Ep101_Know
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] Welcome to episode 101 of the Decide Your Legacy podcast. Today, I'm going to be talking to you about how to get to know new people. There may be some people like the situation I'm in. I just moved into a new office building and there's a number of businesses in this building and I don't know a lot of these people.

I know a few of them, but how do I get to know people? In a deeper way, [00:01:00] maybe they'll become friends. Maybe they'll become people that we refer to. Maybe there's somebody who can help me or I can help them. So that is something I challenge clients in coaching to do is to get to know new people because it's a risk.

It's a vulnerability. It's something that is scary. And my coaching clients, they agree to do scary things as part of their agreement. It makes a huge difference. So if you found the Decide Your Legacy podcast helpful, subscribe so you'll never miss another episode whenever I drop one. Give the podcast a rating and review on Apple or Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcast content.

Helps it to grow organically and reach new and more people. To help more people. So I'm your host, Adam Gragg. I've been a coach, a writer, speaker, and licensed family therapist for over 24 years. My passion is to help people find the self confidence and clarity to face their biggest fears and live their legacy.

A lot of people struggle with making life transitions, life transformations, that's my passion to help them get there. So I talk about stuff I [00:02:00] struggle with myself, I don't have it all figured out. I'm a fellow traveler, I struggle just like my clients, and this podcast I don't just make for you, I make it for me too.

So I want to share something uncomfortable that I did recently, as I do at the start of every episode, and the reason I share this is because nothing is more important to your mental health than facing your fears, and nothing is more damaging to your mental health and playing it safe. So I have a frat brother that I hadn't talked to.

I don't think I had actually seen him in over 25 years. I graduated in college in 1996. And so it had been a long time. And I found out through another friend who lives in Portland, Oregon, that he And he gave me his address, my friend, and he, I knew he lived in the Sacramento area, but I think there's two million people that live in the Sacramento area.

But then I found out he actually lived less than a mile from my parents house. And so on Saturday, not last Saturday, Saturday before, after hanging out with some cousins over Thanksgiving, it was right after Thanksgiving, I decided to drive by his house. And actually, once I saw his [00:03:00] house, because it was so close to my parents house, I went and knocked on the door.

He didn't answer. I knocked on the door again. And then. Comes out and he looks at me because he came out on his balcony and he looked at me and he said, Gragg, or did he say Adam? I mean, no one calls me Gragg except college frat brothers and high school buddies. It's pretty much, and I looked at him and I could recognize him and we talked and hung out and actually hung out at his house for, I think, over four hours.

Hung out with him and his wife and I hope I didn't overstay my welcome, but had a blast. I mean, I laughed, looked at old pictures. Caught up. It was really fun and it only would have happened if I knocked on the door and decided that I was going to do something uncomfortable. This is the podcast that you do not just listen to.

My listeners get uncomfortable too. So I want you to journal or speak into your phone. How much time have you spent conversing, having conversations with people you don't know well over the last week? 10 minutes? 15 minutes, an hour? [00:04:00] Who is it? This doesn't count if it's a professional relationship.

So like a new person that you're dealing with at a company that you're selling to or that you're doing a contract for. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about people that you are intentionally spending time in conversation with somebody that you don't know very well in a personal way.

How many times? How much time? 30 minutes? An hour? Who knows? You write that down. And then how much time over the last week did you experience some sense of rejection? So you put yourself out there and reached out. You got rejected or they weren't as friendly and receptive. And so, I mean, just recently I reached out to somebody.

I felt like I was being helpful and I could tell they didn't really want the help. Didn't really engage a whole lot. I thought maybe I'd engage later, maybe they were just having a bad moment, who knows what was going on, but didn't take it real personally, but of course it hurts and stings a little bit because you're trying to be friendly.

So this topic, I mean, meeting new people, you have all kinds of situations in life, you know, a business networking opportunity, you don't know these people and [00:05:00] you're going to meet some new people, interact, a chance. to encourage others, potentially, that you don't know. You know, a way to be a light in a dark place.

