you know, David was in danger frequently and he had some sense that, okay, I'm protected here in this situation. And so we look and say, we're anxious about.

Something outside of our control that we can't change and we're worrying about it, you know, it's our divorce custody situation, or we're worried about our health, or we're worried about our family at some level. You're safe. You know, that's what the psalm reminds me of.

I'm safe. I'm being watched over. And I may not feel safe. I may not think that I'm safe, but I can know that I am safe. And so it helps me to let go. [00:20:00] And just let it all go, give it to God, it's going to be okay. Number 16, and these last two will probably surprise you. And these might have been, at least number 16 was one that, I was shocked at how much this actually impacted my sleep.

But deal, number 16 is deal with your trauma. So anything in your life that's happened in the past, and trauma is stored in your body, your body remembers things. It is a, the body keeps the score, which is a, is an excellent book on dealing with trauma. And I'll put that one in the show notes as well. So...

The trauma that you have, there are things that were out of your control that have happened that were bad in your life and you're trying to make sense of them. And so when you sleep and we have undealt with unprocessed trauma, teeth grinding is very common, really, in people that have PTSD. And so wearing a mouth guard in that case is probably a very good idea and will actually potentially give you improved sleep.

But you, you deal with it with a professional, you deal with it with your friends, your pastor, you talk about it, you open up about it. You know, you're victimized by your past when you continue to be, to live in a way where you're [00:21:00] unaware of the impact it has on you today. So for me, I had to deal with some stuff that was traumatic in my life.

And when that... Sleep deprivation situation happened for me two years ago and not that long ago, you know So it's kind of taken me two years to have the confidence to do this podcast, honestly So dealing with some trauma in my life it helped me to rest to put it put it to rest to realize how it impacts me and the lack of trust that I Can have and the fear that I can have and carry with me and realize I don't have to be victimized by it I can let it go and I can have more confidence and I do have more confidence.

I do feel better about my situation in life. So you deal with it and you get help and that's available to you. I mean, a good trauma therapist could really provide some resources that could be very helpful for you. So EMDR can be very helpful, writing out your story, just finding the meaning, you know, when you find the meaning, you can be almost anyhow when you have a big enough Y.

When you find the meaning in what you do, the purpose and what happened to you, there is some meaning to be found. [00:22:00] And so don't run from it. So the last one, number 17, which I say with a kind of an asterisk, so is to get some medical help. And that can be the first thing that you do. I will tell you that if you have multiple nights without sleep over a period of time, you can deal with becoming psychotic.

It can actually derail. your mental health to the extent where there could potentially be some serious damage. And so get help and the help could be a temporary medication. And I know there's some stuff out there that's probably really, you know, I don't know enough about it, honestly, but I know that when you get to a point, it's like, I got to do anything.

to at least gets it back to where I'm getting enough sleep to start being able to process through what's going on in my life. And so, so an SSRI is known, which is commonly used for, you think of Zoloft or think of, of, of of, well, I, there's, there's a number of them. So my Prozac was first one, maybe 30 years ago that came out.

So, but those can actually help. [00:23:00] people to get sleep and they can actually negatively impact people's sleep as well. So talk to your doctor about that, check out the side effects and everything. But just from being in the mental health world for so long, I've seen them, I've seen them help people as they've taken them temporarily because it can get them slowed down and stabilized enough that they can start dealing with the trauma in their lives and start dealing with some of the root causes of the reasons that they're not getting sleep.

And that can be extremely helpful and it can be very short term cognitive behavioral therapy along with. An SSRI, extremely helpful. DBT is also extremely helpful. So there you have it. 17 things. I'm not going to review them all. You can go back and listen to the podcast again, but 17 tips for getting better sleep.

So let's go ahead and discuss. I want to challenge you to think about one or two of these. that you can teach to somebody else in the next 24 hours. You can say, Hey, I learned this. I think this could help me. I'm gonna take a cold shower tonight. And this guy, this crazy guy, Adam told me it might help. And I, Hey, or I'm going to read some short stories before bed or one short story, you know, or one chapter in a fiction book, I'm going to check it out.

See how it helps me, or I'm going to get some [00:24:00] sunshine today, or I'm going to get some exercise with sunshine at the same time today, because there is some sun outside and make sure I get an hour of sunshine and see how that impacts my life, or listen to music. Whatever resonated with you, I want you to teach it to somebody else.

And I want you to take the emotional risk of applying it to your life in the next 24 hours. Do not miss this opportunity to help somebody else and to help yourself. So remember my rule, 20 percent of transformational change is going to be insight. So you're gaining insight today into some tips that can help you improve your sleep and change your life because sleep is so important.

And then eighty percent is action. You have to take action. Maybe 90 percent is action. There has to be some application to what you actually learned today, or there's not going to be any change. You can't just let it die. I mean, you can listen to a podcast three times and not apply anything. It's useless. I mean, it's helpful because maybe it gives some inspiration, but you got to apply something for there to be change.

What resonated most with you today? Don't wait, apply it to your life. So if you love this episode, tell somebody about the Decide Your Legacy podcast. By [00:25:00] sharing it with someone else, you can be a blessing to them and it can help the podcast grow and it can help it reach more people. So have me out to speak live or over Zoom.

I'd love to talk with you. I'd love for you to engage with me or one of my certified legacy coaches to start your legacy journey. And you can reach out through the show notes as well. So I'm going to go ahead and sign off the way that I always do. Make it your mission to live the life now that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone.

You decide your legacy, no one else. I appreciate you greatly, and I'll see you next time. And oh yeah, I hope you have a very good night of rest tonight.