Ep105_SelfCare
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast. This is episode number 105, and it's actually the 99th original podcast that I've created. So the next one is going to be episode 100. It's going to be a big party, a lot of milestones this year, including turning 50 years old. Oh my goodness. So a client recently told me that.

He [00:01:00] created a life list and I'm like, what is a life list? And he told me, he said, it's a list of things that make him happy. And then there's also a list of things that don't make him happy and a list of things that he's trying to improve. And I've wondered why he's made so many good, positive strides recently.

And I am inspired by his life list. So this episode today is on seven profound self care secrets. That life list that my client created, which. What is super cool and inspiring is what inspired this podcast, episode 105. If you found the podcast, this podcast, the Decide Your Legacy podcast helpful, do me a favor, subscribe, tell your friends, tell your family, give it a rating and review on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast content.

This helps it grow organically to reach more people. And I'm your host. My name is Adam Gragg. I am a coach, content creator, speaker, and a licensed mental health professional for 25 years. My passion, and that's half my life by the way, my passion is helping other people find the self confidence and clarity to face their biggest fears and [00:02:00] live their legacy.

I talk about stuff I struggle with myself. I don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out. I'm a fellow traveler. I am trying to work on self care. Stuff just today. In fact, I've done some things I'm going to share with you today to work on my self care that I believe are very helpful and they were uncomfortable as well.

I want to share something uncomfortable I did recently as I do at the start of every episode because nothing is more important to your mental health than facing your fears. And nothing is more damaging to your mental health than playing it safe. Don't play it safe. So one thing I did is I went skiing with some buddies about eight different buddies.

On Monday and Tuesday, Copper Mountain, Colorado, it was a blast. And I grew up skiing. I used to ski whatever I wanted to ski. And this time I decided to follow my crazy friend Doug and do some stuff I really probably wouldn't have been doing unless I was skiing with someone who was ready to do some crazy stuff.

And I I let go of the outcome. My other friend, Kendall, was crazy himself because he was skiing double black [00:03:00] diamonds and it was only his third time skiing. Yes, that was pretty impressive and fun and he didn't get injured, which is really cool. So, anyway, I let go of the outcome and I did some fun stuff and I'm ready to go back skiing again.

I can't actually wait. So this is the podcast that you do, not just listen to, my listeners get uncomfortable too. What do you do for self care? Write something down and speak it into your phone. What is it? Maybe you have a life list, like my client. What is it that you can do that you know is good for you and that you do it, do consistently?

Okay? So what is it something you do consistently? Do you consistently go on runs or read or listen to podcasts? Something for good for self care. And then write down something that you want to do more of that you know would be good for your self care. And we're going to jump into the content. So number one, these are seven profound things.

Number one, and it's profound because you probably haven't thought about some of these recently as being self care type activities. So number one, and this is really the first thing I put on the list is ask for help. Get help. You know, it's hard. It takes [00:04:00] swallowing your ego. Nobody's perfect. It takes letting go because you don't know whether or not they're going to give you the help that you need or want or the perfect help, but you get to ask for help and you get to see if somebody else can help you meet your commitments, get things done, follow through.

I have asked for help today from a lot of people and it's very uncomfortable. I have to ask for help from my Operations manager, Adam. And from my podcast engineer Brian. I've actually never called him a podcast engineer, but that's really what he is. And so I've had to ask for help from friends because I'm struggling with some things in my life right now.

And it's been encouraging because I've gotten some really encouraging texts. I asked for help from Some guys that I'm friends with, in fact, the same guys I went skiing with on just some area of my life where I've been struggling. And they responded back to me even just right before this podcast, I need help.

And it's not just help from people, but it's help from God. It's asking for his direction in my life. And I don't want to do [00:05:00] that so often. I want to just do it on my own. I want to believe that I can handle it on my own, but I can't. And I need help. So who, an action you can take to work on this is who in your life, can you share a struggle with or ask for some help or ask for some advice from and actually just let go.

And if they judge you, they judge you, but you're really willing to let go. So second profound thing you can do. to deal with your self care is don't be a hypocrite. So if you say you're going to do something, follow through with it. If you say you're going to follow through with something you're going to do with a client today, by the end of the day, we don't say it unless you're going to follow through with it.

And I speak as a hypocrite. I am frustrated with myself as I speak this stuff, but I also know that when I end up. When I end my day, having followed through with what I said I was going to do, and I feel much better about my day. I've made some promises to people about things that, or commitments to people about things I'm going to do after recording this podcast and when I go home today, and I want to follow through with it.