Maybe people are discouraged. You don't know these people. You can tell somebody's sad and you can be somebody who talks to them and encourages them. They're going through a difficult time in their life. People are lonely. I mean, they're lonely because, partially because they kind of think that social media fills them up, but it doesn't.

And you have dating situations. You have chances to meet new people over the holidays. Maybe new family members, because one of your nieces got married, or somebody got married, a sibling got married, or you have opportunities to get to know people you don't see at every holiday, but they're being brought there as a guest.

Or you meet people at a coffee shop, or a restaurant, or new co workers that are brought onto the team. Different situations happen if you're aware. I know that I've met people on trains, on planes, on hikes, met people at airports, coffee shops, I've met people at church, I've met people in hobby type activities like running activities.[00:06:00]

Going in and running in a 10k race or a seven mile trail race, like I ran in a few weeks ago, you can meet great people often, but there's a big problem that people struggle with. And it's related to their mindset when they're meeting new people. And we're going to talk about, like, that's one of the three actions that you can take to meet new people, to get to know new people.

So I've had some incredible experiences and I've had some reject. Meeting new people. I've had situations where I've made legitimate friends in situations where I've met new people. I met one of my best friends at an Al Anon meeting years ago, four or five years ago. Alan, if you're listening, I mean, I've met some great people in situations where I was uncomfortable and then took the time to talk.

I mean, he actually took the time to talk to me first, but we've become good friends. That's one example, but who have you met that you wouldn't have met if you didn't reach out? And do something uncomfortable. When you meet new people, you learn about opportunities that you didn't actually know existed because they're going to point you in [00:07:00] directions or talk about topics or give you ideas that you wouldn't actually have had.

You learn about yourself. Clarity for what's next in your life. I've had situations where it's like, This new person I met is giving me some insight about an opportunity and I can pursue that new next opportunity or see this opportunity I didn't actually see because I met somebody new. You can learn that you really truly can face your fears because in that situation it may be like, I don't want to talk to that person.

I don't want to reach out. I want to be kind. But you actually do it and you realize that something good came out of it and that mindset that they'll reject me or this will be awkward or it's not worth it or you're negative about it, you actually see that's false. You can improve your health because laughter heals and connection heals and you may be inspired to work out because you meet somebody new who's challenging you to go to the gym or wants to go work out with you.

You can increase your wealth because connections increase your wealth. I mean, we make and see opportunities for those connections. You can improve relationships and you will improve relationships as you meet new and get to know new people, make new friends, and grow in your confidence. [00:08:00] Not much is more attractive than a confident, a self confident person.

Number one, if you want to get to know and meet new people, so view people as interesting. Negativity bias means you are focused on what could go wrong in that situation. What, how they could hurt you, how they could betray you, how they could take from you. I'll be embarrassed. I'm awkward. They're going to judge me.

They're going to laugh at me. They will look down on me. That's all negativity bias. And our brains psychologically channel. It's easier to be negative, easier to have negativity bias because that keeps us safe. We can prevent bad things from happening. And people have all kinds of excuses. Like I don't have time or I already have enough friends.

I mean, that's the one I told myself for years. I already have enough friends. I don't need to make new friends, but I had this selfish mindset and it was a self protective mindset. It really wasn't that I didn't want new friends, it was that I decided that it was easier for me just to be negative about potentially meeting new people than it was to actually go out and meet new people.

I didn't want to experience the discomfort of being awkward [00:09:00] in that situation, so it was actually something that was self centered, not something that was helpful to me and didn't help me as a person as well. So you learn to decide that this is a mindset that I don't want to have anymore. Before church this week, my daughter Emerson, who's almost 17.

She's turned 17 in January. We started talking about relationships in high school relationships. And I had to tell her, you know, I, I'm a boy and I mean, teen boys we're a little bit different. I mean, we did fight with our fists sometimes. Yes. Unfortunately we did fight in different ways and I don't think it was as manipulative as she has to deal with in these.