If I don't, I want them to give me a hard time about it because I want to [00:06:00] promise, make promises to myself first and foremost that I follow through with. Very crucial. And I get mad at others because I don't do things myself. I mean, my frustration can come out. I've had a lot of frustration today and I can take out on other people, unfortunately, and I am sorry for that.

But a lot of my frustration is towards myself because I don't follow through for myself. I have not released. certain pieces of content because I've not followed through with promises to myself. I have not followed through with deadlines. But if you do, it's a great act of self care. I cannot release content and I find that it's very difficult for me to release new content when I'm not practicing that stuff myself.

If I start practicing it, then I can follow through. You know, I had a friend who told me, and I was kind of irritated by it, but it's a buddy, one of the guys, again, in this group that I went skiing with, and he called me on being a hypocrite. Like, he's like, dude, why don't you just practice this stuff for 30 days, then release it?

Because you're not practicing this stuff, and he's [00:07:00] right. You know, frustratingly, I, I don't want to listen to that, but I know it's the truth, and I know I got to change, and I want to work on that. So, what you can do And I like this illustration here. It's like a plane taking off. I mean if you got on a plane and they decided and they said ready for takeoff and they tell the flight attendants, you know, everyone prepare for takeoff.

They start bailing down the runway and then the pilot gets on and says, you know what? Second thoughts here. I'm not going to take off. I'm going to wait a little bit. You know, I just really feel like I should wait a little bit and there's no like plane in the middle of the runway or person in the middle of the runway, they're just saying, ah, I just don't, I want to, I want to change my mind on this thing.

Got some new information or whatever. I mean, unless it's like life threatening information, you're not going to want that plane to stop. I mean, you have to have the same kind of commitment to following through for yourself. If you've made a commitment, you don't second guess and change it unless you get really life altering, changing, Significant information once you've made that kind of decision.

So what is an action you, one action you can take is just make a commitment to yourself to follow through in some way. If you made a promise to somebody to [00:08:00] get some project done, get it done. Follow through. If you told somebody you're going to follow through and you're going to keep track of details, you're going to keep track of projects, or you're going to do something, don't overthink it.

Don't keep going over it again and again. Just follow through. It doesn't have to be perfect. Follow through. So number three, profound self care secret is have a half day retreat for yourself every now and then. And even a one hour retreat for yourself every now and then. These are self care things you can do.

So what would you do if you had a half day free? That would be really healthy self care. And it can't be just sitting around looking at a screen all the time. It can't be something that's not. being active. So something that's active and engaging your mind. It could be reading, but you're not, you're taking initiative to grow in some way.

So what would that retreat look like? So for me, I would go to a coffee shop with some books and my journal, and I would listen to some great music and have that music planned out And I would create and then I would go on a walk or hit golf balls or go on a run or go to the gym [00:09:00] or do something, go swimming, do something with some friends as well on that half day retreat.

Like I'd go and have fun and talk to some friends and enjoy my time with people as well. And that would be my half day retreat. Or maybe it's a one hour retreat. You can. plan into your life. So I have a one hour retreat planned for tonight, and it's for me to read for an hour tonight of a couple books that I've been wanting to dig into, and I'm going to set my alarm, I'm going to eliminate all my distractions, and I'm going to put my phone on airplane mode.

I'm going to call my daughter right before that to wish her happy birthday again, because she is 17 today. And that's really exciting. But then I'm going to go ahead and do it. And it's going to be after the run that I go on to get all this energy out of me because I have a lot of energy today.

And it's because I'm trying to break some bad habits. And I'm working on. Of course, and that's really energizing me as well. So number four, create a self care plan. So when we're tempted to do something we know is bad for [00:10:00] us, and we create a self care plan that we know is good for us, and we have that on our mind and realize that we can engage in that new self care activity, when we are tempted to go ahead and do the thing that we know is not good for us, that's going to make a huge difference in our lives.

I created a self care plan that I sent to my buddy recently. Doug, and it was helpful to me because I've looked at it a number of different times. I want to pull it up and read it to you. And these were things that I can do when I'm tempted to procrastinate or avoid or shut down or do things I know aren't actually healthy for me.