In this day and age, we didn't have social media back in when I was in high school in the late 80s and early 90s, we didn't have that then, so there's some different dynamics and that was one thing I talked to her about is that nothing is going to make you more attractive than when you believe in yourself, than when you know that Regardless of whether someone rejects me, regardless of whether someone likes me or not, my [00:10:00] value is not coming from something external.

And that's a mindset. That's an orientation towards life, that I can go do something. And what if my friend from college didn't really want to talk to me? I didn't think that was going to happen, but what if he, I didn't know much about his life really. And so what if he was in a bad place where he just wasn't a happy person?

And he didn't, you know, want to talk to me, didn't want to invite me in. I felt rejected, but I would still be able to preserve, I believe, my sense of self worth, my self concept, my self confidence, because my value wouldn't come from that situation. I would still hopefully have been glad that I did it. I tried.

I was able to try and reach out. Now, if you have that, people are going to be drawn to that. Because you know that nothing they say or do is going to discourage you to the extent where you start having a low self concept. You are still worth it and still valuable. And so what if, and I told my daughter this, I said, Emerson, you know, what if you could follow a three step process that was guaranteed to improve your self confidence?

How much would that be worth to you? And [00:11:00] then I asked her, do you want to learn it? And she said she did want to learn it. And so later in the day, I taught her a process. I didn't actually have it all lined out, believe it or not. I told her, and then I really had it, but not really as organized as I wanted it to be.

So the three step process for anybody to build self confidence, which changes that mindset, so you start looking at people as being interesting and an opportunity to grow, and you start being curious towards other people, is first of all, you want to improve your self confidence. You go into that situation believing in yourself, you know, like as Jordan Peterson talks about, you know, stand up straight with your shoulders back. I mean, it's something you physically can notice in your body. And that's the first thing to build self confidence. Notice in your body, how you're carrying yourself. I mean, are you slouching? Are you Are you actually hanging your head?

Are you looking somebody in the eyes? Cause in situations where your mindset is negative about yourself, you have negativity bias, you're going to be feeling that anxiety and that fear somewhere in your body. It could be your chest or your stomach, or you get headaches or your shoulders, and you're going to notice it.

So the first thing is just notice it and notice what's going on [00:12:00] in your mind. Notice how you feel, notice where it is in your body. And then if you can journal and notice exactly what you're thinking at that time. So like, I don't want to make. new friends because I have too many friends right now. That's not a true thought for me right now.

So, but that could be something someone struggles with. And then if you look at it and then you're able to say, is this really true? And you do the honest self assessment because self honesty is the hardest form of honesty. I believe you have to truly look at yourself. It's very uncomfortable for people to look at themselves and say, I am messing up in this area, or I'm missing an opportunity in this area.

So someone looks. And they're honest with themselves, and they're like, you know, I could be doing a better job at engaging my kids in what they're interested in, not what I'm interested in. Or I could be doing a better job at encouraging my employees on a consistent basis. So you, you notice. Whatever it is, you notice the thought.

That's the second step to building this self confidence. And then you do something that's the opposite of that thought. So you replace the thought with whatever is true, like this is an opportunity. So let's say you had the thought, like, I don't need [00:13:00] to encourage other people because they should be able to encourage themselves.

And then you realize the thought is like, well, you know, that's kind of selfish. Who knows how their life is going and it's actually a generous act to encourage them and point out what you see going right, what they're doing right, and that you appreciate them. And so you, you write that out. It's true. You know, it's true.

And then you kind of notice how that impacts you. And then you go and you follow that thing that you want. that you realize is the truth. So you go out and if your mind is telling you and your emotions are telling you don't engage people at school, protect yourself, don't try that new thing, don't engage that scary activity, whatever it may be, then you do the opposite of that.

Because, and you do the opposite is going to be something that's true. So the opposite is like, it's great to meet new people go ahead and do it. You do that uncomfortable thing, even though you don't feel like it. Scary part about doing stuff like that is, and this is what I struggle with myself, is I think if I do that opposite thing when I'm uncomfortable, I'm going to break down, or I'm going to look very awkward, or I'm even potentially going to like get emotional, and so I don't want to be in that situation, and I will avoid those kinds of [00:14:00] situations, so, but even then, if I go ahead and face it, For some reason, that emotion and that fear, once I have actually faced it, goes away.

It's kind of like skydiving. I've told people this many times, that skydiving is not as scary as facing an emotional fear. Skydiving, you fly up in the plane, and once you jump, and yes, I've done it, I mean, it's fun, I think it's a cool, really cool thing to do, I encourage people to do it, because it is safe and everything.

I know some of you don't believe me there, but once you get out of the plane, it's like bliss. I mean, it's like nothing, you're either going to die or, or you're going to land. And you know, you're going to land because you're jumping with a really skilled tandem skydiver who's alive and wants to stay alive as well.

It's that the fear is up until you jump. And then, then you let go. And I don't know anybody that said after they jumped, they've had terror after the jump. I mean, it's possible. I know. I mean, if your chute didn't come out, yeah, of course, then at that point you'd have terror, but it's an amazing experience.

It's the same thing as facing an emotional fear. So one action you can [00:15:00] take here is I want you to think about people. That you have met in your life, and those situations in your life where you met them, maybe you met them in college or high school, or maybe on your first job, who you're close to now, and then what that experience was like when you first met them.

Can you go back and get a sense of what it was like and how you interacted with them? You were most likely talking to them about things that were in common, potentially, or things about their life that were very interesting to you, that you wanted to learn more about, maybe where they were from. Or what they like to do for fun, or what sports teams they're interested in, what their major is going to be, why they chose to go to this college, what their family is like.

You were interested in their life. It wasn't about you. So if you view people as interesting, you don't make it about you. When you don't make it about you, the fear actually decreases greatly because It's about helping somebody else. The objective is no longer to be liked by somebody, it's to help somebody.

When your objective is to be liked by somebody, then yeah, your expectation is, [00:16:00] you're mixing, you have motives that aren't really healthy. You know, not healthy at all, really. Cause I mean, it's them liking me as some sense of source of validation. But if you're truly going out to be learning about them, and yes, learning about somebody and connecting with them is helping them, then if they reject you, well, it just, you still were able to reach out to them.

So it was still a helpful act and a generous act. You can focus on those good experiences you've had, and you can remember that you've made connections. It's like seeing that this can be such a great thing, and who knows what's going to come out of this situation? Because I'm meeting this new person, and it's a mystery.

It's letting go of the outcome. Who knows what's going to happen? I had no idea I would go to ta My buddy's house, his name's Tommy, and I hang out for four hours. I mean, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it felt like I was there for a long time. You'd have to text me, Tommy, and let me know how I was there, how long I was there.

But I know for a fact that it was a lot longer than I expected to stay. I thought maybe 15 minutes and it was like, Hey, come on in. We watched. Football, multiple games. I mean, I know I stayed long enough that he would [00:17:00] normally have been in bed. So it was probably 1030 at that point, but I felt great. I mean, it was funny.

It was fun. And I'm excited about just making a re reconnecting with a friend. So when you view people as interesting and exciting and you have a curious lens, then it's going to actually show you opportunities to help. Other people. And that's the next step to take is start to find ways that you can help.

So have a, how can I help this person approach? So people are interesting. I can reach out and I can learn some things here. I have a positive mindset about what could happen in this, in this dynamic. I'm working on my mindset and how can I help them? So why do people in sales? Get a bad rap. You know, we think of sleazy salespeople and I think there's a number of things that go into that, but one is that they invent problems.

Like you need a new car, you need a new car. You know, you think of a Facebook, you must be on social media or your [00:18:00] life is not really complete. And there's something missing here because you're not posting on Facebook. Those are things where people are inventing a problem. That's not a real problem. Your social life.

I believe probably improves the less you're on Facebook and your mental health probably improves the less you're on Facebook, the less you check Facebook. And I do use Facebook professionally and I do use it with friends and family to share pictures. I'm not anti Facebook by any means, but they invent a problem.