And I can't find that list. But once I do, I'm going to read it to you. Okay, so here it is. So what I have on the list, which is pretty cool, is, well, golly, maybe that list I sent to everybody in my group text. Anyway, I can just go ahead and rattle some off is, you know, reading and calling a friend and exercise and listening to a podcast and writing and journaling and calling people in my family [00:11:00] and creating and so on and Go ahead and making plans for the weekend with some friends, playing golf, hitting golf balls.

Those are all good self care type things. So you have a plan that you write down that you can engage in consistently. And I would suggest that you share it with somebody like I did. Share it with some friends. So I guess I share it with a whole bunch of friends. One action you can take is to create your life list.

You can say, these are the things I know make me happy and are good for me. That's part of my self care plan. These are the things I know aren't, even though I'm tempted to engage in them. I know they're not helpful for me and here are the changes I'm going to make. Thank you, client. For that tip, I love it.

I'm not taking credit for creating it. I'm just going to use it. So if you found this podcast helpful, hit the link to Shatterproof yourself. These are seven small steps to taking a giant leap in your mental health. People have so much anxiety and fear, and they want help and tools and tips to go ahead and make some changes in their lives.

And this course, mini course, it's 20 minutes long. It's going to help you significantly. There's a worksheet and you can fill that out as you go. It's on seven steps, breakthrough information that's going to be [00:12:00] hard, but it's going to be life changing as you take action to apply it. Hit the link to shatterproof yourself.

Again, seven small steps to a giant leap in your mental health. Overcome your fear and your anxiety. It's like saying no to fear and yes to life. How does that sound? Saying no to fear and yes to life. Number five. Self care, profound self care secret. Manage your money. Here, seriously, don't be a financial slob.

You can't afford to buy the stuff you're buying. I know some of you listening can't afford to do that stuff. You have to live on a budget. And I don't talk about money a whole bunch when I talk on my podcast, but I believe without a shadow of a doubt that your life externally is gonna be a reflection of how you're living it internally.

And how you live it internally is going to be a reflection of how you succeed financially. You can't go around spending more money than you have. And if you have spent more money at the end of the month than you actually have, [00:13:00] that is going to catch up with you. It's going to equal debt. It's going to equal dependency.

You may act. Actually, you go and get that money from people in your family. You may have thought that it was a gift, but there's strings attached. You may go and need to end up working a second job because you're not managing your money. You can figure out and make a list of what your needs are and what your wants are.

And it's going to be an act of discipline to say no again, but you're saying no to fear because you're saying no to fear by saying, I don't need that thing. I don't have to spend that money on this, whatever it is. I can wait, I can save, I can plan. And you're going to feel a sense of freedom because you're doing that, because you're managing your money well.

How will you feel after you start living within your means? And the thing about money is it's what you have now and how you use it. I mean, it's, we can think and say, I'm going to be happy when I have a certain amount of money. I'm going to be happy when I make this or that. And when I, but the reality is you're dealing with, if you make.

You make, I don't think it's like 37, 000 a year. You make more than like 95 [00:14:00] percent of people in the world. It's how you manage the money that you have. And are you sloppy or not? I'm not saying you shouldn't be compensated fairly. I want you to be. I want everybody who I work with to be rich. I want to make millionaires.

I want to make people as successful as they possibly can be and more successful than me. I want that. Do you deeply for people and I hope that for all my listeners and it starts with managing what you have now, you being a good store with what with what you have now, because how can you be trusted with more money if you can't handle the money that you have right now?

Well, and that's a self care secret because you feel good about yourself as you manage the resources that you have now, whether that's your health. And if you're neglecting your health, I mean, come on, I mean, what are you doing? You are neglecting an asset that God has given you and you're not using it for good.

And you're sitting and being lazy and not exercising and caring for yourself. And you're an example to all those around you of how you feel about yourself because externally they're looking at you saying you don't really value yourself, you're not caring about yourself. And that's the model you're portraying to the world around you when you're not following through with yourself.

You can't neglect [00:15:00] this stuff financially, physically, spiritually. It's big deal. It's a big deal. It's your legacy right there. So What you can save for is often very motivating. Is it some way, some experience in your life? And I'd encourage you to listen to podcast number 104 because I talk about building positive experiences into your life.

And that's a really cool thing to save for. So you can save for these things, like that are gonna be opportunities to enjoy specific, maybe it's an RV, maybe it's a vacation, maybe it's some kind of game in your house, but you're saving for something really cool that you can enjoy together. What are you saving for?

Figure it out. And that's the action you can take to work on this. Decide, what is that thing I want to save for? Is it something, it's not selfish, it's something for your entire family to enjoy. It's something for people to enjoy. It's a way to give back. But you're saving for some way to actually help other people.