You need this problem fixed because. They also make it about them and you get that sense because sales, true healthy sales, is about helping somebody solve a problem that they have with a significant solution, I mean with a substantial life changing solution to solve that problem. So they have anxiety issues and It's if you have a solution to help somebody with anxiety, then it's a generous act to show them that this is a great solution.

I mean, think about times where you've read a book and it's been a great book on a topic and you have a good [00:19:00] friend and you tell them and say, Hey, here's a book that has been helpful to me that you may find really helpful. Cause it's on this topic, you know, car repair, and you're working on opening up your own car repair shop, or you listen to a podcast and it talks about how to start.

a business on a thousand dollars and you have a friend trying to start a side hustle or whatever and so you are really inspired by that podcast and you tell them about that podcast or you see a YouTube video that which I was watching a YouTube video on how to remote start my car and I was having some issues with it and maybe I could post something on Facebook and say how do I find and fix this issue which I did find like The best person to watch my dog by posting on Facebook.

Hey, anyone know of a good dog sitter? And then it was a friend's daughter and it's been awesome. Thank you, Claire. I really appreciate you. Cause Max loves you very much, but you find a way to help other people and then it's not sleazy because you're giving them a solution to a problem. And that's a very generous act.

And you do this on your own. I know you all do this. It's not. Something that should be that [00:20:00] strange. I mean, you're, for example, at church and you meet somebody new and they're new to town as well. They're new to you and they're also new to town and they bring up that they're looking for places to fix their car.

They got a car problem and you know, have a great. car mechanic and you recommend that car mechanic and it ends up being something that is a blessing to them and they text you or you see them at church the next week and they tell you how great it is and you saved me a thousand dollars and I really appreciate it and it starts this positive interaction and it starts to build trust in that relationship and when you generously help other people they're going to get that sense.

It was just yesterday there's, like I said, I'm in a new office building. I'm growing the business. I started a new employee yesterday. And his name is Adam, so I think that's probably going to confuse some people, but, there's Adam 1 and Adam 2 now, and I'm starting somebody new tomorrow as well. Her name's Carly, real excited about that.

And so I got more office space and conference room and different things. And so in the building yesterday, I was just walking around and I think I was, I don't know, stretching out or something. So [00:21:00] I walked into an office without, I asked to walk in. I, guy was in there and he was. He was working on something and asked him what was going on.

And then he said there was a problem with his printer. And he said there was someone in another office, another business in the building, has the same issue and had something to do with the Wi Fi in the building, in that part of the building, I guess. And so I thought, well, the guy that I hired, Adam, he's really good at Solving problems and IT kind of things. Maybe he can solve the problem. And sure enough, he went into their office and he was able to help. I mean, I was only able to help by asking Adam if he could help. And he fixed it so that they could both, the two, two employees could print.

Which was really cool. And I mean, I was encouraged by it. They were encouraged by it. Really great thing. And so Proverbs 11, 24. I love Proverbs. One person gives freely yet gains even more. Another withholds unduly but comes to poverty. I mean, generosity is contagious. And I have one friend who I mentioned that I went over and he actually makes his own wine.

He's a chemist and he knows how to do that and whatever. And his parents have a vineyard, a small vineyard, and he [00:22:00] gave me a bottle of wine. I thought it was really cool. And I, my dad thought that was the coolest thing in the world, that it was somebody's like homemade wine. So that was really cool. And it was generous.

I mean, so there's all kinds of ways we can be generous. How are you looking for opportunities to give back? They're all around you. I mean, somebody's at Starbucks and they seem discouraged and you're able to sit down somewhere nearby and maybe there's a chance to have a natural conversation about whatever's going on.

I don't know what it is. And it's something that I try to be prayerful about. Like how can I engage? And where are the opportunities so I can see them? Anxiety keeps us from seeing the opportunities around us. Remember, it's ego driven, it's safety driven. We're not going to see the opportunities when we're hyper fixated on the problem.