And think about it, you know, if you're saving to go visit your family and encourage your parents or encourage your sibling, I mean, that can be a great [00:16:00] blessing. Encourage your niece and nephew or see your friends be a blessing in their life. A great thing, but pay for it with cash. Don't go into debt to do it.

And you'll be inspired because you'll see that you have a lot more opportunities than you realize when you start managing your money well. So the sixth thing is to create a happy list. What makes you happy? Okay. And I would encourage you to do this by using the life wheel. So what is something in each area of your life that makes you happy?

And you have to ask yourself, how do I feel after I do this thing? And if you ever look at the Decider Legacy Tree, it represents the life wheel. There's seven categories to life. So you have the spiritual part. You have the health and self care, you have the social and fun, you have the intellectual, the financial.

We already talked about that. You have the career oriented part, and you want to know what makes me happy in each area. It could be a person, it could be a person in your family, it could be an activity in your family. And I want you to look at that and start journaling and deciding how you're going to incorporate more of that happy stuff in that area into your life.

Maybe you are happy when you do it in the moment, but you're happy afterwards. If I go to Mass, I [00:17:00] usually am not happy in the moment. I hate to say it, but I'm happy afterwards. I feel good about it. I feel like it's a good positive thing for me to do. Same with going to confession. Yes, I grew up Catholic, and I still practice, and I go to a Protestant church as well.

Life church. There we go. And so I feel good when I do these things. I know after I work out, I feel good. I know after I eat healthy, I feel good. I know after I do things that I follow through for myself, I feel good. These are my happy list, my happy items, my happy activities. So I've done, I have not done enough reading lately, and I know reading does make me happy.

I'm trying to start. Making this shift right now. I was around Barnes and Noble with my buddy Dave and my daughter and my daughter's friend Rachel, and we were just talking about how some happy times in our lives are when we've been reading a lot and growing a lot. And I want to be that guy again. I want to have that kind of knowledge.

And so the seventh profound self care activity is to prioritize. It doesn't sound very profound. I know I don't encourage rigidity very often, but I'm [00:18:00] going to encourage rigidity in some ways. I would say I would encourage rigidity when it comes to things like alcoholism and when it comes to destructive things in your life, like using drugs and unhealthy actions like pornography.

I would encourage rigidity to say, I'm not going to go down that path. That path is death. It's, it's death to me. And anytime you're convinced that it's not, you know, you're not listening to the truth. So when you prioritize with rigidity, you're saying, I'm going to stick to doing this thing. I'm making my schedule.

I'm going to follow through with that phone call. I'm going to follow through with that action. I'm going to stay with my time blocking no matter what, unless something significant changes, very significant changes. Kind of like the pilot saying on takeoff after accelerating that we're going to have to abort.

That's very significant and very rare. That's what I mean about prioritization. You're setting your schedule the day before and you're following through with it. That is a way to love yourself and a way to love others, [00:19:00] make a list and commit. And I have committed to running three miles after this podcast, I have committed to reading one hour tonight.

Let's go ahead and review these. Seven profound self care actions that you can take. So number one is ask for help. Number two, don't be a hypocrite. Follow through with, for other people and for yourself. Number three is have retreats, many retreats. Half day retreats, one hour retreats. Number four, create a self care plan, like this life list.

Number five, manage your money. That's self care action. Activity number six, create a happy list. Very similar to a self care plan, except your self care plan is going to have some things on there that you know aren't going to make you happy and you know you want to work on as well. And then number seven, be rigid, prioritize, stay with it, stick with it.

What are you going to choose to focus on today from this, from these seven profound actions? So remember my rule, 20 percent of transformational change or less is insight. You're getting insight today, but 80 percent is action. How are you going to take this inspiration from today and make it? and turn it into action.

An okay plan that you take action [00:20:00] on is a hundred times better than a great perfect plan that you never actually act on. What resonated with you today? By the end of the day, act on it. Take an emotional risk based on some insight that you've gained and stick with it. And talk to somebody, teach it to somebody, teach a tool or a concept to somebody else.

Also, do me a favor, forward this episode to one friend. Share it and say, I heard this, check it out, I would really appreciate it, helps it to grow. I'm going to sign off the way that I always do, make it your mission, to live the life now, today, that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone.

You decide your legacy, no one else. I appreciate you greatly, and I'll see you next time.