Our brains channel into the problem and who's going to see the solution when we're channeled in on the problem, whatever that specific problem is. And our brains are designed to do that. It's good when we're in danger, right? That's good when we have a problem to focus on in that moment, but it's not good when we're living life.

When we need all of our intuitive abilities. I mean, the antidote for anxiety is intuition. Trust yourself. So when you have, [00:23:00] when you, when you start to have a how can I help approach and how can I help mindset and, you know, what good can come out of this relationship type mindset, then you're going to run into differences with people.

So the third step to get to know new people is to start to view conflict as positive, view conflict as an opportunity. And I know many people that are listening, you struggle with conflict. You think conflict is kind of like the devil. It's something to be avoided. It's difficult. But people who are honest with you are such a blessing because they are people who have the courage to say, Hey, this is a concern and I'm not comfortable in this situation.

So I had a. client, coaching client that is single and had some women who were wanting to date him. And he felt like he wanted to work on himself. And he said that, and one person respected that and said, I totally understand it. And the other person was, took that as a rejection and was very defensive.

Couldn't step outside of herself to see it's not about me. It's actually about him wanting to improve his own life. And he's [00:24:00] not ready to date. He's not in a place where he wants to go down that path. That's a cool. Courageous type situation. So we find, I know what I find is that people really struggle when it's not, they don't view conflict as positive.

I mean, they have this idea that, okay, it's going to be bad. And how do I get through this? How do I avoid these kinds of situations? Some of my best friends in the world I've had the most significant conflict with over different things, like my good friend, Donovan, my good friend, Ben. I mean, it's like amazing that we've had, and we've worked.

We've worked through things and we've worked through differences to get to the other side and we don't agree on everything. I mean, I don't agree with Donovan on everything, but I love Donovan. I mean, and I love Ben and it's cool. And Ben is one of my friends from high school and a really interesting thing happened.

I went and saw him. I'm good friends with his wife and his boys and everything. And we were just talking, hanging out and I mentioned that I had voted for Donald Trump the last two elections. And his wife, Nicole, she said, don't tell me that, you know, like, and I started just laughing [00:25:00] because she said, don't tell me that because she knows how much I love Ben and her and just as they're, they're really good friends.

I mean, Ben's a great friend. I mean, like, he's like a brother to me and she is fond of me as. That's Ben's friend. And so she couldn't reconcile how this person who she disagrees with impassionately could actually be a good person. She knows that. I mean, she's mature enough to know that. So I just said, Hey, I know it's really tough sometimes, and I'd love to.

You know, it's, I can tell you, Nicole, why this is so tough, because you're having a real tough time reconciling. And I said, you probably already knew that about me. And you, and she did, she said, yeah, I knew, but I just didn't want to hear it verbally, you know, that I, that you voted for Donald Trump. And so, and the thing was, it led to a positive interaction.

We didn't really talk about politics much, but. It's so incredibly healthy to have differing opinions and be able to discuss and understand why and not demonize people and not say, because somebody voted for somebody I don't agree with, then they're a bad person or they're not [00:26:00] trustworthy or they have a worldview that's very skewed or they're brainwashed rather than think, well, they have a different perspective and I want to know why.

So if somebody is passionate about marijuana being legalized and you don't think it should be legalized and you all of a sudden demonize them, like there's something wrong with them. I mean, that's. Legit illustration there, right? I would have probably said 15 years ago that marijuana should never be legalized.

And now, and I've seen that it has, and even, even back then I could have, if I wanted to, I was just really closed off about the topic. I can see now how there's ways where it's helped people with sleep issues, and it's helped people with pain management that suffer with cancer or chronic illness or are on hospice.

And so if I didn't try to understand and get more information about why it can be helpful to somebody, then I would have never gained that perspective. And if we don't try to understand and see the humanness in people, because really when we get so passionate about somebody that disagrees with us. So let's say I'm an atheist.

I'm not, but let's say I'm an atheist and you're a Christian [00:27:00] and you become very passionate about your faith. And then you objectify me as being somebody you may not. Admit that you do this, but you're not really interested in my life and why I believe the way I believe as an atheist, which I'm not saying that at all, but then you objectify me by saying that this is not something I really want to engage.

I don't really want to engage that person because they have this differing point of view. And people even say that to me, like, oh, I want my kids to be raised around Christians all the time and to be in that kind of a circle, and they, and there's nothing wrong with that. I love having good, great Christian friends, but I challenge them to say, well, why can't you have good, great atheist friends or agnostic friends or good, great friends of a different faith?

I mean, I have good friends that don't agree with me politically, they don't agree, like best friends, that don't agree with me spiritually, they don't agree with me. We just agree on that issue, but we can love each other and they can be great. Husbands and wives, and they can be great parents. And I'm not going to protect myself from that.

In fact, I want to be able to learn about their perspective and [00:28:00] maybe they'll change my perspective. If I'm not secure in my perspective, which I feel like I really am, I'm pretty secure in my faith. And so, I mean, why would I be insecure if somebody's an atheist and doesn't believe what I believe? I mean, I'm not trying to make them believe the way I believe.

I'm not trying to say you should, you know, I'm right and you're wrong. I'm just saying that this is my level of security it's a sense of self confidence. It's kind of like if someone, if you're skinny and someone walks by and says, you're such a fat slob, and you get really offended by that.

Oh, how could you say I'm such a fat slob? My gosh, I mean, why could you say I'm such a, and I'm like. Dude, you know, I have to just look at myself. I'm 6'3 and I'm 185 pounds. I'm not a fat slob. And I wouldn't even like, I would be like, I wouldn't say anything. It'd be like, wow. I mean, that, that's, that person needs to go talk to a therapist, man.

Cause they're delusional. I mean, it's not the way, that's not reality right here. But would it be offensive to me? No, I mean, it'd be just like, okay, whatever. You know, I mean, that's the reality of the situation. So. There's this cool thing that I just found out about. It's called StoryCorps, and it has people of [00:29:00] differing opinions, politically, and they get to have a discussion and get to know each other on a deeper level.

And so I was just listening to one of the StoryCorps, and we'll link to this in the show notes, as well as a podca as well as an ep as an article on how to make new friends that I wrote years ago, but I think could be very helpful to you as well. It's like, 10, 12 different ways to make new friends. But differing opinions in the story core videos of politically, and they talk it through and they get to know each other.

And as they get to know the real person and really what they've been through and the reason behind the way, why they view the world that way, then it doesn't matter whether they voted for, for Joe Biden or Donald Trump, or they're going to vote for DeSanto. So they're going to vote for Joe Biden again.

Or it's like, these are real people and I value them. And I want to get to know them. And this is such a blessing to get to know somebody, it has nothing to do with their opinions, it's because I value them. They're a person of great value, whether they've been to prison, whether they've made huge significant [00:30:00] mistakes, you know, you look at them now and where they are actually now today.

Now, if they're not remorseful, and they're not repentant, you may not trust them, and you may not want to have a relationship. or get too close to them. But can you look at them as a person of value? Absolutely. Even if they're making bad decisions and they're hurting people now, you can still look at them as a person of value that's being significantly misdirected in their life right now.

And you may not want to be around them at all, but you can, they are still a person of value. There's still a child of God. So one action you can take here. Oh yeah, Proverbs. I mean, dealing with conflict is a generous act. So you can actually, you're very generous because you're willing to engage. Proverbs 11, 25, a generous man will prosper.

A person who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. Like it is more blessed to give than to receive. I mean, I truly believe that with all of my heart that you are going to be energized as you give and are generous and don't live in a selfish way. So one action you can take here. is you can ask somebody [00:31:00] who has a differing of view, view of you politically, religiously, maybe they're pro life and you're pro choice.

Maybe they are a huge fan of Joe Biden's. Maybe they're a huge fan of legalized marijuana. Maybe they have just some, they're, they're, maybe they are an atheist or an agnostic. And instead of being intimidated by them, You're deciding to engage them and you're genuinely it has to be genuinely. It's not like why do you believe this way?

I mean, that's a very judgmental. That's not even a question. That's a statement phrased as a question, which people do that That's a manipulation tactic. You know, why are you doing that? It's a leading question You know, it's it's no it's sitting down or standing up or whatever texting them and saying I'm very curious I would love to know what is behind your strong belief that there is no God.

I mean, I'm genuinely curious. I want to know, because I mean that maybe that would be helpful to me. And if it comes across from a genuine heartfelt place, people are going to be receptive to [00:32:00] that. Or I'm really curious to know why legalizing marijuana is something you're really passionate about in overall, federally, and why you want that to happen.

And then they explain to you, you know, that really helped my dying grandfather. And I want to have other people have that same kind of help in every state in the country. And then it's like, wow, that makes a lot of sense right there. So there's a great book that I love. There's actually two books by the Arbinger Institute.

One's called The Anatomy of Peace, and one is Leadership and Self Deception. There's a third one that I haven't actually read, so I won't cite that here, but I'll put links to those. If you want to deal with this. And address this, how conflict can be so positive and such a good thing. That book, The Anatomy of Peace, is a, is a must read.

Highly, highly, highly recommend it. So let's go ahead and review these. Three things that you can do, starting today, to get to know new people better. So, you got the first one that I mentioned, is go ahead and start to view people as interesting. Challenge the mindset. That people are dangerous or I don't have time, or it's a negative thing to meet new people and get to know new people.

It's an opportunity and they're [00:33:00] interesting. And who knows, you may make a new great friend. So number two is have a, how can I help approach? How can I help this person in whatever way possible where you have a skillset and you think about ways and people you can actually approach. And so one action on that, I don't think I mentioned this, but is, is to figure out somebody you can help in your life.

You want to work on that. How can I help? So who is somebody you can help? And how somebody at work, maybe they have an issue with their dog or they have a puppy or they have a printer issue, who knows, or they want to get healthier. And maybe you can help them in a nonjudgmental, noncontrolling type way.

So that's the third, second thing. And then the third is to view conflict as positive. So remember my rule, the Adams 80 20 rule. So 20 percent of transformational change is insight. You're getting insight from this podcast, reading a great book, reading an article. 80 percent is action. You have to take action to make application to have real change in your life.

Insight without action does not lead to any kind of transformation. It's okay, an okay plan is 100 times better than a great one that you never act on. So an okay plan that you take action on is that much [00:34:00] better. So what resonated with you most from today? By the end of the day, I want you to take an action.

Some emotional risk from some of the content. Today, do something. It could be a little thing. It could be just, maybe it's an emotional risk to teach something you learned today to somebody else. Do it. It's going to stick. If you want it to even go deeper, make it an intentional act to teach something from this podcast to somebody else today.

So if you love this episode, tell people about the Decide Your Legacy podcast, share it with other people. It is growing and it is growing because of you telling other people. If you found it helpful, you can subscribe to Shatterproof Yourself. Seven small steps to a giant leap in your mental health. You won't want to miss that.

It's a worksheet and video. Do not want to miss that. Very helpful in dealing with anxiety, which so many people struggle with. That means fear. How do I face things? How do I move forward with my life? If you like this content, have me out to speak to your team. Love to talk to you in 2024. This would be a great topic as well.

Can be great for sales teams, can be great for people in customer service departments. I would love to talk about it [00:35:00] and actually it'll be much more if you have me come out to speak. You can also engage me with coaching. You can hire me or someone on my team as a legacy coach and there is a free, there is a free inquiry coaching call with me with, for the first five people that reach out.

Okay, so you can have a 45 minute free inquiry visit call with me for the first five people. We're going to keep track of that, so you better call quick if you want that inquiry visit call for coaching. So I'll go ahead and sign off the way I always do. Make it your mission to live the life now that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone.

You decide your legacy, nobody else. I appreciate you greatly, and I'll see you next time.